What to do about an aging Grandmother?

Question

I have a serious issue. My grandmother'law lives with my family and I. Her own children are wortheless and the rest of her grandchildren are also worthless. She has recently broken her leg (and has a handfull of medical issues) and will be in rehab for a while, but I think she is losing her mind and will need to be put in a home soon. How can I express to him my concerns. There is no way we can continue to take care of. We both work full-time, go to school and have a daughter to raise. At the same time we are trying conceive another children. Our plate is full, not to mention we are only 26. And I would be the one with all the responsilbilities, since he works at night. Am I being selfish to consider she go to a nursing home, or what? I just know that I am not able to give her that type of attention and neither would he. Any advice? I'm looking for serious and honest advice. When I get her age I would like my children to care, but wouldn't want to burden them when they r so young HELP

Answer 1

I do not believe you are being selfish. You must now consider the welfare of your own children. It can be enriching for children to grow up with their grandmother in the home. However, if her mind is gone and she requires more care than is practical for you to give, a nursing home would be more appropriate. Let her stay as long as possible. Speak frankly to your husband about your concerns. He may not want to face the reality of his grandmother's condition so the both of you should take her for a complete physical and tell the doctor all of her symptoms. It may be easier for him to accept coming from a doctor than from you. Make the best of it until her leg heals. Meanwhile look for an appropriate nursing home nearby where it will be easy for the family to visit often.

Answer 2

You need to decide what you can do and be able to look yourself in the mirror afterwards. Its sounds like you just want someone to tell you that it is okay to put her in a home with out feeling guilty. Let me ask if it was your grandmother and she needed help and had no one to turn to where would she go?

My grandmother broke her leg as well and then had to be put into rehab, when she got out my husband didn't want her to come stay with us because she needed so much care and we had a toddler. She was placed in a nursing home and because our family could not afford a top notch place she ended up being given sedatives every day to "help her sleep", she lost all of her desire for life and passed away less than two months later. Everyday I regeet that my son does not have memories of his Nanny and every day I hate myself for not standing up to my husband, not to mention how much guilt I feel and anger at him.

Answer 3

When you say, "her own children are worthless" are you including your own mother or father?? How odd that you are the only one who cares. If she needs serious long-term care, you should not feel guilty about a nursing home. You have a life to lead too and she would not want to hold you back.

Answer 4

my best advise to try looking into adult communities for her.she can have her own apartment and still have the help she needs
last resort is a nursing home but they are bad
go to the resource dept at rehab or social worker they will be great help
best of luck

Answer 5

I hate hearing that! Her kids ought to be ashamed of themselves. She was their for them, and I feel they now should be their for her. Poor thing, can you just imagine how she must feel? I think your husband should get the family together and have that one last talk. But it's not worth it, if their hearts aren't into it. I feel for these older people, that the family just forgets all about them, when they need their family the most.