Will we survive losing our unborn child?

Question

My husband and I have just found out that our child will not be a thriving baby when more due to many deformities. We have already been at eachother, stressed out. Will we be able to stay strong for eachother and make sure we are making the right decisions at the same time?

Answer 1

You are probably both deep down thinking to yourself "this is all my fault" or "this is all her/his fault" all you need to try and do is make yourself both feel like its no ones fault and you can both work together to make this baby happy no matter what. You are both worth wile people these things happen and your child's happiness is all that matter. make sure you both know that

Answer 2

Well, if you have already recognized the potential problems with your relationship, then that is a good first step instead of the denial route many other people tend to choose...whether intentionally or not.
I think as hard and impossible as it seems, you and your husband can get through this. A child is so precious and irreplaceable, but so is the love and relationship you guys share so if you each try hard enough, you do not have to lose both.
I am not sure if I understood your situation though because I was not sure if your baby is not going to live or not. But either way, the worse thing you guys can do is withdraw from each other and not talk through things.
A disabled child brings just as much joy to someone's life than a "normal" one, so if your chuld is born with deformities, you will enjoy and appreciate him/her that much more.
I know many families who have lost children and as hard as it was, they were able to get through it and have found a way to remember the child, but still have fun and go on with their lives.
Some people find comfort through commemoration, religion, therapy, etc. etc. Just remember that your husband is there for you and things will return back to normal...perhaps a new normal. But you and your husband who I am sure you love dearly, will continue to have a fulfilling, happy life.
Good luck with everything

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear this news, I know your heartbreak firsthand. We lost our first baby just over halfway thru the pregnancy. It was one of the hardest things. The key for a couple getting through this type of grief is to remember and accept that men and women grieve differently. There will be times when one of you just doesn't understand the other, but remember each of you will hurt in your own way, and every individual handles grief differently.....so remember this and you very well may make it through this sad time. (also, though you did not ask about it, cherish the time that you do have with the baby, even if it is just a few moments, a few weeks, or a few months, because you will remember later that you loved and cherished your child properly, and you will take comfort in it.)

Answer 4

You will survive, Its very difficult because you long for a child but then again this happens. This is when your relationship with your husband should be stronger. Think about it this way, its not the end of the world you can continue trying. Your time will come when you have your baby, just perfect. But dont give up its stressful, only some of us understand this situation, but it will all pay off give it time think positive. Good Luck to you and your hubby.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear you are losing your unborn child. You both need to keep the communication lines open for both of you to talk about your feelings and listen to each other, Also there are groups for parents who have lost a child and understand what you both are feeling. I would look into joining one of those, If it happens to be you don't have one near you, I would see about counseling. I know this is not what you want to hear, but God took the baby for a reason, and it might have been something that neither of you could have dealt with. this does not mean you will ever forget your child for you won't, but the pain and stress will become easier. Also this does not mean that you can't have another child , nor does it mean it would be abnormal. God Bless you both and have faith.

Answer 6

I suggest you talk to other couples who have gone through the same thing. They may be able to offer you some insight as to how they handled the situation. Alot of communication between the two of you is very important so you both understand what each one wants when the time to make a decision comes. Good luck to you and I wish all of you the best.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are facing. My heart goes out to both of you. You and he can survive this but it's important to stay close and support each other, talk about how you both feel, and not place blame on each other for the problems with the pregnancy. These things sometimes happen, and it is no ones fault. I hope your friends and family are very supportive and that you and your husband will put each other first

Answer 8

It might not seem like it but you will get thru it. It's hard and you might seem like you are in a losing battle but things will get better.
You and your husband just need to be there for each other.
My ex-wife miscarried with twins in the middle of her 8th month. Every thing was fine at all her check-ups even the check-up 3 days prior to her last and at the last the doctor couldn't find no heart beat or anything and sent her to the hospital for more test and after they were done she was sent home with the following Monday set as a delivery date. This happened on a Friday and she had to carry our dead twins over the week-end. After all that we did manage to overcome what happened but we did survive.
Good luck to you and your husband.

Answer 9

You can survive this. Lean on each other. Remember that he is hurting just as much as you are hurting. Don't point the finger of blame at each other. Hug more, sit quietly and relish each other's strength and comfort. Talk about how you are feeling. Don't bottle up your emotions. This man is a part of you, he completes you. Together you made this baby. Discuss what you wanted in this child and what you will be missing. Hold on to one another. Love one another. Be strong for one another yet allow him to share in your grief.

Answer 10

I am so incredibly sorry. This is an enormously difficult time for both of you, and it's understandable that you are both stressed. Try speaking to your husband in a calm, low voice ... this will cause him to quiet down in order to hear you. It's crucial for you both to work together right now; if you're absolutely unable to talk to him directly, try writing him a letter about how you are feeling. You'll be in my prayers.