How do I tell my kids I am going back to Iraq?

Question

I recently found out that my unit is going back to Iraq and this will be my second tour for operation Iraqi freedom. My daughter is a very sensitive 10 years old that does have a lot of anxieties and fears. She is also gifted in arts and literature but has border line ADHD that she takes a low dose of meds for. Even when we talk about the possibility which we have been doing more and more she gets tense and worried. My plan is not to tell them till at least school is over for this year but don't know if this is the best thing. What do you think? Good plan or bad and if you would do something different what would it be in telling your children. Please don't post answers that bash the military or the operation in Iraq but please try and stay on topic of how I should handle this with telling the young'uns

Answer 1

Thank you very much for what you've done for us, and thank you for what you will be doing for us once again. May you be kept safe from all harm and come home to us and your family in no time.

There is no easy way to do this, is there? However way it's done, it'll be as devastating. I think your intention of telling the kids when school lets out is the least damaging for them as there will be no schoolwork, grades, projects, etc. that may be affected. If a summer activity such as camp or sports training, art classes, etc., could already be planned for them, their summer hours would be busy and their attention may be diverted from your imminent departure.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Answer 2

How did you tell her the first time you went? At 10 she is old enough to understand honesty, and even though it's hard and she is worried, you have to just sit with her and tell her what you know, and listen to her if she has questions. Tell her when you are going and what you will be doing (within reason). Tell her all the ways in which they have trained you to be safe and reassure about that stuff especially. Don't avoid telling her and don't wait til the last minute, it won't make her anxiety go away, it'll just make it more fearful in her head. Once she knows the reality, you still have time to help her cope with it while you are still home. My husband went to Iraq when his daughter (my step daughter) was 10. It was hard. He was gone for 15 months and you wouldn't believe the world of difference between 10 and almost 12. She'll go through a lot of changes while you are gone and you'll come back to a young lady. Honesty. Start now, email her often, let her know you are there for her and her mom is (and whoever else). It sounds like you know you won't be going for a few months if you are able to wait til after school is over, but you might want to talk to her about it now, and let her school know, they can support her too. Also get her hooked up with the military support, they did a lot of things for us, with special events for the kids, parties and things, and there are other kids going through the same thing as your daughter. Also one thing we did, is her father "celebrated" with her the holidays he was going to miss with her before he left. We staged a father-daughter valentine dance in our living room because he was leaving before that. It helped. And pictures of those moments were dear to her while he was gone. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 3

First explain the importace, tell the all about Iraq, the people the situations of Iraq a detail History lesson on Iraq. Just discussions about it daily. About the US and other contries it has an effect on. After you feel as though they are fully knowledgeable about it and politics and your feeling and view.
Tell them and ask them do they have any question, answer them Honestly. Tell them how GOD is a protector and provider for them and you and go from there. Give them something special that's just between you and them even if it's just a stone that you break into peices and divide among each other and let them know that it will never leave you and when they see it it's always know that it is a part of you watching over them.

Answer 4

Please anyone that bashes you soldeirs should be prosecuted. My husband (separated ) was in Iraq. anyway I think you should wait to after school because that will effect their grades. Also you have tricare, check for child psycholigists. My daughter is 10 and VERRRYYYY SENSITIVE! so i know exactly what you mean. is she a libra by the way? because for what it's worth (astrology guru here) they need lots of hugs and they can be very emotional. i am going through some stuff now with my little one. Remember sir, they are children, We can't put on them what we put on adults. Remember they are vulnerable. And no matter what idiots will suggest that you make them strong that way it's wrong! You think long and hard before you tell them you leaving. And you must also be ready to answer the question if they ask you will you come back or if they say no dad what if you (God forbid) get killed. My daughter asked me questions about the world trade, his M16 etc. So be prepared. Because I wasn't sometime and had to think with a quickness. My sis also told her some ole nonsense and got her upset. So be wary of what relatives may say voicing their opinions around your child regarding the iraq topic. I wish you luck Sir in all your future endeavors.......

Answer 5

This is a hard thing to do in this situation. My husband went into Iraq a year ago. I have 3 daughter's and 2 son's and at first when they found out they we're heart broken then as time went buy they got used to him being gone. There's only one way to tell you're daughter and that way is to talk because you can't hide this till her last day of school. You should tell her gently. First you should tell her how you love her and all of those things that comfort children then tell her that you're going. She will feel bad but she will understand. My children were scared and felt upset but the hurt went away. I hope my advice helped. Good Luck in Iraq and thank you for honoring our country.

Answer 6

I wouldn't wait to tell them because children are alot more observant than parents give them credit for sometimes and I think that it would do more damage to have her find out by overhearing it than by you being honest with her. When I was a child and my parents had something major to tell me they never talked to me like I was a kid, they treated me like an adult and spoke to me that way. I would just be honest with her and give her plenty of hugs and spend as time with her as possible before you leave. There is nothing that can be done to stop her from worrying, she is going to worry until you come back home safely.
I hope that this helps, and I will get off subject for just a second and I want to say thank you for the sacrifice that you and your family makes to serve this country. You should be admired for what you do instead of insulted and criticized Be safe and I pray that you return home safely

Answer 7

Thank you for serving our country. My son has mild ADD so I know what you mean he is also a worry wart. I have 10 olds so I know how they can be. I think that you should tell her now so it will give her time to get used to the idea. If you wait she will probably ask when you found out and if you tell her that you knew she will be mad at you for not telling her. Just tell her now and plan to do special things with her from now until you go. Make it a fun thing get a calender marking off when you have to leave and maybe write in special days that you will spend with her until then. Good luck and stay safe.

Answer 8

God Bless you ! The best advice is to be honest and tell them the truth and I would do it now, so you can help them get thru the rough part of accepting it. I have a son over there also right now, (third time) and he keeps up with his son , by the computer each week, calling when he can, sending cards, letters, anything to let him know he still is ok and has not left him for good.
My son has ADD and he found out in time of stress that artwork helped, he is a fantastic artist. Good Luck to you and God Bless.

Answer 9

I think I'd wait close to the time you have to leave only because it you tell them sooner the more time they will worry. As to how to tell them is kinda hard. I mean I would just tell them the truth and try explain to them why you're going because if they're like most kids they'll ask why. Like someone else said, I would leave something with them that's yours or something that you all share(a habit/custom) so when they miss you they'll have that memory or item. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 10

Dear fellow soldier, thank you for writing. Here is from one soldier to another. If I were you, I would put her on my lap and tell her how much I love her. Tell her that you might have to go back to Iraq to help other children like herself, which homes have no water, light etc..... buy her a teddy bear you know those soldiers teddies that they sell at the military clothing sales store. Put your name on the bears uniform, and tell her every time she misses you give the bear a hug. Buy a bunch of VHS and record yourself reading bedtime stories end up saying a prayer, the idea is for her to listen to you the last thing before going to bed. In other words you are tucking her in to sleep, tell her to be a good little soldier, you have plenty of time to record at least six months worth of tapes. End up your tapes telling her that you love her so much and God and you are watching over her. Buy her 100 dollars worth of little surprises and wrap it up for her, this she will get once a week from you. Mommy has to keep her very busy for you. Go to your family program coordinator for more help. I am far away now I wish I was closer so I could help as well. Thank You from the bottom of my heart for your service. Regards
Another soldier.