If a man is of a gentlemanly age and he is not married, is there really something wrong with him? What could be wrong with him if so?
2007-02-01 07:30:29 · 22 answers · asked by lanibear55 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I really should have said is something up with a guy who is still single. I didn't really mean to imply that there was a defect with an older single man - just wanted to know what's up with someone who hasn't committed at that stage in his life!!
2007-02-01 14:21:51 · update #1
I am 36 years old and have had only one serious girlfriend, and that was 2 years ago now. I was so pleased she was willing to go out with me that I overlooked a lot of red flags, even on the second date. I basically told myself you can either sit at home alone, or continue to date, and so I did. She had lots of mental problems, and part of this was an inability to make a decision, and she would constantly bring up old boyfriends and sometimes fool around with them, even when we were dating!
I should have bailed fast, but I got an engagement ring because I thought it would get rid of the other guys and I thought it would get her to like me. She told me later on that she only went with me because it was spring time and she needed someone to mow her lawn, and I came along at the right time.
In any event, she accepted my proposal when we were in Maine and the next day we went to the Shaker museum nearby. She got some crazy ideas in her head and said we should get un-engaged and become Shakers (!!!) as Shakers don't marry and we can change the world. This was kind of hurtful to me, especially since I had tried to make the proposal nice, on a dock at night and such. Another odd thing is that there were several candles on the dock which I had lit and one blew out and she interpreted this as the Lord's way of saying that we should not marry...
I can go on and on about lots of unsettling things while we were together!
So, I wouldn't say there is anything wrong with ME, although I am probably far from perfect, but had we gotten married, there would have been a divorce soon after.
I rushed into getting engaged after dating for 5 months because I was afraid no one else would ever come along and I was afraid that someone would eventually take her away, which ended up happening, anyways, but I am far the wiser for it!
I don't know if anyone will ever come along, but I am not exactly going to rush into things again. A lot of my friends seemed to get married from age 27-29, and I went to a few of the weddings, but then I stopped going (using excuses like I had to work, etc.) and I regret not going, now, so don't avoid these things, even if you are alone.
2007-02-04 02:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by The Virginian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman married Eric Menendez a couple years ago and claims to be happy. She is happily (by her report) married to a sociopath who murdered his parents and is incarcerated for the rest of his life. I guess he wasn't the wrong man for her. That makes "wrong" a huge subjective category. Your idea of wrong will differ from others.
In general I think few single features, like single at 40, would be diagnostic of a guy who has something "wrong." Perhaps you want to look for a group of salient features that make up a larger constellation of traits suggesting this man is for you.
I would suggest reflecting on if he is open and honest about his thoughts and feelings? Does he listen to you? Does he appear to consider your feelings? Does he acknowledge his weaknesses, fears and doubts.
You might tell him you are concerned that he has not been married at his age and ask him why he waited. I wouldn't settle for, "I haven't found the right person." I think you are looking for a man who acknowledges the good and the bad of the path he took. He should own some of the pain and growth in his life. If he can talk about this, the real growing up a man must do, who cares if he isn't married or was immature or selfish ten years ago. Who is this man today and where has he been as a person that led him here?
2007-02-01 07:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by John W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think people make different choices in their lives. My brother was in his mid 30's when he got married. It wasn't that he didn't want to get married. He was busy getting his education which he started late in life on. He didn't feel like he could treat a woman right while he was living on such limited income. So he stayed single. Then when he started dating after graduating with his masters degree, he couldn't find the right woman. He finally did find her and today they are happily married with a beautiful daughter and a son on the way. Because of his education he lives very well. Also, some people get put in positions to take care of older parents and they can't get out to date and enjoy their lives. I think there could be so many reasons why some people stay single or wait a long time before marrying. One more thought, they may have grown up in a bad environment and decided they never want that as a part of their lives so they stay single as a result. I hope that helps. Best wishes to you.
2007-02-01 07:38:09 · answer #3 · answered by Night Wind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are lots of men in their 30's that aren't married. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is something wrong with them. Some are gay, some are divorced, some live in their parents basement and love Star Trek, and there are some that just haven't found the right one. I'm 25, and haven't found the right woman yet, but I don't think I'll wait until after 30.
2007-02-01 07:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Tikimaskedman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just being single in his thirties or forties doesn't mean that there is something wrong with him. You'll have to dig a lot deeper that age and marital status to find out if there is something wrong with him. Besides, every single person has something wrong with them in somebodies eyes. Things that are REALLY wrong for me might be just right for you. Get to know him and find out.
2007-02-01 07:36:00 · answer #5 · answered by Gretchen C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
simple, nothing is wrong, some wait, some just haven't found the right woman, as for me I was 35 before I found the woman I married, and then I found here in romania and not england where I live,,,we have now been married 2 years and are very happy.
So why rush when there is one person whos right for you, but no one said they would live next door to you,
2007-02-01 07:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by philip w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you think something is wrong with him? Marriage is not for everyone and marriage is not to be rushed into the way most people do today. Everone in life is entitled to making the choices that best suit their own needs. Just becuz he does not follow the rest or most of todays soceity does not make him weird, it actually makes him special.
2007-02-01 07:35:35 · answer #7 · answered by Miss Crickett 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's either been hurt in a relationship or afraid of intimacy. After a man is 37 and still single, chances of him marrying decrease significantly.
2007-02-01 07:33:48 · answer #8 · answered by blue ocean 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy at any age and not married. Some people never get married, some people get married really early and some people get married really late. Nothing wrong with him at all.
2007-02-01 07:33:32 · answer #9 · answered by Smeather 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not everyone should be married, at one time it was the only way someone could survive however these days it has very little to do with survival. married or not we should choose that depending on the person, everyone is different. there is no right or wrong.
2007-02-01 07:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋