I have asked several questions over the last year regarding my wife's extremely low sex drive and last night she said that sex grosses her out and she is "broken" and I should not expect to have sex with her other that the rare quickie. We have three beautiful boys, a great house and I get home around everyday no later than 3:30 in the pm to help her with the kids and house. I just dont know what to do and I am leaning towards asking for a separation and possibly a divorce. Any honest, thoughtful opinions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
2007-02-01 07:30:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like she may be depressed and could possibly be a victim of sexual abuse as a child. Ask her to get help. Tell her how much you love her and that making love is a beautiful thing. It is the most intimate a husband and wife can be together. It is not gross.
Be supportive and have some patience with her. If you help her through this, you will be her knight in shining armor.
My husband did it for me and I'm so thankful every day of my life for him.
2007-02-01 07:34:08 · answer #1 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are apparently talking which is a good first step. The next move should be to go to counseling. Expect some time when the therapist will want to speak to each of you separately as well as together. Respect the confidentiality that requires and don't badger your wife to tell you what she discussed privately with the therapist.
A developed "low sex drive" is not uncommon in marriage. What is uncommon is that sex "grosses her out." Be assured that it is fixable and with patience and some work from each of you, you can once again have a fulfilling and mutually satisfying sex life. Good luck!
2007-02-01 07:42:52 · answer #2 · answered by SA Writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she thinks that sex is gross, then she has a mental block and needs therapy. She could also be going through menopause. Emerita makes a great over the counter remedy that works for restoring libido in women. Look for it in health food stores or on www.emerita.com. Sex is mostly in the head though, so she needs therapy and maybe a libido formula.
If she is unwilling to go to therapy and work on getting her sex drive back so the two of you can make love, then you have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage and be sexless or get a divorce so you can find someone else. Good Luck.
2007-02-01 07:42:19 · answer #3 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi;
I am not Dr.Phil or Dr.Ruth but here is my take on it. You need to communicate to her. Sit her down and tell her your feelings and that you still want her. I am in a similar situation where the sex drive on the other end is low. But i showed her that i wanted her, and i don't mean help clean or things like that. That shows you care for her and should be done, but in terms of showing her that you want her take the initiative. Show her that the fact that you've had kids doesnt change your sexual attraction to her. explain to her that a good relationship balances physically and emotionally and will not survive on just one.
I would recommend showing her as often as you can how much you want her and how deeply infatuated with her you are. Do some sexy things, try new positions, it makes things respark the way they used to. Good luck bro, this is a battle you can win if you stick it through.
2007-02-01 07:44:49 · answer #4 · answered by Drew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are, but I am guessing somewhere in your 40's...a little young to "shut it all down."
Lots of women, hon, just get tired of the sex.... three boys and if she is also in her 40, sex becomes a chore for some women...
You have three ways to go:
1.Remain married, and she agrees you will not remain sexually faithful to her. Lots of couples to this... the man (or lady) is discreet, and the outside interest is known by the other that it exists, but not specifics. No one else in the family is aware, nor are business associates in on it either... opt out of any female business associate... office gossip is job threatening..
2. Get into counseling, and read a book called "For You Both" by Lonnie Barbach, THE sex therapist in the country today.... perhaps see and sign up for time with a sex therapist... Marriage is four things--- respect, admiration, passion and trust... and marriages can survive, if the passion is shared with someone else as long as she knows. Common in other countries, and in other times.
3. Separate, and get counseling together to see if sex is all that unimportant in for her your marriage, and if it is within the realm of possibility that your sexual needs can be met with her.
4. Divorce her under "irreconcilable differences."
All this is difficult to talk about with her --- you are about to shake the foundation of her life, and if you are not skilled in getting the issue out there without insult or trouncing on her ego, you would be best to suggest this all be discussed with a counselor..... Go yourself first, if necessary, and let her know that you are going... and then break it to her that you have issues you don't think the two of you can talk about without rage....
Good luck, hon
2007-02-01 07:52:07 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried getting her some medical help, that would be the first step to improve your sex life. Did you piss her off and now she is so angry that the thought of being close to you grosses her out. Or maybe you never paid attention to her needs in the bedroom, so whats in it for her. I think you should try and reflect on what you did or happened in your lives to bring about this change in your life before thinking about divorce. There is always two side to a story.
2007-02-01 07:41:11 · answer #6 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If sex grosses her out and you still want sex, you may want to get that divorce. Sex may not be the most important thing in a relationship, but it is a big part of it. How does she feel about herself? Maybe this is holding her back. I am not sure what she means by "broken". Have you thought about counselling for this?
2007-02-01 07:35:01 · answer #7 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your wife needs to see a doctor. Low sex drive and feeling "broken" could be signs of depression, or maybe illness. If you have such a wonderful life, don't give up on her. I truly believe there are underlying factors as to why she no longer wants to make love. Make an appointment for her, go with her, talk to her doctor about how she is acting and maybe she will let him in on how she is feeling.
I wish you luck and I truly hope that you do what you can for her.
2007-02-01 12:34:11 · answer #8 · answered by Rhoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you taken her to see a doctor? After having three children, she may be suffering from depression which kills her sex driver. Many women suffer depression after having children. Also, it's not normal to not have a sex drive - if its gone, it may indicate that something in her body is not right. Sex is a normal, natural thing and an important part of marriage. I'm concerned that she calls herself "broken." It just doesn't sound like she is alright.
2007-02-01 07:34:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
is she taking any medications? sometimes certain medications can drastically decrease a woman's sex drive. or the problem could be more of a mental issue than a chemical one. has she been showing symptoms of depression?
before walking away from your marriage, you should exaust all efforts to find what the real problem is. once you find out exactly why she feels that way about sex, then you can figure out a way to fix it. in the meantime, try your best to be supportive of her, and be as open an honest with her as possible about your feelings. marriage counseling could help. best of luck to you.
2007-02-01 07:41:16 · answer #10 · answered by LoriBeth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋