Is your partner Self-Centered???

Question

Have you ever been in a relationship or married with someone that was very self-centered?... Did it last?... What are your experiences?... I'm just wondering if a relationship can work out if your partner is self-centered, or if people can come out of being that way... thanks!

Answer 1

Well.

I do most of the cooking. I earn most of the money. I work the most hours. I do the dishes about 65%-75% of the time. I pick up her coffee cups, and cereal bowls, and take out the trash and sweep the floor. She pays the bills, and does the laundry, and works part time. And she isn't even aware that she's doing little things (or not doing them) that result in a lot of work, usually on my part.

Can a person grow out of it? Yes. But it takes time. 90% of your personality is formed by the time you're 10 (ref: psychology 101 about ten years ago). Changing after that takes either a major eye-opening experience, or a concerted effort on the part of the one who changes, backed up by tons of support from those around him/her.

Did it last? Well, I've been married to her 9 years this March 21st. (never forgot an anniversary, so there! :-P )

It's not that she's self-centered, it's that she's a victim of her childhood. Her parents constantly picked up after her, and never asked much of her, so she isn't aware of her selfishness. Her father is passive-aggressive, so she isn't aware of her female chauvenism. I still love her, and she's beautiful (at 30! A size 6!), but her personality can be astoundingly trying at times.

The relationship can work, but you need to look for signs of caring. My wife gets upset (mildly) when she realizes she's being selfish. It bothers her. That tells me she means well. If someone is aware of taking advantage/being selfish, and it doesn't bother them, it's at the very least the beginning stages of sociopathy. In that case, try to fix it (if you're committed), or get out.

More details? I might be able to help.

Answer 2

I think it's all about what your tolerance level is. Self-centered people are not good people. Who really wants to be with someone who only cares about themselves and not take into consideration the way other people feel? That sucks and personally I will not put up with it. I am a giving, loving person, and it matters how my partner feels in the relationship. I normally attract people just like me. Sit down and truly think about what you will or will not put up with in a relationship. A lot of my girlfriends have put up with a lot of things in relationships but when they get tired, all hell breaks loose. You don't want to end up in a situation like that so be smart. Good Luck!

Answer 3

It depends, some things are psychological, some people had rough times is relationships and then they turn out doing what other people have done to them in their own relationships. So if someone has been with someone self centred or abusive, they can be very wrapped up in themselves al the time. Alternatively, they could just be selfish.

Selfish people rarely change, but others can see the errors of their ways, and therapy really helps.

Answer 4

I don't think so. people who think the world revolves around them only change when they realise that what they're doing is no longer helping them in the long run, if they even care at all. For the person who is not self centered in the relationship it is miserable. That person is constantly trying to please the other which is just a losing battle, and their needs are never met. One person can't have their way all the time and things last unless the other person is a doormat.

Answer 5

I have been married for a year and 8 months and this man is so self centered

Answer 6

If you consider him self centered now, be careful. Usually most people show their best side at the beginning of a relationship.

Answer 7

YES!!!! read my question titled helpdoverslight61. He is the most self centered selfish man I have ever known., Thinks of his happiness,his needs,and I feel so emotionally abused that I could just spit. And the marriage is wreck, He filed for divorce,did not even tell me about it. Left,and We believe that he is haveing an affair in another state. It usually wont last,when one is self centered.

Answer 8

My husband is the most self-centered person I've ever met in my life. I stay home with our severely disabled child whom I care for mostly by myself 24/7/365 and my husband works approximately 65-70 hrs. per week. When he comes home he sits down, has his dinner handed to him, and he watches TV until it's time to go to bed. While he's doing this, I'm washing up the dishes, finishing up the things I didn't finish during the day (folding/putting away clothes), and getting our child ready for bed (there's a lot involved in doing this). He goes to bed at around 11PM every night, but by the time I finish everything, it's around 2AM before my head finally hits the pillow. Then he wakes me up at 7AM so I can fix his breakfast and pack the snacks he's taking to work for the day. My husband doesn't do anything around the house at all, ever. It's a chore to get him to take out the garbage and sometimes it's days before he takes it out. To say I'm exhausted is an understatement! I get out for maybe 4 or 5 hrs. on Sundays to go to church, the library, and the grocery store - that's it. The rest of the time I'm housebound. I found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm diabetic, so now I have to eat several small, timed meals a day to control my blood sugar. Because I'm not eating much, I'm really hungry when I do get to eat. I have to take a pill a half an hour before I eat, so when we got home Sunday, I was starving. Because I had to take my medicine I couldn't eat right away. So, what does my husband do? Piles his plate high with food, sits down beside me, and starts stuffing his face right in front of me. I had already mentioned how hungry I was, but rather than asking if I minded if he went ahead and ate (I would have told him to go ahead), he just sits there eating in front of me. It never crossed his mind to think about me. He's so self-absorbed and selfish that he never thinks to put me before his wants and needs.

Answer 9

I've been in those types of relationships too many times and I've found these things to be true......people don't change unless they make the decision to change, you always have the choice to either accept it, or not, and if you accept to deal with it, unless the other person makes the choice to not be selfish, it will never work. You can't just take and receive all the time, and never give back.

Answer 10

Noone changes , or comes out of being "that way" Sure it can work, but don't expect them not to be self centered, you know what you get goin in , decide if its what you want.