On a wedding invitation what is a gracious way of requesting parents not to bring their children??

Question

Question Details: My niece is getting married married on a moored ferry boat, so attendance numbers are limited. Because the number of people is limited and the obvious risks of having bored/out of control kids on a boat, she would prefer no small children. I have 3 sons, ages 11,13 and 16, and she wants them to come. My other niece (the bride's older cousin) has two children 7 and 10, as well as other friends w/very small children that the bride would prefer not to attend. How can she communicate this to her guests without offending anyone?

Floridama: I offered to not bring my two youngest sons, to avoid any type of "favoritism." My niece was in MY wedding, 20 years ago, and she would like my boys to be there...HER choice, not mine. (I'm still inclined to take just the oldest...) You're quick to judge, aren't you...?!!

One reason this is a dilemma is some people take their children to EVERYTHING - even if it only has the invited names on the inner envelope of the invitation. My sixteen year old actually DOES want to attend, because he has looked up to my niece for years -- she has inspired him to reach for his dreams and to believe he can do it.

Answer 1

When my cousin got married, I remember her putting the number of people she invited on the rsvp return card. For example, if it's a family of 5 and she can only accommodate 2, she only put 2 on the reply. That means that only 2 of the 5 are invited. Does it make sense? Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I understand the bride's request, unfortunately, there is no polite way to officially do this. The family grapevine is the fastest way to let people know unofficilaly. Tell a few diplomatic members of the family/friend circle and let them spread the word.

Don't include the children's names on the invitation. Many parents will assume their children were invited anyway and RSVP with their names. At that time politely inform them that the bride prefers no small children and give the reasons. Some parents will be hurt and offended that their children are not invited and decide not to attend the wedding, others may have genuine child care issues.

Either way be prepared for some hurt feelings. There is no way to make everyone happy on this one. At my own wedding, I just asked that people didn't bring babies (it was a formal wedding and reception). One of my husband's cousins had already invited her own toddler and infant, and bought them expensive plane tickets. She basically informed us that she was bringing the babes whether we liked it or not. I wasn't happy but decided to just roll with it and even made the toddler a flower girl.

Answer 3

I have seen people write "adult reception" on them, which I think is a tactful way of going about it.

I also found this small article about it -

" The only way to ensure as much as possible that no children will be at the reception (or the ceremony as well if you wish that) is to NOT rely on the invitation itself to do the talking. Although people are quick to criticize wedding invitations if a mistake is made as far as etiquette is concerned to handle a difficult situation all reason goes out of their heads when their children are concerned. Most will assume their children act like perfect angels in social occasions and will let them run loose with little or no supervision, even if there are no other children in their age group present for them to play with or watch TV with.

So, you must be proactive and start as soon as you send out the invitations, letting people know when you see them in social situations that you're so sorry that children aren't being invited to the reception, but that you're sure you'll see their children once you're back from your honeymoon. Tell your best man and maid/matron of honor and all the bridesmaids and groomsmen and let them spread the word as well. The mothers and fathers of the bride and groom can take care of passing this message along during conversations about how the planning is progressing. If done thoroughly and diplomatically, you can experience a “kid-free zone” and no one's feelings will be hurt, all at the same time!"

Answer 4

Why don't you suggest that the ceremony take place on the boat, but have the boat moored at a dock where people can attend dock side. Hire a babysitter (or two) to attend to the safety and entertainment of the little ones in a rented space on the dock. Then the adults could ferry around in the boat for a while with the bride and groom. You didn't say whether or not the reception was at a different location. It does seem rude to discriminate and let older children attend and not the younger ones. It punishes the parents of the younger children and forces them to either miss the event or shell out for a babysitter. I agree that it is dangerous to have a collection of small, bored children on a boat. There could be liability issues there if one of them fell overboard, even though it is obviously their parents' responsibility to watch them. Good Luck.

Answer 5

There is no way to avoid hurting someone's feelings if the word gets out that only certain children are invited and others are not. The only way to properly exclude children is to make it an adults only affair. Also - when you think about it - attending a wedding is probably the LAST thing your sons want to do - especially the 16 year old! I suspect they will be grateful to your niece for not inviting them.

Answer 6

The normal way is to address the invite to only Mr. & Mrs. and do not add the family part. This is how is WAS done, but now alot of people assume this means the family too, which is not so. Like Mr. soandso and Guest, means they can bring one. She can add a note in the invites that states that do to safety issues, children under the age of ?? are not allowed on the ferry boat. She does not have to mention that it will be moored. Some people will be offended anyway, but that is their problem.

Answer 7

The easiest way to handle that is just to put Adults only. Of course people are going to be a little upset or start talking crap when they see your children there but no ones going to say anything to the bride on her wedding day. Why don't you just make it fair and get a babysitter for your children and have a night alone. That would also avoid alot of tension.

Answer 8

Probably the best way is to put on the RSVP: "Number of Adults Attending ___" If people aren't TOO dense, they'll ask about kids before responding and someone will just have to have the gumption to say, "Sorry, children under (5, 6, 7, whatever) will not be in attendance for this event."

Or you can plainly state on the RSVP that no children under X years are allowed to attend.

Answer 9

I wouldn't be offended as a day out without kids can be a god send. When I was getting married I put on my invitations peoples first names e.g. David and Tracey Smith. Enclosed a note to say children were invited to the music and light refreshments in the evening.

Answer 10

Just looked this up online... but it's going to seem a little upsetting I'm sure to people if there are some children there. But hey... it's her wedding!

"No Children" - How to Address this Situation
There really is no easy way to tell your guests that their beloved children are not invited. The most subtle approach is to spread the "no children" restriction by word of mouth. If you are looking for a more "formal" statement, here are two ways that avoid putting the bad news directly on the invitation:

On the reception card:

'Adult Reception'

or

On the response card:

Please respond on our before (Date)
M_________________
Number of Adults____