I'm only a sophmore in college...I'm a straight A student and I'm even on the Dean's list. I was engaged to a guy that I have been seeing for 6 years, but he left me when he found out that he was going to be a father. He wants nothing to do with the baby. He even offered to pay for an abortion, which I really don't agree with. I'm scared to death to tell my parents because they have always told me growing up that if I ever got pregnant while in school...they would completely cut off my tuition and kick me out of their house. I barely make enough money to support myself, let alone another life right now. Adoption isn't even an option for me bc I was adopted and it was one of the worst experiences of my life for many reasons...I would never put my child through that. I don't know what to do. Please help!
2007-02-01 06:54:40 · 51 answers · asked by Mandy 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
On another note...I don't think I would be a very good mother bc I know absolutely NOTHING about children. I'm an only child and I'm the youngest in my extended family. I have no gut instinct when it comes to things like this. And some of you asked, why didn't I use birth control...well, we did. I was on the pill and we Always used condoms. It's not like we just didn't care and went at it...I'm supossed to be getting married in 2 months! The wedding is completely planned out and ready to go, but now it's off. None of this was meant to happen...
2007-02-01 10:36:17 · update #1
Firstly, I know you don't want to hear or accept this truth, but that guy isn't the one you should marry. If he willingly laid down with you, you BOTH got pregnant. The man you should be spending the rest of your life with should be the man who sticks with you through thick, thicker, and thickest. He shouldn't run out on you, abandoning you when 'trouble' comes...hell...he participated in the 'trouble'. Things never go according to plan, whether it's career, social life, and especially with love. A man loving a woman means that he will do whatever is necessary to protect her honor, protect her from harm, and stand with her when the storm comes. Not run away with the only umbrella and an ultimatum on what he alone wants out of it. How very wicked and selfish of him to demand that you murder your unborn to satisfy his wants. Surely you don't trust someone like that to support you through the years. Getting married to someone you have something in common with, have great sex with, have the same goals as, and have the same faith as isn't enough. That person has to exist to desire to conquer the world with you. That person has to exist to desire to keep your best interests right there with his. You both should have the same desire to move forward in life as a team, building on values, building equity, building better selves.
As far as your parents, they probably just said those mean things to keep you in check. I'm sure they knew that you were sexually active, and wanted to threaten you into celibacy. Tell them the whole truth. Hopefully, they aren't too judgmental. But you must remember, they are parents and they might be rough on you. Be prepared by first analyzing what has happened to you. Try to separate your hurt and shock from the facts. Practice what you'd say to them and practice your response for any negative reaction from them. The same happened to my sister, and my mom ended being supportive, none the less.
Whatever your family, or ex-boyfriend says about the pregnancy, know what your options are as a parent; parenting groups, counseling, prenatal checkups, and maybe your school has some information about different organizations that could help you with shelter and financial assistance. Shame doesn't come in needing help, shame comes from being without your needs and being full of pride or fear.
Men come & go. You only have one YOU. I know it seems like the end of your plans, but it's not. This could've happened so you could see what kind of man you were about to marry. It's better to find out about him now, than to be trapped in a resentfull marriage with divorce looming.
I will pray for your good health and protection. Your faith will grow when you graduate from this experience. Be blessed.
2007-02-08 04:37:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to sound like a weirdo, but this was meant to happen. If you were on the pill, and he was using a condom and you still got pregnant, someone up there wants you to have a baby/life for a reason. Getting pregnant while in college is not the end of the world. I am in a different situation (married, a senior in college, and a little bit older) but I do know the services that most universities provide. One is childcare. Where I go to school there are several places ON CAMPUS that offer childcare, and it is run by graduate professors and early childhood development majors. In my opinion, some of the best people to be helping your rear your children. Also, there are government assisstance programs. I am sure you never in your life thought welfare was for you, but sometimes things happen. That is what the system is there for. The system IS NOT there for people who repeatedly pop out children just to get more money each month so that they do not have to work at all. There are many scholarships for single mothers that would help out with your tuition, also when you file FAFSA they ask if you have dependents. By answering yes, the government gives you additional funds for your education. Thinking you are not going to be a good mother does not mean that you wont be one. Everyone, even mothers who planned their pregnancies, have doubts. Maternal instincts kick in. I am not telling you you have to keep the baby, or that you are a horrible person. But just know that if you choose not to keep it, either through abortion or adoption, that you will not be able to forget your decision ever. Maybe it is the right one for you, maybe it is not. Your parents will be upset at first, but they will not disown you. Why would your parents put their only child (if you're adopted you are a child that they hand-picked after wanting one for so long) and their first and only grandchild on the streets??? It's not likely to happen. IF it does, there are shelters, group homes, etc that specialize in these circumstances. If the father thinks he's cool by bowing out of your life and this baby's life right now, then you need to make sure you are getting your legal side of this together. Again, there are government agencies who provide legal counsel for paternity/child support issues. Before you make any rash decisions remember that every life has a purpose.
2007-02-08 05:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by Erin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely a toughie. I don't think any one person can answer this but you. How do you feel about being a mom? I understand that it's easy to take into account that your parents are your "lifeline" for tuition. But I think it's important that you think long and hard about whether you want to be a mom, and then start there. If you can, confide in a family member (sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle) or even close family friend who you think will be the most supportive of your decisions. THEN, from there, you can go to your parents together with that trusted person, or even have them break the news for you.
Parents often spout off words of anger that they dont really mean. If a third party tells them, they can vent to the third party and have time to THINK before they actually talk to you. Be honest, be sincere and most of all be true to what you really want. Dont do something just because it will make them happy.
Before you make any big decisions- think about it. I am a mother of 3, with twins on the way. I never thought I'd be the domestic queen I am today- I thought I'd be running a big company. Instead, I'm a stay at home mom with a small business and I love every minute of it.
Everything happens for a reason. The ball is in your court. Remember that. It's in YOUR court.
2007-02-01 07:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not adoption? Over 200,000 couples out there are waiting to adopt your child. Some of them are even willing to allow you to stay part of the childs life. That way you can see with your very own eyes that you baby is taken care of properly.
The adoptive parents will pay for your medical care, living expenses and other expenses, too. Check out this website. It is just the first one that I found when I googled adoption agencies. It's cool becuase you can even see the profiles of the couples that want to adopt your baby.
Alternatively, you could keep your baby. It would be harder, but many single mothers work, go to school, and manage to take care of thier children.
How long until you finish school? If it means you chosing not to abort your baby, I would be happy to look after your baby for you until you finished school. Seriously! I will be a stay at home mom soon, and was considering becoming a foster parent. I am majorly pro-life and would do anything to save a baby from abortion. Email me if this intrests you at all. I assure you I am a totally normal person, and love children. I even have a security clearance with the government - so you would know I am not a weirdo. My husband is the best husband and dad in the world, too. He is the stay at home parent right now while he finishes his masters degree - then he goes to work.
Email me and I will give you access to see my myspace page - it's set to private. That way you can see where I live, what I look like, and pics of my family.
I wish the best for you! Take care and I hope you let me know what you decide.
2007-02-01 07:30:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't agree with abortion then don't do it. understand that when you compromise your believes you compromise who you are as a person. Do what your heart tells you to do. You were born to know what is right from wrong. Obviously your heart is saying do the opposite of what people are telling you to. What is your gut instinct??? Think hard. If you believe that keeping the baby is the best thing than do that. You understand how it feels to be adopted and since you don't want to put your child through that then don't. Now you have someone living inside of you and you can't just think that it's doesn't mean anything. Do what's best for the baby and then you. Your children are always first. Try talking with your parents and if they still stick to what they said before. Ask them to give you some time to get things together. As in getting a better job and maybe part-time schooling. try getting a job somewhere that you are going to school for, If possible. Hope this helps. get back to me and let me know how it goes. I want to know. I can help....
2007-02-01 07:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by TLP 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a very level headed young woman and you have a lot of things going for you. Tell your parents. They will probably be more supportive than what you realize. And then go from there. Whether your ex wants a child or not...he will be a father and will be responsible for providing for half of the childs support. You are not the only college student that this has happened to and you will not be the last. Prepare yourself for this obstacle that has been put in your road and go forward. It will be a little harder to finish college but not impossible. Some colleges provide daycare. If your does not then find one that is based on your income. You might have to get a part time job. You can do this.
Good Luck!
2007-02-01 07:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't comfortable getting an abortion or giving the child up then I say to you, good luck. Because what other option do you think you have? You are to become a mother whether you like it or not, and if you got pregnant while using two forms of birth control then God gave you that child as a blessing because he feels you are ready even though you believe you may not be. Experience or intuition will come with time though you may not have it now. Embrace this opportunity and make the very best you can out of it. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-02-07 10:17:09 · answer #7 · answered by chelee girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I want to say I am sorry you had a bad experience w/adoption. Next I want to say Please do not abort. I adopted my nephew and he is very healthy and happy. There are ways to make sure that your baby goes to a good family without any trauma to the baby. There are also places that will help you through your pregnancy should your parents cut you off. My father always said that if my sisters or I ever got pg out of wed lock that he would cut us off and he didn't when the time came. Maybe your folks are just talk. Sometimes things look different when they really happen and people don't react the way they thought they would. Talk to them. And don't forget that whether he wants to admit it or not you did not make this baby alone and he is responsible for helping you bring the baby into the world. Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-02-01 07:06:10 · answer #8 · answered by knight_janette 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a friend or friends that you can trust to stand by you?? If so ask them to be by your side when you tell your parents. You may find that it goes better then you think.
Plenty of resources to help you if you need the extra support and help.
If you do choose to have the baby,don't worry your motherly instincts will kick in. Almost all first time moms worry that they wont be a good mother or know what to do with a baby but once they place your little one in your arms for the first time,you have become a mother and everything that goes with the title will fall into place. Being a Parent has its rewards and challenges but it is sooooo worth it........Good luck
I know the breakup and the cancellation of your wedding must be very difficult but rather find out now what kind of a man he is then after it was to late
2007-02-08 09:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by pepc1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nobody would know what kind of mother they will be until they become one, so not to fret about that. I am glad u are not considering abortion. U can get all the information u need on how to care for urself during pregnancy and how to care for your baby on many websites. Your boyfriend leaving you at this time of need shows how irresponsible he is, its his loss. No matter how much u wanted to marry him and the wedding is now off because of your pregnancy (his baby), look at it as a blessing in disguise. Start saving money and i hope your parents would understand. I am sure u can cope studying and being pregnant at the same time. Remember one thing, if you want to be in your child's life tomorrow, be in his life today. Having a baby is the most wonderful thing a woman could have, and nothing can beat that.
2007-02-07 15:25:26 · answer #10 · answered by Say what? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say you already made up your mind about the baby. Here is some advice on what to do now. Weither or not your ex~ wants to be a dad, it's NOT his choice to make, and he will have to support this child too. Even if he doesn't while you are pregnant, you can demand a paternity test when that baby is born, He will have to pay for half of your pregnancy expenses.I only know this because of my husband former girlfriend, and my step~son. Situation was a little differant, but long and short was that the courts made him pay up, and they will for your ex~ too. I would get ahold of your local health dept. The have programs for things like insurance, and food, even extra money if you don't make enough. I would also check out some sites on being a single mom, while trying to finish college, there are non profit organizations out there that will help you. I think you have made the right choice. Good Luck!
Here are some sites, I thought might help you....
http://www.gcinc.org/uploadDocs/Final%20EIPP%20Brochure%20B&W.pdf
this site has adoption in it's title but offer finicial advice and programs for women who plan to keep their babies as well..
http://www.adoptionservices.org/adoption/adoption_financial_assistance.htm
2007-02-01 07:13:50 · answer #11 · answered by Thia K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋