Ex spouce has had custody of 17 year old son for 11 years, and has instilled no disicipline or structure to child's life. Child has been in and out of drug rehab's and juvinelle detention centers for 6 years; now ex is done with the child and wants to reverse custody....which was fought 'dirty' for in the beginning...was always told that son living with me was not an option, till now...???
2007-02-01 06:21:25 · 6 answers · asked by gwen s 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
It sounds like you really love your son and for the past 11 years you've been sad and frustrated to see what's happened to him - because YOU know his potential.
That potential is still there. But you may need some help as he's had no discipline and has had so many troubles.
You might want to start with some classes that can help you decide how to best parent him at this point. Parenting for Love and Logic for teens might be a good starting point. You might also speak with the drug rehab programs, juvenile detention centers, etc. about their recommendations - because it sounds like you really want to help him turn his life around.
Talk to your son and ask him where he wants to go with his life. Then you can help him put together a path to get there. Maybe you can go to AA/NA with him or attend the support groups they offer for parents, that sort of thing.
This is a huge project and I don't blame you for feeling bitter towards your ex. But it sounds like you feel there is hope for your son and that's what he needs most - someone who believes in him.
2007-02-01 06:42:29 · answer #1 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep it short, simple and sweet. Ask the son if he would consider living with you (man, does he need you in his life even if he may not know it yet). Bu tell him that there's a lot of structure to the way you live and he has to participate in that structure. Curfews, allowance, a few simple chores that have to be done faithfully, he has to keep his room clean, eat dinner at the table with you every night unless there's a school function ((then eat earlier that night), etc.
In short, he'll feel like he's looking at living with the Brady Bunch! Tell him, though, the good side of it: that you will support him in his goals, he can bring someone to the house to watch a movie (no alcohol, though), his laundry will get done and he will learn how to do it. There will be a lot of differences but there will be some that he will like. And ask him what is important to him. Whatever it is, keep it in mind.
See if he wants to try a trial period. Agree that you will both try to make it work. Good luck with this kid - he will soon enough be out in the world and miss the stability of what you can give him.
2007-02-04 12:14:56 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but you married a creep! he does the damage and wants to dump a problem in your lap. He probably has determined that he screwed up and doesn't want the responsibility an longer - or the concrete evidence of his lack of parenting.
I know you love your son. But, he is almost an adult. What can you do? Your ex destroyed a person's life. Do you have other children that he would influence? Tough Love on this one.
You need a lawyer on this one.
2007-02-01 07:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Dizney 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is not any longer a extensive age distinction between 14 and 17, yet there's a great adulthood distinction. that's not proper how mature you're on your age, or how immature he's for his. 14 and 17 are only on diverse planets. At 14 you have no longer any person privileges, on the grounds which you're no longer something greater effective than a infant. At 17 you may rigidity, artwork, pay taxes, marry and connect the militia with parental consent. In some months he would be an person. you're a lot greater a infant than person and he's a lot greater person than infant. i understand that's hard, yet relationship in teenaged years are difficult. human beings replace and mature at diverse costs, making great age communities difficult in this era. now and lower back even relationship somebody a year older or youthful is only too a lot good now. no longer because of the fact of age gaps, yet because of the fact on the adulthood tiers. The age of consent in maximum areas is sixteen. Him being 17 and you being 14 creates a sturdy warfare. If absolutely everyone found out he grew to become into even spanking your yet, making out with you, or doing something sexual it may be the top for him. And in my view i do no longer think of that's honest in a courting . Relationships are all approximately with the flexibility to be intimate and close to to a lover, for this reason that's superb as much as now in criminal a while that way you may gain this. you do no longer want to break his existence over this. So my suggestion in case you extremely love one yet another, wait a year till you're sixteen. I advise if that's quite going to artwork out it is going to once you're greater mature and criminal. I won't bounce to the top that he's once you for intercourse, yet he's with you for a courting. And with relationships come sexual thoughts and rigidity to fill those desires. So it is going to ensue (nicely out of your paragraph alongside with oral intercourse that's already going on) in spite of the undeniable fact that that's only no longer criminal.
2016-11-23 20:46:27 · answer #4 · answered by rew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your son even though she was nasty in the custody battle..she just gave up on him...please dont give up on him..that's the last thing he needs right now...take him in and show him the love he really needs and wants.
2007-02-01 06:28:03 · answer #5 · answered by Celeste' 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it you have the choice of taking custody, or are you being forced to? If you have a choice, I say do it and try your best to straighten the kid out. Think about this way, can you do any worse than your ex did?
2007-02-01 06:27:58 · answer #6 · answered by tabithap 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋