My sister got pregnant 15 years ago after only being with this guy 1 time. She was only 17 and the guy was 27 I think so she was too scared to tell him. So for the past couple years my niece has been wanting to meet him. I found the phone number but not the address and I was wondering how you tell someone something like that...she wants my help but I cant figure out how to tell him..She knows to expect that things might not work out and he might not be too happy about it. Please give me some ideas on how to tell him...
2007-02-01 05:07:21 · 11 answers · asked by julie841223 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Were not telling her mom because we already tried and she doesnt want ther to meet him because she thinks its not a big deal and she went this long without him. She really doesnt understand,so i cant give him the phone number to call her there...
2007-02-01 05:15:28 · update #1
to cesar...my niece just wants to meet him she doesnt want anything from him. She wants me to call him and explain it to him. I do know that he has a daughter and is married now but his daughter is from a different lady and doesnt live with them.
2007-02-01 05:23:41 · update #2
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY GREED AND WHY DOESN SHE WANT TO CONNECT?? she is 15...and has never had a father figure in her life.
2007-02-01 05:25:14 · update #3
Thank you all so much for your opinions it helped alot :)
2007-02-01 06:11:45 · update #4
You've got some good answers already. I have a feeling, realistically, that you're not going to be able to do this without upsetting your sister but you likely won't be able to stop your niece either... not for very long. And, if I were in her shoes, I would also want to know and I wouldn't want to wait. He's only about 42 now but we all know that anyone can die and she'd have missed her chance. Just make sure she's as ready to face this as possible- he could easily reject her... and if she's wanting to meet him, she obviously wants something - I don't mean material things- but a father or to satisfy her curiosity or something... and she could get really let down. So, that said:
Does anyone else know both your sis, the man and the situation? If so, it might be a good idea to have them contact him. Otherwise, go very gently with him and make it very clear that there is no thought of anything legal. And, I'd call with a business voice and a class reunion (or something) spiel first, because who knows who will answer the phone... and then, just go gently and lay it out for him (in a level voice, emphasizing that you want nothing from him, just the chance to meet him) and let him call the shots. Give him a phone number or email add (might be a good idea to set up an acct just for this purpose) that he can use to be in touch with you. He'll need time to adjust to it and may well say some things the first time that he'll feel differently about the next time. I think I'd do it as an Auntie... Good Luck!
Oh yeah, and start out by making sure you've got the right one! Like are you the John S that lived in xx at such and such street?
2007-02-01 06:03:29 · answer #1 · answered by boots&hank 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend was in this situation, but she was older - over 21 - so that all financial obligation was over and done. She simply called her dad, told him her name, her mother's name, and when she was born, when she was conceived, and hoped for the best.
Her wonderful father couldn't wait to meet her. She now has two familes - the one she grew up in and the one that brought her into the fold as a "friend" until her half brothers and sisters were old enough to understand. She is much more like her Dad than her Mom, so for her it was like finding a real sense of sane family.
Definitely let your niece do the calling, not you or your sister. Before she does, explain what she needs to say - "I am not looking for money, my Mom doesn't know that I am calling you. I understand that this is a surprise but I wanted to give you my telephone number so that we might become acquainted sometime. I would like particularly to learn about any potential health issues I might have."
Prepare her for the types of reactions from both her bio dad and her mom. If he says "go away and get lost" then her Mom doesn't have to know. If he says he wants to meet her (you must go too, of course) then you'll have to figure out a way to tell your sister.
Good luck!
2007-02-01 06:07:45 · answer #2 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you make the initial call to judge how he is going to take the fact that he has a daughter that is 15 years old, also you probably need to let him know what you are expecting out of this meeting, my bet is that he is going to deny and then ask what do want from him. Obviously you are not looking for a fatherly figure, you simply want him to know he has a daughter who wants to meet him. Also take into account that he may already have a established family and that dynamic may not play out well if you simply plunge this little girl into the mix, you might ruin what could have been a good relationship between her father and daughter...let the meeting take place on his terms.
or
take him to court for support, and that will definitely do the trick.
my choice would be the former.
2007-02-01 05:19:04 · answer #3 · answered by Cesar G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sister definately should call him. tell her to just dive in and give it to him straight. The tone of her call should be very serious with him so he doesnt think its a prank or that shes crazy. She has to throw away all of her pride during the call because this means alot to her daughter. Expect the guy to freak out and expect the worse. Tell her to call when her daughters not around and get everything squared away before she brings her daughter into it. If the guy does not want to meet his daughter (he might want a DNA test first wich is comepletely understandable), try to give him some time and work it out with him before breaking the news to her daughter. Finally, her daughter is really going to need some extra support when she finally meets this guy. She is going to feel very insecure and will want the guy to accept her.
2007-02-01 05:24:10 · answer #4 · answered by Lena 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might send him a nice greeting card with a neutral, but nice message. Include a photograph. Give HIM the option of contacting her. If he does, she may find it rewarding. If he doesn't, she should buzz off and be content knowing who her dad was while accepting the fact of life that genetic connections do NOT guarantee fileal relationships. A lawyer can give legal advice about her rights to inherit, but I think that is about all she can expect. WHY does she want to 'connect'? If she has greed as a motive, she is a thief worth ignoring.
2007-02-01 05:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hey i personally think that ur niece curiosity is very healthy. and that her not knowing who ur father is, is leaving a big hole in her life. he is the other half that made her. even tho ur sis is sacred i think she should be happy that she has a beautiful daughter. n she shouldn't fear anything.
kk enough of that.
i personally would call him and talk to him. also ask him for msn and add him on msn messenger then tell him to bye a web CAM and a microfone that way u and him can see each others face and that way your daughter can see how he looks and ask question and wat not. THIS WOULD BE ALOT EASIER THEN FACE TO FACE. then you can go on from there mayB see each other in real life.
take it one step at a tyme. and if he asks for some time give it to him. because this may be too much for him. if u watch passions ud noe wat Theresa is going through don't be like her. itz already to too long.
and if he doesn't want to be in her life then don't hate ur self or blame ur self , because ur a strong woman. u already raise ur 15 yrs old daughter and im happy u didnt do an abortion like so young moms dude props to u !!.
when is father's day? if Ur not sure to do it rite away den maybe u should do it on father's day? itz just a suggestion. and get ur daughter to make a list of wat she wants u to ask him u and her should brain strom nuttin to hard or harsh for him. then hopefully you three would meet and he can be a dad and she could meet her step- siblings if dazt wat u guys want.
honeslty go for it u have nothing to lose and so much to gain
in the end do wat is right for u and ur girl and do wat is in ur comfort zone!!
2007-02-01 06:32:09 · answer #6 · answered by Leila A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was your sister's decision not to tell the father that she had his child, and you should respect her decision. Your niece is a minor, and her mother is responsible for decisions regarding her upbringing, not you! Once your niece is 18, she has the right to contact her father, and that is what you should explain to her.
2007-02-01 05:43:19 · answer #7 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
try mail first. But after 15 years , why tell him at all. Dude may flake out, thinking your trying to shake him down for money
2007-02-01 05:14:09 · answer #8 · answered by duster 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope you find the answers you need for your nieces sake.
help her any way you can, children have a right to know and so does the unsuspecting father.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!
2007-02-01 05:42:53 · answer #9 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one thing you need to talk to your sister first. It is her place to tell this man that he has a daughter.
2007-02-01 05:13:48 · answer #10 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋