Can you explain why this responder thought this would be Patronizing?

Question

HERE WAS THE QUESTION:Please help! I just think I'm so misunderstood!?
I want to show that I'm interested in something, for example shadowing someone in my chosen profession. But I feel like I come across as disingenous. I ask questions and smile, sometimes I'm quiet, but.....I just don't know how to else to prove to them that I'm interested in the profession which I REALLY honest-to-goodness really I am!
Its like now I don't know how to be anymore, when I try to show that I'm interested i come across as being disingenous and when I don't try I come across as indifferent. Please help. :)
I think its because I smile in the beginnng and then later on become normal, I don't know how let conversations flow well. I do say Wow, and Great and that's Good! When they are telling me something interersting......i just don't know how to act? I can be myself but........they will think I'm indifferent
HERE WAS A YAHOO! ANSWER: My suggestion to you is that first, don't push. After a while all you think about is making a mistake or being thought of incorrectly, so back off a bit and stop hanging on somebody's words. And also when you use words like Wow, Great, and thats Good people can think that you are patronizing them

Answer 1

Don't worry about it ,keep smiling..people are jerks .

Answer 2

I think the answerer was trying to tell you that people can VIEW these things as patronizing, or as insincere; I would have to agree with him if such responses in a conversation are forced. Most of us know when a person is truely impressed, or is "faking" it, even if their behavior is well-meant.

I think the answer to your original question is to LISTEN; some people think that they have to make all kinds of responses when a person is explaining something (ever see somebody try to act like they know what an antique dealer is talking about on good ol' Antiques Roadshow, when in fact, they haven't got a clue...??). Don't try to impress the person; instead, be attentive; if you need more information on a particular point, ask questions, but mostly, just *listen*. When you try to force it, you WILL almost certainly seem insincere; when you ask about things you truly don't understand, or about which you need clarification, your interest will be demostrated in an appropriate way, and the fact that you are interested will be obvious. If you have the opportunity to shadow someone, be sure to take notes; when the person you're learning from sees you doing so, he/she will know you consider what they're saying/doing to be important enough that you want to be SURE to remember it; it also gives you something to do instead of just standing there!

Good luck.

Answer 3

I think the responder may have been likening the "wow" etc as something a parent might say to a kid (you know the tone...). It doesn't seem patronizing to me, actually. I think the best word in that sentence might have been "distracted" or "indifferent"? Either way, the advice you were given seems otherwise good. :)

To answer your original question... worry less about how you appear... if you're interested, ask questions and try to learn. They'll pick up on it. Smiling isn't important, but interest definitely is! :)

Answer 4

They meant a s***up. That was mean to say to you. What if you stop "trying to show them" this or that and you find a thought that will help you relax and be yourself. Obviously, you are NOT indifferent. If they have any powers of discernment, they will sense that in you. Acting out a false front to cater to their requirements is too hard to keep going. You care as you said and you speak as you speak. Hope for the best and work hard in case of the worst. It makes me too tired to keep a good face going if I don't feel it. I understand the pressure you are under though and you are wise to try and find answers. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

This person probably thought of the words being said in a disinterested or somewhat sarcastic tone, or maybe even with to much enthusiasm. It is easy for words like these to sound patronizing if they are not backed up with a genuine thought, commeny, or opinion. Actually, I often tell my husband something about my day or our kids and get the response, oh, wow, and ask him, honey, are you patronizing me. he says no, i'm genuinly interested, but it's easy to take it wrong. In todays sarcastic and self centered world, it's no wonder.

Answer 6

Maybe..and I am saying maybe people would find it patronizing because those words are the exact words I use when I am not really listening.

Good job...I say that to my ten year old and don't mean it.. Good boy..I say that to my dog and I know he really doesn't understand me so when you use words like these people might think you are just pretending to listen to them.. they are catch words sort of everyone uses them to pretend to care when they really don't care so it probably seems you don't care to the person you are speaking with.