He made it clear that he wanted a divorce, but at the same time he has bought a large truck(we have 5 kids), and is helping me to get a license so I can "drop him off and pick him up like the other wives" after work(he is military) I hadn't filed because i recently found out i was ill and can't get a job until i finish treament.
2007-02-01 04:52:13 · 40 answers · asked by uadoreme4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has talked about divorcing me at least twice a week since the first announcent. He wants a divorce because I refuse to accept that he should be able to do what he wants while I am supposed to take care of the kids and nothing else. He wasn't like this until he rejoined the military we've been together 12 years and married 9.
2007-02-01 07:06:20 · update #1
Hi. I am retired military, and I know l that one of the hardest things in the world is being a military spouse. It sounds like your husband thinks that you are totally dependent upon him, because you are not working. You can't make someone be with you that does not want to be with you. He is probably having an affair. My advice to you is to seek a separation yourself, or grant him his wish. You might want to mention to him that that little extra money he gets, you know the beq/boq, the money for food, and not to mention whatever else your lawyer sees fit is yours and not his. When his check all of a sudden becomes a peck and not a check, then he will realize what a fool he was. Remember you are his wife. a military spouse, SO you have a whole lot of rights. Go ahead and talk to one of those lawyers on base. Preferably a female. I give this advice, because before I had God In my life, I to was a hard-headed sailor. Good luck, and God bless
2007-02-08 17:02:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What this man is clearly telling you is ...he wants the divorce but doesn't want to take the responsibility of being the bad guy for filing and ....he doesn't want to put out the $$$$$ either for a lawyer and the biggy the most important -----HE DOESN"T WANT TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT OR MAINTENANCE (spousal support for you).
He will also loose the dependant allotment and if you're living in base housing you'll also loose that as well.
On military pay I don't see how he could go out and buy a large brand new truck! I'm not military but recently put a large down on a truck from a trade in and cash and still this truck cost nearly $30,000.00. Payments over $325 a month. I'm former military and never would dream of indebting myself to the point that I would take food out of my childrens mouths for the want of an expensive truck.
You say you're ill and can't work until you finish treatment. Honey with 5 kids at home you're working every day.
You blame the military for his actions. there is something more deep rooted in your situation than the military.
I would say ignore his threats of divorce---concentrate on your health for the moment. Once you're finished with treatment seek out employment and secure it. Don't put the $$ you make into any joint account you and he might have. Open an account of your own and start stashing -----(rainy day---divorce day may come and you certainly want to be financially prepared)
2007-02-08 22:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read carefully. Don't be afraid to be without him. He really knows if he try to divorce you, everything can be taken from him even his big truck. You better start getting your ducks in arow for you and those kids. GO< GO< GO to JAG now and talk to a lawyer there and if they are not talking right, go to your own private lawyer. Your husband will be made to pay for the support of the kids and alimony a place for you all to live and he will have to provide a car for you to carry you and the kids around. I ADVISE you to go ahead and get your license. Stop sounding helpless. You are not. Hold your head up high and the next time he tells you he wants a divorce, tell him what's taking him so long. He could be working on it right now and you sitting around wondering why have he has not done it yet and his lawyer could be messing you up as we type. Call a cab, a friend or whatever and get your butt down to a law office and tell them everything he has said to you and what he is doing. The military will get him for being immoral. Don't sit and wait for him to change his mind about the divorce, if he say it, then that's what he want and he's probably have a woman on the side. Don't let him get away with not taking care of those babies, out buying trucks when he have a wife and 5 kids. What a jacka**.
2007-02-05 21:49:52 · answer #3 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him tear you down, try to talk with him and see where he wants things to stand. If he wants to make this work then he needs to get out of his venturous ways and be a husband and a father. let him know if he is not planning for a divorce then you don't want to hear of it any more. It's either stay in or get out but when children are involved you both need to think of then first cause discomfort in a home is not healthy for them.Regardless if he is the money maker or not you are a family and it is all of yours not just his, I was a single parent of three for 8 years it can be done. it's not about what you have but the love you give to each other. Also being in the military and the time you have been married he will have to pay and there is a good chance you and the kids will keep medical benefits. Don't let him play mind games or stress you out anymore then you already are with your sickness. Stay strong and good luck!
2007-02-08 09:02:25 · answer #4 · answered by butterflyangel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he feels trapped because you both have five children maybe there is no time for the both of you to have an intimate moment together, therefore he sees no way out other than getting a divorce. He thinks he will be free,but he has another thing coming because he will have to pay a whole lot of child support and spouse support.
It could be that he knows you are ill and he does not want to get a divorce until you get better.
Hang in there girl and everything will fall into place for you, God does not give you what you can't handle.
2007-02-08 23:18:49 · answer #5 · answered by dragonlover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy to figure out what 's going on in a man's mind, but I think he might be confused himself. I think you better have a good talk about it to understand what both of you really want. With the time that you've spent together, I don't think it has something to do with your health. Maybe he bought the truck to make amends or as a sign of "starting again". I hope the best for you.
2007-02-08 23:00:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he's playing games with you. Tell him to file already. What is he waiting for? Ask him if he would rather you file. Call him on this. You're not his maid, his mother, or subservient. This should be an marriage of equals. If not, how could he trust you to raise his children? Get your license, then get yourself a car. BTW, I would start stockpiling some money too. With his attitude, he wants you to be dependent on him, so he can control everything. Don't let him do this. Good luck.
2007-02-08 09:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is just saying that to try to get what he wants which is to do nothing and not get nagged at. Also if he is really attached to his children that could be another issue. Paying child support/paying for the divorce gets expensive. When you get well and get a job and show him that you mean business when hes just playing games , it might open up his eyes. You'll find out if he really wants to split, or at least why. Some guys like to manipulate to see if they can get what they want.
2007-02-08 19:42:25 · answer #8 · answered by jenny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may want to but he may not want to. He has a family with you and maybe he said it out of anger. Maybe he feels you are trying to take all his money. Who knows but if he wants a divorce you should go and move out. If you are sick I am sorry but being in a negative environment like that is not helping. Move to your family or friends and get yourself better. See what his problem is and see if you cant work through it. If not file for divorce. That is all you can do and at least you can say you tried.
2007-02-01 04:58:32 · answer #9 · answered by Tim VP 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants... has he been deployed recently? When my husband came back from Iraq he didn't know how to be a husband and father anymore - although he worked hard at doing both. I'm sure sometimes he wanted to walk out the door, but he knew I was there for him and would stay while he sorted things out.
Try to get him to go to counseling with you? The military offers this.
Also, think about what you want... are you willing to stick by him until he gets his head out of his butt? Or do you want to be free too? It's your decision as much as it is his.
2007-02-05 15:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by erismom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋