How would you feel if your daughter treated you like this?

Question

My daughter's 13th birthday was yesterday all the pipes busted in our bathroom a few weeks ago and it costs alot of money to be fixed for this reason I told her that her birthday party and presents would have to go on hold for 3 days when my husband gets paid. All day yesterday she said I ruined her birthday she hated her birthday kept bringing up the fact I didn't get her anything just really making me feel like a low life I felt bad anyway but just her saying things to me like this made me cry for the whole night it's not that I was purposely broke I have plans to make it up this weekend why would she treat me this way I've always been there what hurts is her father is always in and out of prison I say he's only seen her on 2 birthdays and she never says anything to him ever why do I have to be treated like crap aomeone who has never let her down and has always been there shouldn't I get a break for trying to keep our house livable and how would anyone handle this if they were me

Answer 1

DONT PLAN SHiiT FOR HER! That girl doesn't deserve anything at all!! Shes being VERY unnapriciated! And thats not good. Your doing your best for her, and shes mis using that! No. You tried you best maybe next time. Dont cry for that. Dont waste your tears.

Answer 2

First run out and buy the book, "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey.

A few weeks ago a crisis happened and you were not prepared financially to deal with it. Instead you robbed Peter to pay Paul. In this case Peter was your daughter..... I bet the plumber isn't too upset with you now though.... too bad you don't live with him.

How would I have handled it?

In our case, we have a savings account designated for emergencies.... so the plumber would have gotten paid, AND a savings account for the birthday party.... so that would have happened too.... so in our case both would happen and we would be working on refilling our emergency fund rather than re-establishing our relationship with our daughter.

How should you have dealt with it? The old 13 days of birthday of course. On the first day (her real birthday) she gets a cake ($2.50 if you make it yourself) some streamers, the funny hats and the blowing things, with her friends. Play a few games in the living room and give her a card as a present.... costs maybe $10 all told.
Day two, you are still broke, but have her skip school with you and do some shopping.... the kind where you don't buy anything, just look.
Day 3, while she is in school run out and buy some of that stuff she liked since your husband got paid, don't give it to her all at once though.... she's still got 10 more days of birthday.

Through the next 10 days alternate presents of material value with presents of emotional value. Let her have a sleepover, take her out for dinner. (even if its just burgers) Go for a walk together... stay up all night.... and of course give her a present or two every other day.

As others have said, 13 is a really special time for a child, they are officially "teenagers". Back in my day it was 16, but everything seems to happen earlier these days.

So apologize to your daughter for letting her down, get the book, read the book, do the book, so that you won't ever be stuck in this situation again.

Answer 3

You know, I know what you are going through. No Im not a parent but I was a 13 year old nightmare. i would always give my mom a hard time, I think it was just a cry for attention. Unfortunately my mother died when I was 13 of Ovarian Cancer. The last time I saw my mother was 2 weeks before she died and we had a huge fight and the last thing I said to her was "I hate you, leave me alone" it was out of anger. I would do ANYTHING to tell my mother Im sorry for everything I ever did. I am 24 years old now and I still miss my mother very much.

Being the fact that the father is barely around that could be a problem. You daugher might seem that she isn't getting the attention she needs. Try and compromise with her. Let her know that there are worse things in the world that could happen and be thankful it was only pipes that broke. Explain to her that there could of been a fire and everything could of been destroyed. You have to show some kind of reasoning to her. I know its hard and to this day I know I put my mom who was sweet as anything through hell. If all else fails, seek a family counselor. Maybe she has a lot of feelings that she needs to get out and same with you.

Goodluck to you.

Answer 4

She should understand that there is nothing you can do about the pipes.
Although, she doesn't have a normal life if her father is always in and out of prison, why are you even married to him? The fact that she has a family member like that is going to make all the difference.
As for the gift, well, I can see where you're both coming from.
It is kind of disappointing to not receive anything, but she'll get over it in time and see that she was wrong.
Just be patient, and calmly explain that there's not much you can do about the pipes, money, or gift.

Answer 5

If I were in your shoes I'd explain to her that the pipe breaking was an unexpected cost and you'd be buying her presents late, BUT you'd still celebrate on her birthday. You can still have a good time and make her feel special. Little things like letting her choose what's for dinner, letting her ride in the front seat in the car, etc, just little things that set her birthday apart from other days.

It sounds lke she really let you know how much it hurt her feelings, and she hurt you in return. That wasn't very mature of her but she's still young...

I'd get her the presents as you intended, but don't feel like you're indebted to her, you don't have to "make up for it" year after year.

Answer 6

It sounds like you have to deal with a lot with your husband's situation and trying to raise your daughter. You're doing a great job trying to be strong for your family, and it's ok to find a moment of weakness. But it's time to just get stronger. Your daughter is probably going through a lot as well not having her father around all the time. It's tougher for a kid to understand that money doesn't grow on trees. Just set her down and try your best to calmly talk with her (not at her) about the family's situation. In the long run, your daughter will mature because of it.

Answer 7

You ought to be furious at her, not apolagetic. She should be grateful that she gets presents at all and you should discipline her for having no respect. I say this because I was a jerk to my mom when I was 13, and it's partially just a phase, but it's also an opportunity to teach her that if she can't have the patience to wait 3 days for some presents, maybe she doesn't deserve presents at all. You can't treat people like crap and still expect them to bend over backwards for you, and she's better off learning that from you than someone else.

Answer 8

it sounds like she is only trying to make you feel bad, which it looks like she succeeded. she is only 13, your not a bad parent, you did the right thing. say you did ignore busted pipes and had her party and presents. she would feel really bad, i would hope. but if it were mine i would tell her simply, keep it up and you will have nothing for your birthday. not that her birthday isnt important but there are things that come up that need to be taken care of. its not like you ignored the fact that it was her bday. just keep in mind shes 13 and everything is personal @ that age. good luck.

Answer 9

so she is upset that you didnt' get her anything despite the fact that you told her she would have to wait. she is going through her crazy teen years where all girls decide to hate their mothers. i went through it too, but by the time you get to you mid 20's everything changes and your mother becomes your bestfriend. just give her some space, and let her know that she will be getting presents this weekend. plus, even let her pick some out so she knows that she is going to get something she likes. i'm sure she has gone to school and told all her friends that her parents don't care about her because they didn't get her anything...then her friends will be like what horrible parents you have. truly it is the thought that counts...just like christmas was never meant to be about giving tons of presents away...which is what we..it is about jesus being born. so her birthday should be about celebrating her life. one day she will understand that her dad is a big jerk and that he doesn't mean anything to her. it will take her learning that though, so don't put the bad card on him so fast. all in due time everything will work out. hope this helps, and cheer up a bit...have a nice day!

Answer 10

12-15 year old girls... oooh.. they don't know how to appropriately express themselves and for the most part [most of them] are VERY SELFISH. She made you feel bad, I'm sure and while you've been pulled in several directions you'd appreciate some gratitude and patience from her. Don't expect it from her for a few years or else you will be really constantly disappointed. My advice to you is the same really useful advice my sister gave me about my adolescent daughter who tries to drive ME batty as well. It is helpful for the time being to EMOTIONALLY remove yourself from situations dealing with her and deal with her as a PARENT. Don't expect her to shower you with love and respect. She will come around. Without the emotional connection, you are freed to deal with her so she can grow into a tolerable person. I know it sounds like a hard thing, but it works. I'm emotional like you so I can understand your crying. I know how you feel. But give this a try. It will keep you from wanting to ... do something bad to the child, until she regains respect and sanity.

Answer 11

You never let her down but you let her down on one of the most important birthday's a teen girl can have. She turned 13! She's officially a teenager. It was a little mean of you not to even give her a present on this special day. I'd be upset too. You should have at least have 1 or two special gifts. To not celebrate on her actual birthday is mean...I understand the party situation but not the actual birthday.

Her dad has nothing to do with this. He's a loser and isn't even involved so why would she waste her emotion on him? She's mad at you because you let her down. Just keep apologizing and give her an even better present.

Superficial I know, but teenage girls are crazy and unless you make this right she'll probably remember it and be resentful for the rest of her life.