Advice on leaving someone?

Question

I want to get out of a relationship that I have been in for 14 years, since I was 14. Moved out when I was 16 with the man I am with. Saying we are disfunctonal is putting it mild. I have battled depression and growing drug use because I feel like I am in prison. because of how unhappy I am. There are no good days anymore. The problem is I don't make much money and really don't have any family or friends to help. Any advice on how one with nothing can start a life on their own?

Answer 1

Recognize that you have already taken the first step by deciding to move out. Your life would probably continue in a downward spiral if you don't leave.
If you're not employed, look for a job. If you already have a job, perhaps you can get another part-time job. You may be eligible for some public assistance, such as food stamps. Sounds like a lot of work but it's a lot easier than throwing your life away, staying in a relationship that is dysfunctional. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I congratulate you for realizing that things won't get better unless YOU change things.

Answer 2

First, I wouldn't say you have nothing. Sounds like you have a strong will and a desire to make yourself better.

You have to find a place to live. Rent a room or find a roommate. I would suggest moving to another part of town so you won't have to see your ex so much. Try to take a few days off from work so you can really put some thorough effort into looking up places, then going out to have a look at them and deciding on which one to rent.

Next, STOP the drug use. You will be able to function much better and think a lot more clearly when you have a clear head. Definitely you will be a better help to yourself if you are sober, and STAY sober. Besides, you will need the extra money.

Don't be afraid to be on your own. A lot of people in long term relationships seem to forget how to be on their own and really put off ending a bad relationship because they fear being by themselves. Again, don't be afraid. Just remind yourself each and every day that you are better off out of a bad relationship then in a burning bed. And when the time comes when you start to heal, someone else will come along and see the wonderful you shining through!!

The hard part is actually telling the man that you want to leave him. When you do, sit him down and tell him very calmly and rationally that you must end the relationship. Be firm, be strong. Make sure you do it at a time when you are able to see it through and not go back on your word. If he tries to convince you to stay, say that you do or did love him, but the time has come to move on. Tell him you have changed. Tell him that you are very unhappy and you cannot stay in a relationship where there are no more good days. If he gets emotional, again, be strong. I know it will be hard, as you once loved this man, but stay the course. Don't be hurtful. Let him know that you two can be friends, but only after a while when you feel that you can see him again without any lingering pain. If he gets violent, then all the more reason you should be leaving him and call the police if you have to. Not a very pleasant way to break it off, but don't get physically harmed. Call a hotline if you need help with how to say what you need to. There are plenty of local resources that you can get assistance from.

I hope this has helped you in some small way. Remember you ARE strong and you are a good person and days WILL get better for you.

The very best of luck to you!!

Answer 3

there is many places you can go to that will help you get on your own two feet..... I am guessing that the person you are with is not of much help... don't really know if he is an agressive man.. but if he is not you should talk to him tell him that you are not happy. You were young when you decided to move in with him and that you have now changed your mind or that you feel like you two have grown apart. If he is agressive than i think you should leave when he is not around...act like everything its normal and when he least expects it you will leave. About starting a life on your own.... well once you have gone to a center where they can help you, you should apply for financial aid and start going to school. in this country no matter who you are you are nothing without an education. and you will have to find a part time job, so that you can pay some of necessary things you need. Don't forget that it will be tough but in order to become someone you have to sacrifice now to have a better future. i hope i was of some help.

Answer 4

My first marriage was 10 years old when I divorced. I hadn't worked in years, as I was a stay at home Mom of three. I got child support and that was it. So, I rented a little shack, and somehow, God only knows how, made it on $800 a month child support with three children depending on me. I was constantly searching for jobs while scraping by. The moral of this story, is if you are really unhappy, you can do it. It's NOT going to be easy. You may be hungry sometimes. (I would literally not eat sometimes, trying to make sure the peanut butter and Ramen noodles were available for my children.) It's very scary when you have NO money. Even scarier when you have NO job. But, take it from someone who knows, you CAN do it. You just have to be willing to put forth the effort and bust your hiney. Even if it means working two or three part time jobs because that's all you can find. You will find out that when put to the test, ANYONE can take care of themselves when they have to. The thing is, you feel STUCK, scared to move because you know it's almost impossible. Well, it's NOT impossible. It's just hard. One day, you'll wake up and realize, that sink or swim, to get rid of that awful feeling in your gut, you just have to take a leap of faith. And if you have a "higher power" that you believe in, trust me, your higher power will carry you through and do for you what you cannot do for yourself. Be brave, and get on with it. It's going to be a rocky road, but it's worth every bruise.

Answer 5

I would first like to say that I'm proud of you for realizing the situation your in and having enough sense to get out of it. I am not going to pretend like it is going to be easy, because it's not. However, you seem like your strong enough to do it.

With that being said you have already made the first step in the right direction by trying to figure out a way out. I would start by checking with the local churches in your area. Let me tell ya, people a lot of the time will make snid comments about churches and church people, but the majority are very loving. You would be surprised by how much guidence you can get. They have many resources. God being the first and foremost, but they have other connections as well. They could get you in contact with facialities that could help you with every problem you have. If for some reason, the first church you seek out can't or doesn't want to help you please.....don't stop there. Try another. Sometimes churches can be skeptical because people do come to them looking for a hand out. However, once they see you are serious about what you want I'm sure they will be more than willing to help. Whatever you do...don't let man come between you and God. Always keep him #1 in your life and his guidence is the key to your new life.

Please feel free to email me. If you would like to give me more detail maybe I can help you with your search. God bless you and take care.

Answer 6

The thing that most people don't realize is that a bad relationship will only get worse.You were way to young when you got with him so that is another bad part. There are some different things that you can do. You should seek help with the things that are going on with him, if there is abuse then you could get help from a shelter for women, you could check with a rehab center that could help you with the drug usage. you could get help from a local agency that will help you get out of there. see if you could get help with money from social services, there are councilors that can help you figure out what you need to do as far as things with yourself, if worse comes then you could always go to a homeless shelter. There should be some kind of programs in your area that can help you out!
I wish you the best of luck Girl and get the hell out of there!

Answer 7

The YMCA sometimes will help someone like you.
There are relief programs you can find in the phone-book.
And what I would suggest if you are afraid to leave him because of violence...get a bus ticket far away from where you live and just go to the nearest YWCA. they should help you. Make some calls ahead of time.
If you are going to start all over again what's the difference where you start. GOOD LUCK! I feel for you.

Answer 8

I don't know where you live, but you obviously have resources to a computer at least. Most communities have halfway houses that at least get you out of constant problem and into a healthier environment. The most of the rest will be up to you. Look up rescue missions in your area. Just a hint - even if you aren't being phsyically abused - mental abuse is still abuse, they will take you on that alone. Good luck.

Answer 9

Find someone who will share expenses with you regards to rent and untilities. Make sure its a friend whom you can cohabitate with though.
Get 2 jobs if you have to for awhile. Keep looking to increase your income or take some classes to allow you to land a better paying job.
If you are still battling drugs, be sure to get into some sort of rehab program. They will help you as well to get on your feet.
Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Look in the newspaper. Find someone with a room to rent or someone looking for a roommate. Go there. Start your life one step at a time.