What can I do about my hubby?

Question

I am sick of this ...He comes home from his job... He is a trainer so no construction here. Eats and falls asleep on the couch. Everything else besides the laundry is MY RESPONSIBILITY. I have asked him to help me de clutter but there is always an excuse. Then he only does what he wants. I have asked time and time again to work on things that are a REAL issue...but he wants to start on the things that he knows...like sorting computer equipment. Never mind that our kids room is overrun with toys and so is the basement and we have no room in those areas to put things away. SO it just sits...then he decides that he is going to help and he is doing it HIS way...which means he is going to clean out the room that is going to be our youngests room...PROBLEM IS that there is no set date for completion....So he is taking his time and everything else is me...he says dont give anything away till I can see it so we can ebay it....well problem there is he is not doing that either. He never goes out

He never goes out anywhere so he is not cheating. He said that he would help and this is just not acceptable. I caught him spending money that he said we didn't have and since then he was supposed to be helping more because he said he was being selfish...LASTED A WEEK....

He never checks anything by himself. I was suprised that he changed my 2 yr old diaper last night without prompting.

The hallway in out house was peed on by all our animals so we removed the carpet and the pad... that was 5 months ago. HE said that the remover for the glue was too much...it was 12.00... he still has not removed the glue....I got it 2 weeks ago NOTHING...He has a honey do list from DECEMBER...small things glue scissors, fix child robot etc....NOTHING ON THERE HAS BEEN DONE EITHER.

HELP WITH THE KIDS IS NOT THERE>>> HE never even plays with them

Answer 1

My husband used to do the same thing. All though not as severe, it was frustrating. I started cleaning while he was home and would ask him to help me. I would do the noisier things, it makes it more difficult to sleep. I would ask him nicely and say that I would like to spend some time with him. Make sure you are calm about it or he will retaliate and do the opposite. Try to do some of the chores with him, including the work on the house. Make sure that you thank him for doing the work. After awhile it doesn't seem like such a chore and he will be more likely to do things without your suggestion. Try to make a schedule out of it. After awhile it also becomes a habit. It helped me. Give it a shot!! Good luck!! :)

Answer 2

Sorry, to hear your having (all this fun)?? Seriously, (sure you have) but sit him down and tell him all your asking for is a little respect and a little help. As far as the ebay thing goes, use the rule of thumb, if he say's that fine, put a time table on it and if he does nothing and it's not going to be used or hasn't dump it, give it away, donate etc.. probably won't even know it's missing-if there is that much. Has to be done and the work just piles. Part of being married, takes two to make the mess (not counting the kids) and two to clean it. It would help and go alot faster with help. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Sounds exactly like my ex. We've been divorced 17 years and his house is still a wreck. I'm not advocating divorce, just pointing out he's probably not gonna change.
Toward the end of that marriage I began to hire people to do things around the house. He was so tight with money that it motivated him.
As far as the kids toys go, why don't you pack some away for a rainy day, or give some to a charitable organization. Most children have so many toys they don't play with over half of them. Toys cause a lot of clutter and take up a lot of room.
Your husband is always going to find something better to do with his time. Keeping the house clutter-free is not a priority to him. Good luck, and hire someone to help out. If it hits him in the wallet, he may respond!

Answer 4

CAREFUL!!!!!!

You have problems - OK. But you are sounding very negative and that can only get worse and lead in one direction only - confrontation.

The only way to overcome such problems as you describe is together and with a positive attitude. Over the years couples slip into bad habits, let things slide and the relationship weaken.

Firstly remember why you got together, got married and all the good times. Then try and get back to some of those things - together.

Therefore it is no good saying he has to do anything. The only solution is to try and find ways where you are both involved and it is a 'we' solution.

Answer 5

Sounds like you each need a healthy dose of compassion and understanding. The lock and the key do nothing on their own...it takes both to make it work.

For you: you said "he comes home from his job"...Do you understand that after a day of work, he's thinking that all he wants to do is come home and relax? In his mind, he's depending on you to take care of everything. If you nag him as soon as he comes through the door, he shuts down.

For him: He needs to understand that you're full-time at 'everything else' and need some help and some love when he comes home. You need a break sometimes too.

For both of you: I'd recommend getting away for the weekend, just the two of you and work out some of this without any distractons and without any blame assigning or hurt feelings. Make your decisions logical and loving.

Answer 6

Quit complaining and set a few goals for yourself and clean out one room at a time The man is probably tired at the end of the day.. give him a break There are bigger problem in the world then your clutter house. Have some compassion and love for your husband. My husband does the same thing after working 12 hour day and I'm grateful that we have a cluttered house and don't live in the streets

Answer 7

One has to ask,

Is he bring home a paycheck?
Are you both working?
Can you keep your house under control?

I was a single parent and my house and kids were squared away without any-ones help. Plus I worked and went to college. If I was a stay at home parent I'd be embarrassed to complain that the person bringing home the check was NOT doing their share my goal would be to show I had my house and kids in order.

It's one thing to ask for help once in awhile and expect it but it's anouther thing when you can't take care of your share of the responsibilities and nag a person from the moment they walk in the door.

Your priorites seem out of wack.

Answer 8

He is very selfish. For now on do only the things that benifit you and your children. Fix your dinner, clean your messes and the kids. When he complains tell him you don't have time to do it all and since he can't help he is the one you have cut from your daily routines so you can get something done. Stick to it until he pitches in and is really of some help.

Answer 9

What about creating a buffer zone so as to pile all the clutter just around him? For instance, announcing that from now own room X is going to be daddy's (or hubby's) cloister so that you actually confine him to that corner till he gets the message and start mending his ways. Does he loves the couch and the clutter? Well, let him have it all just for him!

Answer 10

Sounds to me like your husband loves himself above all others.
When you say he is a trainer I assume he weight trains. Gym first family last. Sounds controlling too. Speak up tell him you are not happy. Marriage works together it is not one sided.
If talking doesn't help start doing to him what he does to you.
As far as the kids are concerned clean up their space for them set as good example. Do it for yourself don't let him defeat you he is a self centered jerk.