My fiance and I are having some major issues?

Question

we have been fighting for the past month pretty hard..not about anything certain but about his temper and the way he treats me. Last night I tried to sit by him and he told me "sit over there I need space" so I said " I dont know how much longer I can take your rejection" we went on fighting and I said that I should just move out. He told me not to talk to him for the rest of the night...I went in the bedroom, took a bottle of wine and had my own little party in the bedroom and watched AI :) We didnt see eachother or talk the rest of the night. He came in around midnight for bed (i was already sleeping) and he was snuggeling and holding me really tight like nothing was wrong. I was tired and did not hold him back and was trying to get my space but now today he acts like nothing is wrong. Do you think his holding me is his way of saying sorry? For the life of me I CAN NOT figure out men and what they mean. Can someone tell me what you think and how to handle a man like this? Thank you

Answer 1

Men have a hard time saying they are sorry. Also some people, regardless of sex, do need their space once in awhile.

He certainly went about it the wrong way but you shouldnt feel rejected. I think that you both may have things to deal with but honestly few people here will say they've been in a relationship where they didnt have a few bumps to deal with.

The best thing is to talk through these problems. If he says it again, ask him if everything is ok and see if he might open up. Alot of times people will lash out and say stuff for the reaction dont give the response they are looking for (negative) instead give a positive one by doing what they ask and then asking if everything is alright.

His snuggling up with you is a form of apology for certain. It is reciprocating what you wanted in the first place. Men dont say they are sorry very well, apologies are a sign of weakness to most, so they do it in other ways. He obviously felt a little bad about what he did and was trying to smooth things over.

If you feel your problems are serious I would suggest talking with someone, maybe your priest/minister, if you have one, or a relationship/marriage counselor.

Answer 2

I think that he's undecided about committing to marrying you. A month of fighting, withdrawing, then hugging you tight. If he's undecided when you're living together as fiances, don't get married. I went that route, and was divorced 8 years later. We both loved each other, but we couldn't live with each other. The judge was pretty disgusted. It broke my heart, and he went through hell, too. Better discuss this in separate counseling sessions and (will insurance pay for it? church?) and a couples session. If you have to try so hard to make it work before it's even begun, it's not going to work when the paper's signed.

You don't "handle" a man unless you've got years invested and kids and then you get counseling or you get out. You aren't in this tangle. You may love him, but your life still holds MANY options that do not include being puzzled like this.

Stick your head outside your nest, take a look at the finances, see how you two can handle it if you split - just as insurance.

Answer 3

I felt the exact same way a couple months ago with my guy. He was being a jerk and would be mean to me, then when I would call him on it, he would say I was being sensitive. Then he would do the same thing with me at night, hold me tight and forget what happened the next morning. Finally when I had enough I had a LONG TALK with him. I told him that I just couldn't take it anymore and that I felt like maybe it was time for us to move on, because I couldn't be with someone who didn't love me. He said I was just being sensitive and started going into the same fight we have always been in. Finally I took off the ring he gave me and said, I would give you these rings back for just one moment of peace with you. ONE MOMENT! I don't know what happened but I guess it hit. He broke down and told me he did loved me and that he was going to get better, but that I had to give him some time. Which I have, and things have gotten alot better. Not perfect, but better. So maybe its time for you to lay your cards on the table and see what happeneds. Either way the misery will end. Maybe not now but eventually.

Good luck, sweetie and take care.

Answer 4

Perhaps he has his own way of dealing with fights. Perhaps that's what it takes for him to resolve his emotions internally.

By leaving him alone, he was able to overcome his own feelings, or resolve them in whatever way he knows how.

Being that you say you two are fighting, he could be depressed about something. Instead of throwing him to the curb, if you truly love him, you will try to help him out of his slump and be the guy you fell in love with.

Sometimes it is hard to see different viewpoints when you are in the middle of it.

The problem today is people are just so quick to split up, its no wonder divorce is at such a high rate.

Answer 5

The obvious answer is to leave. If things are bad now, just imagine what they will be like in a year, 5 years, 10 years, etc... If you are fighting all the time, then just saying sorry or being affectionate once in a while does not compensate for it. And it will only get worse over time, and more complicated as far as leaving.
There is no easy way, and I realize how hard it will be to leave. But it sounds like it is in both of your best interests.
If you do not want to leave, I strongly suggest seeing a counselor and talking about both of your issues before you get married.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

If he is acting fine, and the fight was not about anything life threatening or extremely important, I would let it go at that. There is no reason to fight over stupid things. If the fight is about his temper and the way he acts when his temper is flaring, just remember not to make the conversations completely about HIS temper and the way HE is acting. Say something like " We need to talk about the way things are going. What can we do to keep the peace and keep eachother from getting hot-headed?" If everything is about HIM and its his fault etc. he is going to take offense to it like you are nagging. Communication is #1 in a relationship. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

You are analyzing this way too much. Your problem is you think guys are complicated..we're not. We are very simple creatures with very simple wants and needs. As soon as you realize that, you will be much better off. Here some things you can do to make your life easier. 1. Don't try to change your man, what you have when you met him, is what you will have 20 years from now. It doesn't matter what you do, we will always be the same deep down and we will only grow to resent you more and more the more you try to mess with our deep seeded need to play with out Transformer collection on the living room floor when company comes over. 2. Do not ask us these questions "Does this make me look fat?" "What are you thinking about?" "If I died would you find someone else?" "Why are you so insensitive?"..don't ask us those questions because we don't like answering garbage like that..to help you out though..the answers to those questions are always the same.. 1. Yes, 2. Porn, 3. Absolutely, 4. Because I'm a MAN....3. NEVER talk to us during a football game..especially the Super Bowl!! 4. If we fart or burp really loud..give us a high five!! 5. NEVER leave the door to the bathroom open when you are in their...we DO NOT want to know what you are doing in their..so CLOSE the door!! Thaose five things are a start..practice those and you will find yourself on the road to success to dealing with us of the male gender!!

Answer 8

Its a myth that men aren't as complicated as women. However, they can be understood by women, cos we're smarter than them ;-)

When women feel upset, or down, or angry, we talk. We could talk the hind leg off a donkey. Men, however, are completely opposite. If something is bothering them, they need to run it htrough in their mind. Every time you talk to him/bother him, it's interrupting his thought process. A bit like if we wanted to chat and our friend started watching tv and ignoring us. And that's how many arguments start. The woman sees that her man is bothered by something and tries to get him to talk about it, cos that's how she deals with her problems. Obviously, that's not what the man wants, so he'll get angry i.e. tell you to go sit somewhere else. The best thing is to leave them alone. Once you did this, and went up to your room, he had peace to go through what is bothering him in his head. He didn't see what you did as giving him the silent treatment, cos he WANTED to be alone. So he thinks you respected his wish to be alone, and you think you were punishing him. No wonder he thinks everything is hunkeydory today :-)

I have no idea how long this has been going on or what his problem is that he needs time over, but saying, do you want me to leave you alone for an hour or so? will certainly divert an argument.

Similarly though, he needs to understand that women need to talk about their problems. Next time you feel out of sorts and need to talk, tell him that women cope with stress differently and say, would you mind talking to me for 15 minutes (yes men need a time limit!)

Hope things get better between you two.

Answer 9

You may not understand this - he was going through something at work - a lot on his mind. You happen to be the easy target to take it out on. Just that he wanted some space. What's wrong with that?

Dont take it to heart. You both love each other but times like these do happen. Yes, he does love you. It is not that hard to figure out.

Answer 10

This is your fiance. I've seen relationships where both sides don't take the concern of the others seriously. This sounds like a serious issue. Say to him, "maybe we should postpone the wedding until we work things out."

That way you are not suggesting anything major like breaking up or not getting married at all, you're just driving home the point that you are very serious and this is something that needs to be worked out BEFORE you get married.