She isn't actually even my mother in law(yet anyways). My bf and I are in a serious relationship and I am already having trouble with his mother. She is always telling me that I need to wear more make up or do this or do that, which tends to offend me. She also has talked crap about my family which really offends me. I really want to get along with her because she is my partners mother and I know that they are close, but I am going out of my mind with the stuff she says to me and about me. What should I do to come to a peace with her?
2007-02-01 03:09:22 · 12 answers · asked by hc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am fortunate to have in-laws that love me and care for me as one of their own. It is not an uncommon thing for potential in-laws to be that way. This is because they are very close. It's psychological crap I won't go into, but basically, they don't think anyone is good enough for their little boy and nit pick at every little thing. I actually had an exboyfriend's mom that was the same way. Thank goodness we broke up. Talk with your boyfriend about it and see what he has to say about it. If he defends her, then it doesn't sound like it will be completely fixed. Just be yourself. You don't have to please them. Besides they aren't the ones holding you at night or sleeping with you either. They will either accept you or they won't. You can't make them change their minds when it comes down to it.
You need to decide if your love with your guy can overcome this. It's a tough situation. Good luck to you.
2007-02-01 03:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by zumi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years and I just barely started getting along great with my mother in law. For years I just had to tolerate her and talk crap to my friends about her. I tried to stay away from talking it to my husband. This woman has done everything from accusing me of cheating on my husband and saying our daughter, who is 6, is not his. This went on for about the first 3 years of her life. She has called me & my family white trash and trust me, we are very far from it. When she would be coming to visit before she'd even get here she'd say oh good I can clean the house for you, which made me think she thought I wasn't doing a good job. I have now come to realize she just wants to give me a break from the housework & kids. Finally when my husband deployed I went to live closer to our families. My kids & I started spending a lot of time at her house. I would sit their & talk with her for hours and you know what we have become so close, I call her just to say hi. It is sometimes hard for a mother to accept the woman in "their" baby's life. I say just be yourself and shrug it off when she says things that offend you, it's hard but you can do it. Let her get to know you, eventually she will come to see you are not horrible like she thinks you are.
2007-02-01 11:19:32 · answer #2 · answered by Happy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is not your boyfriend's mother, it's your boyfriend. He allows his mother to treat you badly. If he is not willing or able to stand up to his mother, you will be in for a lifetime of abuse from her, and no support from him. Try to imagine five or ten years down the road, when you have children and the MIL is undermining your authority with them. This is a serious discussion you need to have with your boyfriend, before you go any further. If, after you discuss this with him, you don't see any change in his behavior, where his mother is concerned, you need to think long and hard if this is a road you want to travel. Good luck!
2007-02-01 12:33:29 · answer #3 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rarely do mother in law's that cause problems early on ever change. Lucky for you that you are learning early before you marry.
Talk with your partner about it, maybe he can influence his mother to keep her negative opinions to herself.
Finally after very very many years, my Mother-In_law passed away night before last and we bury the old hag on Saturday at 2pm. Now maybe i can find some peace
2007-02-01 11:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly you may never... after 6 years of marriage and 12 years total together, my MIL still annoys the crap out of me. But while I'm around her I grin and bear it for the sake of my wife.
2007-02-01 11:13:52 · answer #5 · answered by Lost in Merryland 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will not happen. Been there, done that. She will not change and it will only get worse. If you love him ..... really love him... go for it but, you will probably do like I have. I wouldn't visit her. My wife went to visit without me. Life is too short to put up with that kind of abuse. Stand by your guns. Otherwise look for someone new.
2007-02-01 11:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by Texas Mike 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your boyfriend to speak with his Mother about your concerns in a very kind but firm manner. You do not want to rock the boat or have her rocking it either.~Smooth sailing
2007-02-01 11:51:41 · answer #7 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be as kind to her as you can be and try to ignore all of her comments. As the old saying goes "kill her with kindness". It is hard to listen to all negative comments.
But try to give her positive comments and maybe she will try to be positive too. Been married 26 years and it seems to help. If you pray that is always my first option.
Good Luck!!!
2007-02-01 11:20:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have a talk with her but she's not likely to change. Hopefully she will at least listen and take into consideration the fact that her son loves you.
2007-02-01 11:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by OOO! I know! I know! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
monster in laws will be monster in laws just do not talk to her step foot in her house and if she talks to u that way in your house u can blow and tell her to get out now if your man gets mad at u leave him cuz he not grown up to know he has to put his mom in check and its time for he to leave the cukkos nest and know that if he love u she should respect u.
2007-02-01 11:14:36 · answer #10 · answered by paul lee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋