A woman that hasn't been in a relationship since she discovered her ex fiance' to be gay, tells her new boyfriend at the first hint of him bringing up marriage to her, " Don't tell me you love me and want to marry me if you don't. I can't stand to be hurt like that again." And she also warns him that she will ruin the next man that KNOWINGLY manipulates her for his own sexual GAIN and breaks her heart. He swears he would never betray her and can't believe anyone could do that to another. She falls in love again, finally feeling the magic that was once ripped from her and that she feared for so many years she would never feel again.
2 yrs later, she finds out her new boyfriend is married , has a child and is living a double life! All the while, knowing what her biggest fear was- another jerk that does and says anything because she just so happens to be gorgeous and he wants only one thing.
She kept her promise and called his wife. He is now divorced. Was she wrong to follow through?
2007-02-01 02:27:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Right/wrong? The whole scenario is messed up.
She promised to do this, and she followed through, and the man has now learned there are consequences, and the wife had the right to know all of this and make her own decission, and by calling the wife she enabled the wife to make that choice.
I am a firm believer that people should not act in a manner that they wouldn't want to see on the front page of "USA Today" and "The New York Times", and considering things in that light, how does everybody look:
1. The man: a scoundrel with no integrity whatsoever.
2. The wife: from what we know, a victim
3. The other woman: interloper who doesn't look very deeply or get to know potential mates before jumping into bed with them, and she's vindictive. What a catch she is--OK, so she's cute, but she's irrresponsible and lacks common sense--she's got her own problems.
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In sum, she shouldn't have been in this situation. And I am not trying to blame the victim here. We've all had married (cheaters) try to draw us into their webs, and some of have failed to see the red flags, and others have jumped on in willingly anyway, and... the best among us were smart enough to walk away because we weren't so desperately needy to have our egos stroked that we bought into what was being sold without a little healthy skepticism.
In short, I think she should have followed through, but it doesn't make her look good (because she isn't the real victim here, the wife is), and she isn't blameless.
2007-02-01 02:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I believe these to be two separate issues, I do not believe she was wrong in calling the wife. If he allowed himself to be with another woman outside of his marriage, she actually did the wife a favor.
She should see someone about issues with her first husband. It is very possible that he did in fact love her, care for her and want the best for her, and it would certainly not be a relationship in which he had a sexual advantage . Finding out your husband is gay, is different than a married man who probably was only looking for the sexual advantage.
2007-02-01 03:39:03 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not fault her one bit for calling his current wife and giving her all she wanted to know about how he was cheating on her, but always using caution to keep the wife's feelings and child's feelings in mind. The wife did not cause any of the problem and should not be treated badly for the lying and cheating of the boyfriend.
She does seem to have a problem of not getting to know her "men" very well prior to getting very serious with them. If someone (man or woman) will not introduce you to mom, dad, brothers and sisters as well as close friends that they have known for years and years, they are keeping you at a distance because they have something to hide. I do not know how she could date this guy for two years and not know where he lives, his family and such, but as you said, it was hypothetical.
Sounds like he got what he deserved and I do not think she is or was wrong. He knew going in that if he played with her emotions, she was going to strike and strike as hard as she could, so he took all the risk.
2007-02-01 02:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one likes to be deceived.
I would have called the spouse too. It wouldn't be to get back at him, but just to let her know that he was playing both of us.
I actually do know of a relationship like this: This man, "Luis," was married to a woman for over 35 years. He lived in the states and she lived in Puerto Rico. For 12 years, Luis had been living with another woman. Both women knew of each other and were jealous of the other. What I couldn't understand was why these women were willing to let this man use them?
2007-02-01 02:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. His wife deserved to know the truth and he was a Jerk to do what he did. At some time in our lives, we have to accept responsibility for our actions. Most of us tend to move forward with our heart, when our head is telling us a totally different story. One can never be too cautious, but at the same time, one bad apple does not spoil the whold bunch!!
2007-02-01 02:36:06 · answer #5 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly not. She warned him from the beginning, and he was a jerk who hurt her after knowing all the had been through. He deserves what he gets. How could someone expect a person who has been "screwed" so much emotionally to just roll over?
2007-02-01 02:48:42 · answer #6 · answered by Azalea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, I would have done the same thing. More so, out of respect for women in general. If a mistress had the guts to call me because my husband played her too, I would thank her.
Besides, sometimes karma needs a little help.
2007-02-01 02:36:01 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Baby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough senario.....if it were me, I probably would have called the wife too, not for retaliation, but rather to stop the behavior of the man ruining this woman's life any further, and to find closure for myself.
2007-02-01 02:35:34 · answer #8 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have done the same thing. I would have also ask his (now) ex wife if she wanted to go in half to rent one of those big billboards to put his sorry picture on it to warn all of the others women around.
2007-02-01 02:57:50 · answer #9 · answered by jeter2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My cousin's fortunate through fact she moved to u.s. from Britain and celebrates 2 mothers days, and he or she says it incredibly is to make the youngsters undergo in strategies British way of existence yet she continually has a stupid grin on her face while she says it so i be conscious of she's mendacity and merely needs 2 days celebrating her.
2016-10-16 10:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by ishman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋