My wife used to be very committed to me. She used to make me #1. We had some problems early in our marriage and she started confiding in her friends and family. Ever since, I feel like I’m on the back burner and I don’t know how to get her to understand that she’s treating me like a second class citizen. I thought by putting her #1 and showing her that would be good enough. Not so. I still feel like she runs to her mother and friends instead of putting me #1. I feel like putting everyone else before her to teach her a lesson or at least to get through to her. Every time I do that though she says see you don’t put me as #1 when I’m trying to get her to see she’s not being very faithful to me. I feel like telling her if she wants to be committed to everyone else besides me then go do it. It feels awful. What can I do to show her she’s not putting us #1? Seems like she doesn’t have both feet in the marriage and I want to tell her either put both feet in or get out.
2007-02-01 02:27:23 · 12 answers · asked by survivor 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
seek a marriage counselor, sounds like you guys are headed down separate roads and need to get it back together, it is likely she doesn't see it and just expects that you will be there. Marriage is work and its not easy.
Good Luck
2007-02-01 02:34:03 · answer #1 · answered by sharing 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on what exactly "some problems" were and how long it's been since those problems. If you did something that broke the trust between you, you have to give that trust time to be built again. So without knowing what it was and how long it's been I can't say.
If it was something like an affair, and it's only been a year or so, I'd say hang in there a little longer. If it wasn't as bad as that and it's been longer, you should sit her down and talk to her and ask her if she'll EVER be able to trust in you again, or if you're just spinning your wheels. See if she'll see a counselor with you.
I hope you can work it out. I know from experience that if you can work it out, your marriage can become even stronger than it was originally.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-01 02:43:44 · answer #2 · answered by Ya Ya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must of really hurt her for her to make such a change. Marriage is hard work and I sespect when you made her #1 it was for a day or two. Try making her #1 for a year NO MATTER WHAT and that will show her you are serious. Men always want the easy fix but when you hurt us you have to make twice the effort to show us YOU have both feet in the marriage. Didn't know how good you had it until you lost it huh?????
2007-02-01 02:41:17 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got been married 10 years and that is no one's place to maintain it cool! If he's performing like a newborn, that is not my accountability to wipe his a** and coddle him! If he could choose for to explode over something, this is wonderful.....he's the only that is headed in the direction of the midsection attack, no longer me! i'm a very autonomous lady, I make my own money and there is not any way i could "bypass submissive" just to maintain the peace.
2016-12-16 18:36:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take this the wrong way but Poor Baby. This happens in all relationships. You fall in love and when everything is going good you start to get back to your family and personal interests. Heck, I'm 5th on my hubby's list. We live a very normal life. You can't be first forever in any relationship. You two would start to hate eachother.
2007-02-01 02:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I agree with Mrs.M, you have got to sit down & really talk about these issues.
Be honest & tell her what your feeling & what your thoughts on it are.
Keep the communication lines open.
Best of luck.
2007-02-01 02:49:33 · answer #6 · answered by earthangel_candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are on the back burner.
Welcome to marriage in the 21st century. Women need their husband to help them start their life financially and raise the kids. But then they decide they can be independant and who needs that guy anyways?
I asked my wife about this and she said, AND I QUOTE:
"The kids are not number one. Yes, I dedicate all my time, attention and energy to them, but they are not number one".
Apparently we are supposed to sit on auto-pilot for eons until they decide we are important again.
btw I bought proper care and feeding of marriage. She won't read it. Doesn't have time. Only has time to read romance novels.
2007-02-01 02:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are whining like a little baby. She should give you a pacifier and then maybe you'll quit crying like a spoiled brat.
2007-02-01 03:24:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and tell her how you feel........Maybe she doesn't realize how much she runs to her mother and freinds and let her know that it hurts !!!!
2007-02-01 02:38:10 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Laura's "proper care and feeding of a husband"
2007-02-01 02:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋