I just asked if no intimacy in a marriage was healthy or not and the reason I asked was because in the past year or so my husband, who is only 29, has had major problems functioning during sex. He gets very upset and embarassed about it and I have pretended that it's no big deal to me, but of course it is. Just recently I have totally avoided being intimate because he refuses to get help about his problem and I think it's just a waste of time trying. Is that wrong of me? I just can't understand why he wouldn't want to find out what the problem is. I don't think he is satisfied without being intimate.
2007-02-01 02:06:39 · 13 answers · asked by LuLu 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He hasn't come to terms with his problem. It may very well be "fixable" but I suspect the emotional aspect of his inability to perform is the biggest problem for him right now. His masculinity is threatened and he doesn't want to admit any weakness. He needs to see a urologist asap. There could be an underlying health problem that is the issue. If he had a treatable health condition that didn't involve his penis, wouldn't he go to the doctor to get it treated? Why, then, would he refuse to get treatment just because it's a sex organ? Is he afraid of pain, embarrassment or the treatment? If he only knew how many hundreds of thousands of men suffer from some sort of physical sexual dysfunction. You need a straightforward conversation with him to get him into a qualified physician who can rule out a physical problem and then help him address how to deal with it. His failure to take proactive measures to treat the condition can only exacerbate the situation and make it--and your marrital relations--worse.
2007-02-01 02:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three reasons that I can think of that he would want to avoid seeking help.
One, he knows the only time he has a problem performing is with you and he does not want you to know that because he is afraid it will hurt you and cause other problems.
Two, it is the male pride getting in the way. By seeking any kind of help, he has to admit there is something wrong with his unit and for many guys that is a huge deal. Makes the feel less like a man if they admit something like that.
Last, he may not be able to function because he is getting it some place else and if the doc gives him a clean bill of health, then it may cause you to question other things.
Try this, just constantly be dressed hot, seductive, naughty or what ever you know has turned him on in the past, but don't act like you are going to give him any. As much as I hate this, tease him with how you are dressing, moving and looking at him. Make him hungry for you, but don't be an easy target. After a couple of days, try and see if he can perform. Maybe it is just the interest is not being stirred. If that does not help, he needs to seek assistance or you need to see if perhaps some thing or some one else is sucking his life juice out of him.
2007-02-01 03:11:11 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Intimacy is a very integral part of a marriage, and it seems like he may have mental issues. Not a bad thing...IF, you get help.
There may be something in his past, there maybe something medical, or he just plain doesn't know how, but you as his wife, need to help him figure out what it is.
You will start resenting the fact that you are avoiding being intimate and it will ruin the marriage.
Talk to him about not only his feelings, but yours also. And go get help together. If you learn of the problem with each other, you'll be better off to work through it together.
2007-02-01 02:21:40 · answer #3 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, you answered your own question.... it is embarassing for him. The embarassment causes anger and quilt. I dont think you avoid contact is really wrong, but it may appear to him that you give up. Not saying he hasnt done the same. But maybe it'll help him see that it is fustruating to you as well as it is to him. women get "blue balls" too. Sorry for the terminalogy, I dont know the medical term but if we are engaged with sexual contact without receiving ours we get pressure "down there" as well as other symptoms, just as men do. Encourage him to seek help, dont put him down or make him feel bad, understand him and stand by him. Help him to help eachother... take a stand for the two of you and tell him you are not going to let this overcome your love for one another. Be meek yet strong. (so hard being a woman, lol :-) ) Good Luck!
2007-02-01 02:16:32 · answer #4 · answered by chaa107 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably won't go for help because it is embarrassing to him. Most men are that way. It could very possibly be a medical issue that needs to be dealt with not only for his health's sake, but for your marriage's sake. You two have your whole life in front of you & something of this nature/magnitude needs to be corrected now. I would not refuse intimacy with him as it will only lead to further erosion of his self-image. You are rejecting him out of disappointment that he won't DO something, but he will take it as a sign that you don't love him. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open. It is critical that you two can talk about this.
2007-02-01 02:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by Justified 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On your part, avoiding intimacy and thinking trying is a waste of time will only result in a disaster. I can't speculate on the other side but this is definatly the wrong way to approch from your side.
Good Luck
2007-02-01 02:15:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I don't blame you at all. It must be an exercise in frustration to try again and again just to have nothing happen. Your husband may have a physical problem, he needs to see a doctor. If he won't then I wouldn't want to try to be intimate with him either. Try to talk him into seeing a doctor again. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-01 02:26:32 · answer #7 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ensure him it is not something to be embarrased about. Going to a physician would be a good things. It make be the result of another problem within his body and it is affecting his intimacy. A malfuctioning thyroid or low testerone etc can result in many different things
2007-02-01 02:25:25 · answer #8 · answered by Confussedhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something so intimate with him that he feels he can't trust you for some reason. He does need to talk to someone other than yourself. Or maybe he needs confidence, but something happened when he was younger that he can't tell you. You have to be supportive and help him get the help he needs.
2007-02-01 02:27:19 · answer #9 · answered by bluemist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is in denial about his sexual problem. All you can do is encourage him to go to the doctor to find out what's wrong. If he still refuses, maybe something else is going on. Could he be involved with someone else? Sorry, but something just doesn't sound right here. Good luck!
2007-02-01 02:24:57 · answer #10 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋