My significant other has been going through menopause. I'm trying to understand and be patient because I love this gal with all my heart, but I am running out of patience and feel guilty about it.
We were extremely physical for a long time when we first began our relationship. I've never experienced anything like it and am reluctant to let that part of our relationship go away. But it's not my choice. She doesn't seem to miss the intimacy. We've been active on rare occasions, but nothing like it was before, and I think when we are physical, she's doing it just for me. I don't want "mercy sex"...I want my lover back, or at least some of the passion we had.
I've tried to talk to her about it, but she gets offended and says I need a younger woman. I don't want anyone else but her...nothing else would compare. Sometimes I wish we wouldn't have met because you don't miss what you never had.
Help me please...I don't want to loose her, but I'm not dead yet.
2007-02-01 02:04:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Women's Health
Sparky- I had to check to see if you were my husband writing this! He could have written your exact words. And I feel horrible about it- but I know how your wife feels too. Inside, she feels guilty, but the truth is that she has lost the hormones that made her want to have sex. And, now, it's not even that safe for women to choose hormone replacement because it could, basically, cause death. So- that leaves us with basically two choices: death or sexual desire. And it sucks. I feel that what's happened is that, thousands of years ago, evolutionary-speaking, we wanted sex to procreate. And then, we would die soon after. Now, we (women) live so long after our sexual desire fades. Mens desire continues because it did back then, since so many women died in childbirth. But what can we do? I would try just telling your wife that you love her so much anyway, and take it when you can get it... Also, you might try developing new hobbies together- like traveling, that you could re-inspire your emotional love. I wouldn't recommend counseling- we tried it and it's no replacement for hormonal loss. Also, you should know, no matter what your friends might SAY, chances are they are having the same issues with their post-menopausal wives. Best of luck!
2007-02-01 02:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by Not so looney afterall 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I will be showing this question to my significant other so he will see he is not the only one going through this. Aging sucks and it plays terrible tricks on our bodies and hormones. I am finished with menopause and it definitely effects your sex life. We don't make love as much as before menopause and it has nothing at all to do with how I feel about him. The desire just isn't there any longer. I have heard about drugs you can take, like a female Viagra, but I haven't really checked it out. And you know what? If she's having sex even "mercy sex" as you call it be happy. She's doing it because she loves you.
2007-02-01 02:16:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sherry K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It affects every woman differently. The decrease in her hormones shouldn't affect her too much, though, because testosterone is most important to a woman's sex drive. It's not easy, but some work through it.
More than anything, try making her still feel as though you care about her and find her beautiful. Most women find that more important than sexual attraction. My mom said that was what helped her most after menopause, and her sex life with my dad is now "better than it's ever been". I'm just glad to know that when I'm older, I'll still have that to enjoy.
If that doesn't work, encourage, but don't push, her to see a doctor. Tell her that you want her to do it for herself, especially if she used to enjoy sex with you so much. Show her that her satisfaction is important, and she may just come around.
2007-02-01 02:33:57 · answer #3 · answered by mkbrocato 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-16 10:00:06 · answer #4 · answered by ishman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she should discuss this problem with her Dr. I've heard of women feeling like this but most are happy about it because they know they can't get pregnant and enjoy it more.
2007-02-01 02:11:22 · answer #5 · answered by luckylindy0 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she had her hormone level checked?I know that it does effect the sex drive.Can I tell you one more thing?As we get older we do slow down,in everything.Try movies,books, toys and a lot more patience......She loves you, so be there for her.KINK is everywhere it needs to be---RIGHT?
2007-02-01 02:38:58 · answer #6 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋