I'm working on a poem for my darling for Valentine's Day. It's practically finished and I would appreciate any feedback.
Darling,
I was going to make you a poem with lots of words that rhyme,
But I really don't have the time,
Sorry.
What do you think?!
2007-02-01 01:25:16 · 13 answers · asked by Buck Flair 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm going to assume you're male since you're writing poetry. Since you asked, I don't really like it. It doesn't scan well. What you have is not a poem, but a statement. It needs rhythm it you want to call it poetry.
Equally, I don't like the subject matter. Consider what you want her to get out of it and make sure that message is in there.
Read it carefully; the message is: "I was going to write you a poem, but I didn't bother." Think about how your partner is going to take that! Was she not important enough for you to make time?
If you fixed the rhythm and kept the rhyme you could call it a poem, but it would remain downright offensive, not cutesy as you might have intended!
I recommend finding a nice poem on the Internet and perform it for her instead. Writing poetry is hard. Find one you like and tell her you found a poem that expresses how you feel. Or better, get a flower and deliver your poem in person (after having practised it), and hand her the flower on the last line. Sweeter than "I didn't have time to write you anything." And don't let on that you wrote anything you didn't write.
Whatever you do, I hope she appreciates the trouble you went to! Best of luck.
2007-02-01 01:53:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm
If she thinks that this is lame
You have nobody but yourself to blame.
Tell her of tales that are true
To ensure that she knows she is the one for you.
Taking the time is best for love,
Seek answers from the sky above.
Tell her words that come from the heart.
She'll appreciate that more and never want to part.
Take the time to write and get off the phone.
Or else someday you'll be all alone.
I made this up in a few seconds. Surely you can top this in a few minutes. It's easy and she will appreciate it more.
'
2007-02-01 09:33:34 · answer #2 · answered by queenmaeve172000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Darling i was going to make a poem,
With lots of words that rhyme
But my Love im am sorry,
That i didn't have the time.
This sounds a little better
2007-02-01 09:34:09 · answer #3 · answered by steven m 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u make me laugh but will she take it with a sense of humour too ???
why dont u put some more words on it , even if its not a poem , like how u feel for her ?
2007-02-01 10:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by athina68 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just so stupid you really do think its a joke just get her flowers say words mean nothing, actions do lol
I know this dont sound to right either as Im single lol
2007-02-01 09:29:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you just use a search engine and find a love poem and say you wrote it, I doubt she will ever know the difference. Good luck
2007-02-01 09:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If she has a sense of humor, that's cool. If she is totally serous, I would leave the poem out.
2007-02-01 09:29:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just show her how you feel that'll mean more to her than a poem.
2007-02-01 09:32:21 · answer #8 · answered by Carole W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it man, girls like simple stuff like that. Even if she doesnt like it, make her thank you for wasting your time and creativity to try to make her happy.
After that tell her to give you a foot massage.
2007-02-01 09:34:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about
I was going to put something in this bag,
but I didn't, so what's the chances of a shag?
2007-02-01 09:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋