My boyfriend and I dated for 4 years in college, and we are about to graduate. He is going to get a 2 year master's and I will be going to medical school for 4 years. I wanted to get married in between these transition stages, AKA this fall-- but he has a bunch of guys that are getting men's housing together, kind of like a frat except not affiliated with anything. He thinks it would be fun and beneficial for him to live a year with these guys before getting married, and get closer to them and all...
I feel conflicted. Should I give him this year that he wants, and maybe more? Should I give him as long as he wants before getting married? Or do I have a say in when I want to get married? Please help.
2007-02-01 01:05:17 · 10 answers · asked by reba 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has a choice: marry you or "get closer" to some guys, and he'd rather be with the guys. Are you absolutely sure he's not bisexual? Because, it sounds like he wants some penis on the side. At the very least, he's clearly not too thrilled with the idea of getting married. Yes, give him the year . . . AND the rest of his life. You'll meet lots of serious men in medical school with whom you have a lot in common. It is time to re-open your options.
2007-02-01 01:17:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Never rush the marriage thing! You are making what you hope will be a lifelong commitment. Let him have his time with the guys. Even if you convinced him to skip it and get married right away, later on he might resent you rushing him the first time there's tension in your marriage. And, trust me, there will be!
I have been married for 28 years, and every marriage has times where you feel like chucking it! The difference that makes a marriage last is the commitment to ride through the tough times, and sometimes even take ALL the responsibility for saving a rocky one!
You have your whole life ahead of you. I'm assuming you two have already decided that you plan to marry. You can ask him, then, when HE thinks is a good time, let him know how you feel and work it out between you. Just don't insist on it being sooner than he is ready for.
2007-02-01 01:21:25 · answer #2 · answered by tiger 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i can see that ur guy is not into getting married yet ,but i can see u both love each other as u have been together for 4 years and in our today world is a lot of time,it is very important that u feel that he is desperate to marry u if that doesnt happen he will always blame u every time u face a problem that u were hurried .actually we ladies in your age want to settle down in this age but guys still want to hang with guys they want to be still guys and not a man or a daddy so what he says about a year or more is nothing about being fun and beneficial it is saying to u give me time i love u i dont want to lose u but i am not ready yet .my advice to u especially that i finished med school is that building ur future comes first ,talk to him say that u also have a long way same as he has and may be more but even thought u want to be legally with him and together in the right way if he says no then he is not ready and you are also very very very busy studying to be a doctor.
2007-02-01 01:30:25 · answer #3 · answered by imma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being realistic going to medical school is very tough. Compunding a marriage onto that is not a very wise choice. He wants to get his masters so he will be focusing on his education. If you want to be a Dr then you need to put that first. Marriage is a very time consuming and committed situation. I don't think with him wanting to hang out with the guys that he is quite ready yet. Take your time get your education.
2007-02-01 01:12:21 · answer #4 · answered by blueblossom33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marraiage is a serious thing, and shouldn't be taken lightly. The time you are in a realtionship doesn't mean u should get married. I was in a relationship for 7 years and thought we were going to get married. He just wasn't the marrying type. If its meant to be then you don't mind waiting. Sometimes going your seperate ways and living in seperate areas can help you decide if it meant to be.
2007-02-01 03:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by redsoxgal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Putting your career aside, it sounds like he's not ready to give up a somewhat single lifestyle (or not being married). You can't LET him, he has to make his own decisions, but if you're not happy about it, and I wouldn't be, tell him. And if you really want to get married, tell him that too.
Overall, you both have to want the same thing at the same time otherwise it won't work out.
2007-02-01 01:15:02 · answer #6 · answered by anarche_078 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a very serious committment and it should not be taken lightly if it is done at the right time for the right reasons it will ultimately last a lifetime.Don't rush into it.If your fiance want's to wait a year I think that is very reasonable.Good luck.
2007-02-01 01:13:10 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously HE isn't ready to get married yet. Yes you do have a saywhen YOU want to get married but you don't have a say when HE gets married.
2007-02-01 01:23:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're asking if you should 'give' him this time? He's already said what he wants to do. As overbearing and manipulative as you sound in this question, don't be surprised if he leaves you. You sound so generous/ giving/ selfless/ understanding. (rolling eyes)
2007-02-01 01:23:14 · answer #9 · answered by theangel1025 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him this time or he will hold it over you let him have some freedom then he will be all yours and you wont feel like you ever held him back
2007-02-01 01:22:03 · answer #10 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋