Do I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Question

A grew up in a household of shouting, screaming, fights, hair-pulling, and all other sorts of negative behaviors that added up to me living my life in a psychological torture hell hole. This went on for years and years all thanks to my father, and still goes on today, though I've come to resist the effects of his bad behaviors and find ways to minimize the damage. But as a result of my childhood, I often isolate myself from others emotionally and usually only find peace when I push away my emotions and get into a state of "numbness.

I find it extremely difficult to make eye contact, as just the thought of having to look in someone's eyes sparks a jab of fear that they might take it as a challenge and lash out at me. I often get the feeling that a normally calm person may suddenly do some abrupt, unexpected, violent action (like picking up something fragile and hurling it at the wall or slamming it down on the floor.) I'm always afraid that people will run out of patience and start screaming at me as a reaction. I have strong memories of when my father would run out of patience whenever I'm around someone who's trying to help me with a difficult task.

When I'm around my father, I find myself on edge, extremely irritable, and almost always in some sort of fight-or-flight mode. I have this feeling that I'm going to be abandoned by people, and as a result greatly fear abandonment. I am terrified of getting into arguements with people (those outside my family) because I can envision them reacting the way my father always reacted (rage.) It takes me a long time to trust others, and I am very shy. I just came out of a several year period where I was pretty much a recluse and ran from most social contact. I have learned to hide all my emotions, and showing emotions to others is often extremely difficult to me. It's only just recently, in the care of some of the members of my church, that I could actually cry in public in front of others and not feel panic or fear.

I recently had a flare-up when someone reacted very strongly to something I did. I began to shake and felt this deep sort of panic, fear, and self-loathing, and would have given anything to be able to scream, laugh, cry, anything to have gotten all the dark emotions out. But they were so intense that I went into a sort of shock and couldn't do anything to lull them until late that night when I re-examined the situation and realized that the person had acted out of fear (rather than rage) and that I needn't fear them like I fear my father. The flare-up was very hard on me, as it happened during a school day and crippled me in terms of being able to work. Luckily, my professors know me very well and the two I saw that day were understanding and helped me by letting me leave class early.

Answer 1

I have been formally diagnosed with p.t.s.d. and it is a really big catagory !It can go from mild isolation and shyness to psychotic flash backs of the abuse.You sound as if your home life was very abusive ! And you can't compare one person's pain to anyone else's. If you are noticing how your abuse is affecting your life maybe it's time to try to heal from it. The best way I've found to heal is to talk it over with a group of other survivors of abuse and in therapy with my therapist. That has really gone far to help me see that the abuse wasn't my fault and that I'm still a worthy person. Yahoo has a good support group for all types of abuse: [e-mail] .Good Luck !

Answer 2

Honey, I am sorry for the way you grew up and for the way your childhood is now affecting your adult life. It's great that you recognize the feelings you have because when we're able to acknowledge and accept our feelings we can work through the ones that are negatively affecting our lives. I hope you're able to find the help your seeking, preferably through a professional. The support of your church is great and they can play a role, like when your therapist isn't available, but I really think you should seek out professional help. They can help give you the strength and ability to "stand up" to the situation and move beyond it. I hope and pray that there aren't any other children still left at home who are being tormented like you were. If there are, you may consider getting some outside help to make sure they are safe. What about your mother? Good luck and hang in there, I think you're already turning out to be a great person in spite your heavy load. I'd suggest that you read a series of books about surviving child abuse...the one I remember the title to is "A Child Called It." I don't remember the author's full name, but I think his first name was Dave. See if you can find it...that child overcame unimaginable horrors and has come out on the other side and you can too. To answer your question...I don't have a clue if what you're experiencing is PTSD, but it's definitely something real and serious and warrants many trips to a therapist that is qualified to diagnose this kind of thing.

Answer 3

Not bad young lady. Do you feel you might hurt someone out of this need to lash back. That would be the only serious concern. The rest are things you are going to have to deal with your whole life.
I too once had an incidence where a person became angry and threatened violence and I was forced to defend myself. I had the habit of looking another right in the eyes for I had no reason not too. I learned that in reality the danger does not come from the eyes. It comes from some object or other elsewhere like a knife or gun in the hands. This eye contact thing doesn't tell me a thing in a bad situation.
And so I decided not to bring such a thing as others "I'm in a bad mood and it isn't who owes me as much as who is going to pay me" attitude and not be so wound up over this "a man's a man who looks another man in the eye" thing. I'm sure you are better than that and so...
cheer up and realize that you are OK to start off. And there are plenty of people like you out there and one just wrote to you. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Hun it does not sound like you have PTSD... It sounds like you have been in an abusive household all your life and have some other issues. These things are tied to your root and core beliefs of who you are and who and how other people act. It is very easy to understand why you don't trust people and why you have trouble showing emotions in front of people. You didn't say so but I would imagine that you feel shame about how you grew up and maybe even a lil guilt ( kinda like some of it was your fault ). What you have to remember is that you were born into that life and you have lived it for you entire life. This was neither you fault or even about you, it was all them and about who they are probably because of their beliefs about who they are and what other people mean to them. You are not wrong at all for feeling the way you do and remember there are no feelings that are bad or good they are simply feelings. You have learned not to trust people from the beginning so I'm sorry to say that you will have a long road in front of you. It will be very hard for you to get help with this until the pain of what is going on get worse than the pain of having to trust someone. What you need to say to your self is none of this was your fault ( and believe it ) and that all people are not like that ( and believe it ), then you need to go talk to someone who specializes in this type of problem. I would suggest that you not go to a regular therapist but that you seek help from a place that deals with domestic violence. I don’t know what area you are in or I would give you some numbers and if you need help finding this you can feel free to e-mail me and I will help you get this help. Many of these numbers can be found just from making a call to you local police and asking them for the number for domestic violence or by calling a crisis center in your area or try the internet. If you wanna chat or talk about anything that is going on just contact me, you don’t see me so it might be easier to let out what you want to. You have made the first step to working on this just by asking the question that you did now don’t stop.........................

Answer 5

It could be PTSD, but not necessarily. People in violent situations like yours often experience similar problems. I am sorry that you have had to experience these things. It is really rough. I have two really important suggestions for you:

1. Stay away from your father. There is no healthy reason to have anything to do with someone like that. He is obviously an evil man, and you do not have to submit yourself to his abuse. Nothing is worth it, not even trying to keep the family "together." I had a similar experience as a child and teenager. I have not talked to my father in 10 years; and I am much, much better off than my siblings who still do. Exposing yourself to that is going to make it harder to overcome your fears and psychological damage. In fact, it will make it impossible. You should not have to suffer. Some people will tell you that you shouldn't do what I am suggesting, and that you should "forgive." Well, you don't have to suffer abuse to forgive someone. I forgave my father a long time ago and am peace with what happened to me. That has nothing to do with exposing yourself to psychological terror.

2. That brings me to this: if you haven't already, get professional help. I'm dead serious. I'm not trying to put you down. What you went through may have caused PTSD, but even if it didn't, it has obviously caused you some serious hurt. Talk to your family doctor and get an appointment to talk to a therapist, maybe even a psychiatrist. It will make a really big difference. There are also programs available for people who have money problems, so ask your doctor about that if you don't think you can afford it. If you ARE getting help, then good for you! You can get through this, and you CAN lead a normal life. Lots of people get through this sort of thing and become quite successful in life, and you can too. The key is getting help and sticking to the program.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

PTSD is a generic label for people who have survived psychological shocking and painful periods. It comes in many "flavors" because the actual condition varies, based on what caused the stress and how long it lasted. It's usually not the kind of thing that "goes away after a while" and not something you can sort out yourself. Example, the Viet Nam vets who are still troubled by their traumatic stresses. You'll probably need counseling to work through it and achieve mental and emotional health. But it will be worth it. Good luck, Virginia.

Answer 7

Yes. It would appear that you are clearly suffering from the trauma you endured.

Your environment is a reflection of your state of mind. You need a safe place, even if right now it's just a therapist's office once or twice a week.

I definately think you would benefit from some counseling in addition to make serious changes in your personal life and relationships.

Going to therapy or taking medication is never enough. There's a lot of personal work. You've taken the first step, now take a deep breath, and take another step and try to get some counseling.

Answer 8

No, you don't have PTSD, but you do have issues and you should seek counseling.
You'd be surprised how beneficial counseling can be, especially when you realize that you're not alone and how you were raised, and your feelings regarding your father are not uncommon.
You just need some professional advice on how to lay the past to rest and take responsibilty for your own choices in life and your thoughts.

Answer 9

I would talk to a professional if I were you...How you survived at all is a miracle to me!!! I am sorry for your heartbreak, you have a major defense mechinism built up from your heartbreak...You need to find someone to help you break down that wall of isolation and make you the happy person you deserve to be!!!
Good luck to you and God Bless

Answer 10

Oh my goodness.
This is so familiar. I grew up with a violent family member. I still don't trust this person.

All I can say is get some counselling, if you can.
And know you are not alone.
There are plenty of us out here.