Why does my girlfriend lie?

Question

I love my girlfriend but she seems to lie a lot, not bad lies just silly white lies which I know are not true. I contradict her at times & wish she just wouldnt do it. I have told her but she doesnt take notice

Answer 1

Little lies are the ones to worry about.

The phrase 'little white lie' is very misleading. They may be little, maybe harmless in themselves, but the fact that they occur all the time indicates something not quite right.

I see no reason to think that someone who tells little lies could easier lie about something big. This is because you can expect almost anyone to lie about something big and important, or in a moment of panic, to save their own skin or through momentary fear. It should be worrying if someone lies to you habitually or about little things, because there should be no reason for an individual small lie, like what she had for lunch or who she was talking to on the phone.


I would say it is safe to assume that there is a reason for it, because lying takes more effort than telling the truth and is stressful. It may not be a very good reason, maybe not even rational, but there is one in there somewhere.

I propose that people lie either to protect themselves or something or to do harm through malice. I would predict that your girlfriend is protecting herself, seeing as she lies about small things a lot. This implies she feels threatened in some way. Here's all the reasons I can think of right now that might be factors. Several could be active at the same time.

She is insecure, seeking approval.
She is insecure, avoiding scorn.
She is in some other way lacking in self confidence, or is in doubt.
She does not trust you.
She feels you do not trust her.
She is keeping you at a distance for some reason, preventing you from learning more about her.

I don't think it is likely that she is hiding something "big."

If you are going to address the problem, you must be gentle. If she is insecure and protecting herself, she will not respond well to you ripping away a layer of defences. Likely she will supplement them with an angry outburst or similar tactic to get you to back off.

Finally, be aware that if confronted she may feel that you do not trust her. Note that this is true, she will be quite right (if you confront her). But more importantly, your lack of trust is justified. She is lying to you, after all. Good luck.

Answer 2

If your girlfriend lies continually and pointlessly - she has a real problem. It probably evolves from insecurities (trying to make herself or things that are happening more interesting than they are).

You have no control over this and neither does she unless she acknowledges the problem and is concerned enough to do something about. This will probably only get worse with time. - in fact the more smoothly things are going in your lives the more likely she is to be making up lies to spice things up - there is nothing like making a major catastrophe out of a minor drama.

You can confront her - it is unlikely to be productive- so it really depends on how well you can put up with this kind of behaviour - also keep in mind it is very likely to get much worse with time.

Good luck

Answer 3

Yeah - I agree - no need to be worried about her faithfulness. Bulimia is a disease and I have had it periodically for the last 10 years. I have not seeked help for it and have been hiding it from those I love and would probably deny it if I was confronted directly. It is probably best for you to do some research on it online so that you arm yourself with the best information you can. Now that you have confronted her about it though, I can almost guarantee that she is going to be more careful about leaving signs about it for you to find. There may not be another opportunity to approach her directly. Just try to stand by her and know that it is not easy. It is a control thing and very hard for people who dont know how it effects someone to understand. Maybe it is nothing, but it doesnt sound like that is the case. She needs to get help. Can you talk to any of her friends or family? Maybe they can be of some help.

Answer 4

Some people do not notice if they're lying or not. If they start doing it for a max. amount of times, it starts becomming a habit. If she continues this habit, you really need to talk to her. If I were you, I would dump her. No point of having a girlfriend ( Or even a wife ) who lies.

Answer 5

Hate to respond to a question with a question but...how do you know she doesn't tell bigger lies? I know of someone who tells huge lies, ferocious, God-awful lies, then lays low for a few months to regain a modicum of trust from ppl around her. Then tells another whopper. It's terrible. It victimizes anyone who cares about her. If someone is disillusioned enough to tell their partner many seemingly insignificant lies, what is stopping them from telling a bigger one? What if she is just testing you right now to see if you'll stay with her and/or what you'll believe? When you stay, she may move on to more manipulations that have more of an impact on your sanity.

Answer 6

everyone tells little white lies, i lied to my partner about the time i loggd off my pc the other night but he has keylogger on so he knew anyway but he didnt know i knew he had keylogger on! which i think when someone witholds info its as bad as a lie so i was just getting my own back! i would start to worry when she tells you whoppers, like telling you she going on holiday with you then doesnt cos she already has an holiday booked with her ex and their kids, thats a whopper! and it was told to me by my man!!!

Answer 7

I am not trying to be facetious here but if her lies bother you, you have to be honest and tell her so and tell her what you are going to do if she continues and follow through.

Answer 8

That's very dangerous CUZ these little white lies can turn into bbc lies really fast then it won't be funny anymore

Answer 9

not just your girlfriend, it's female trait. just watch they will all think this is a great answer but give it thumbs down!!!!

Answer 10

Some people can't help it. i would be careful with her as it might escalate into big porkies.