Although I am looking forward marrying my boyfriend one day, one thing I am less keen on. And that is to give up my surname. My surname is part of my identity, it has been part of me for many years and I simply like it. It is not that I dont like his surname. I just want to keep mine! I dont see any reason for me to give up my surname, and to take his. Tradition is not a reason in my eyes.
Girls, am I just crazy or do you guys feel the same?
2007-02-01 00:21:38 · 25 answers · asked by MM 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Gosj, and I thought I was the only one who disliked the idea of giving up my surname! I know we dont HAVE to, but society basically expects it from us women. Which I think is rubbish.
2007-02-01 00:42:54 · update #1
The reason "to show that you belong to your husband" does not mke sense. I dont believe you belong to someone. YOu are not a thing that can be owned. You belong WITH someone. And even if I did belong to him, he than also belongs to me so why doesnt his name change? Would be fair ...
2007-02-01 01:11:01 · update #2
I agree 100% with you and I have even argued with my boyfriend of 11 years- who seems to be offended by my own desire to retain my identity. When I asked him why he couldn't really say- its simply because it is tradition- patriarchal societies used to confer ownership of a woman from her father to her husband! Well that doesn't sit well with me and I shall always keep my own name!!
2007-02-01 00:27:01 · answer #1 · answered by gsladenyc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely feel the same. It is SUCH a part of your identity, it's on all of your certificates and degrees, and it's how your school friends differentiate you from all the other Angelas in the school... If guys had to give up their name at marriage, they wouldn't get so offended at the idea of a girl not giving up hers. You wouldn't be able to pry my surname from my cold dead hands.
And if the issue were really about uniting, and starting a life together etc etc, then both names should be changed or hyphenated, or both of you should take on another random surname lol.
I think that you should maybe raise this with him down the track when you're a little closer to the bouquet... I know there are some people who feel really strongly about it, but hopefully your guy is more open-minded, modern and understanding.
2007-02-01 08:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by Snow White 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel exactly the same. When I got married I kept my surname, wouldn't have it any other way. Tradition, I agree, is not a reason, and if your boyfriend thinks it is important for you as a married couple to have the same surname, tell him he can take yours!
You like your surname, don't lose it! Just explain to your boyfriend why you feel this way, and if he can't accept that - well, think about what that says about him and his need to control you.
2007-02-01 08:57:01 · answer #3 · answered by Amymoni 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do feel the same , i love my surname because not only is it my identity it is my dad's last name a part of his legacy as for changing it, i don't know i mite take his surname but also keep mines, i mean i don't want to lose my legacy from my family but by going into marriage is a whole new life and begining, it also changes your identity you know kinda belong to your husband no more your family, i suggest to keep your surname but also take on his.
2007-02-01 08:29:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Could you keep your surname and use his as well to give you a double-barrelled surname?? I agree though, and the reason why surnames change is to show that you belong to your husband. I've often wondered why a man's surname doesn't change?
2007-02-01 09:01:13 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ Divine ♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Understand completely. Maybe your intended just has to accept that you can be Mr. & Mrs. Jeff Smith & Tonya Jones or Husband & Wife Mr. Jeff Smith & Ms. Tonya Jones. Or 'cute couple' - comprised of complete individuals. Then you decide to have children. Anthony Jones & Sarah Smith? Anthony Smith & Sarah Jones? You and your mother are out together - Mrs. Jones? You both answer? Oh, you are Ms. Jones - Are you married?
Point is - that it get's confusing. You'll both get tired of it. You could both make concessions.
I got married late in life. To keep my job & credit history somewhat less confusing, I changed my middle name to my 'maiden' name. Am called Mrs. 'Smith'. So much easier. After a few years I wondered why I changed my middle name because it didn't matter anymore.
Marriage is a tradition with many rites and old fashioned 'expecteds'. Redefining the parameters - makes it less binding somehow. Sticks in a wedge that feels somewhat defeating. They are just names but adding his to yours - a tradition that inspires confidence and shows stead fastness. A leap of faith. Does not give up your individual identiy but creates your joint venture.
Many use the hyphenated version. Mrs. Jones-Smith. Wouldn't that be a good compromise?
2007-02-01 09:06:47 · answer #6 · answered by Quest 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you're not crazy i know alot of people that have that view its just some people dont like the thought of having a different name i suppose. and nowadays its very common for the woman to keep her surname once married.
My personal opinion is if i get married i would definitley take the surname i think its part of the acceptance of marraige and the commitment to your husband, i cannot wait to be a Mrs whatever one day.
2007-02-01 08:43:06 · answer #7 · answered by dubgirl26 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have no issue with changing my name when I marry, I have a very common surname so it is no odds to me. I am who I am regardless of what my surname is, and if I love someone enough to marry them then I will love them enough to want to use their name, also if I have children I want the whole family have the same name.
there is no reason either way to change or not it is what is right for you.
2007-02-01 10:00:44 · answer #8 · answered by funglobetraveller 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some women feel the same way and they don't give up their surname. I guess where it can get complicated is when you have kids. Will they have his name, a hyphenated name, or some combination of both your names?
I took my husbands surname. I wasn't that attached to mine, but that is for each woman to decide.
2007-02-01 08:27:22 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will probably take his, unless I see a good reason not to. If I want to perform, I think I could use a better stage name than the name I have.
Diamonte (first poster)--OK, suppose your name is Jessica. If you married Hugh Jass or Mike Hunt, that would just make you Jessica Jass or Jessica Hunt. Is there so much wrong with that? Now Jessica Rabbit, on the other hand...
2007-02-01 08:35:20 · answer #10 · answered by bisous148 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I Totally agree with you! That is how I feel too. I got married, lost my surname, took on his surname, two years later I got devorced from the idiot but i am constantly reminded of him because you can get rid of the bas@@# but you can't get rid of the surname.
I would like to have my maiden name back.
I think you should keep your surname but if it is going to be an issue with the future husband, how about keeping your surname and adding his there is nothing wrong with that - Female Celebs do it all the time
2007-02-01 08:32:25 · answer #11 · answered by Juanita L 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋