we been together for about 3yrs now. And now I am institing that he shuold join me in church becase it was the first promise he made to me the first day that i met him. But now he say he cannot forfill his promise so what should i do. Should i go on to marry him or we should break up.And now we planing to get married by June of this year.
2007-01-31 21:37:40 · 12 answers · asked by rosevclass 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ahh hun! It is up to you I am afraid. Thing is, if he is like this now, he will not change. The question is, do you need him to come to church with you? How are you going to bring up your kids, if he doesn't come to church with you- you may have a fight on your hands with 'kids', (No, I dont wanna go to church, Dad isn't going!) Pray about it though hun, coz I understand your predicament! You have to ask him why he cannot fulfill his promise, and what he is afraid of. Best wishes hun.
2007-01-31 21:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by beckic12000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insisting that he should join your church is simply not a decision for you to make. As a devout Adventist, you should know that converting is a personal decision and this is an issue between God and the individual.
Having said that, your boyfriend probably made promises to you to impress you and to make you like him. Now that you are scheduled to marry him, he probably doesn't feel like he has to commit to that promise. Perhaps he changed his mind along the way or it is possible he never really planned to convert to your religion in the first place.
You have to consider how having two separate religious bases will affect the children you will bring into this marriage. It is likely to create confusion and because it will be divided between the parents, it is likely to set a weak foundation in whatever beliefs they adhere to.
A strong relationship can withstand having different religous beliefs but it will take a tremendous amount of patience and understanding on both sides. If there is not a strong foundation to your relationship, the "religion issue" might end up tearing it apart.
What is scary is that your boyfriend has a history of going back on his word. Can you trust him then if he says, for example, "yes" to raising your kids Adventist? Only you will be able to tell if you want to take the risk. AND will it be worth it?
If you decide to marry him, make sure it is for the right reasons. Just because you are planning a wedding doesn't mean you have to push through with it. I think it would be better to break it off now than to have to split a marriage in the future.
Search your heart, pray for guidance and trust that you will make a guided decision.
Good luck!
2007-01-31 22:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by MamaBearKnowzz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I come from Scotland and unsure what an Advetist is but imagine it is a type of religion with your own churches, just as we have Catholic, Presbyterian etc. Two ways of looking at your situation, one being a promise is a promise and meant to be kept and other promises are made for breaking. I think your partner is somewhere in between. He made the promise but it also sounds like the beliefs of your church are not his. If this is the case would you want him to be hypocritical keeping a promise just for the sake of it. Is there no other way round it. I have a married daughter and another one getting married this year. In both case they are Catholic and the 2 boys don;t belong to any church but I couldn't wish for better partners for my girls. We have never tried to force Catholism on them just as I wouldn't expect them to force their beliefs on us. Had they belonged to a church we would all have had to meet half way regarding a marriage cermony and we would have but in both marriages it is a Catholic service with the clergy having full knowledge the boys aren't or wish to be Catholics. This means they can still have their marriage blessed but the boys are not committed to attend church etc with the girls. Is there no come and go in the Adventist Church? Are you supposed to marry another practising member?
2007-01-31 22:30:02 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends what is more important to you. I am a Catholic but my husband doesnt believe in God. He is a good person but doesnt believe. This does not bother me. I go to church on my own. You can't INSIST anything with your boyfriend. Marriage doesnt wok that way. You need to sort these issues out before you get married. What does he feel about how you should bring up any children you have? I suggest you postpone the wedding until you are happy and he is happy too!
2007-01-31 22:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had him make a promise without all the facts? On the first day he met you, you made him promise he would join your church?
What has happened is your boyfriend has discovered that in good conscious he can not accept the doctrines of your church...the man has integrity to take a stand for what he believes!!! He's not rejecting you...he's rejecting your religion.
I was an Adventist. I married a "non-Adventist"!! (For anyone that doesn't know that's what all Adventist call anyone who is not of their faith....have you ever heard of a non-Baptist or a non-Methodist...well the world is full of non-Adventist!!) I married a man of faith....a faith like I had never know before. My Adventist faith was based on fear....his faith was based on trust. His faith stood strong through death and hardship. My faith wavered and begged for a reason why. It was during these times that I saw what was wrong with my faith.
My faith was based on the Adventist doctrines. My faith was based on keeping the Sabbath in order to keep my salvation. My faith spoke very little about Christ. I spoke of God and "the church"--the Adventist church and the Sabbath.
His faith spoke of Christ and the power of the Son of God which lives within those who believe. His faith was grounded in Christ...grounded in Grace. His faith was the real thing!!!
He may forever change you life and offer you the peace that comes only through truly placing you faith in Jesus Christ. But it will be a hard go of a marriage where you faiths are divided...especially once you have kids.
Do you really want a man who would coward at your demands.....what you are saying is: "if he loved me enough he would be an Adventist?" Do you really want a man who will follow a woman? Isn't this what got Adam to a big mess in the Garden?? He knew she had done the wrong thing and he decided to follow her instead of God? This is the same thing you are asking your boyfriend to do!!!!
I hope your boyfriend continues to have the resolve to stick to his beliefs and remain faithful to Jesus Christ and not to trade Him for the pitiful substitute of Sabbath observance. I will be praying for him to have courage to stand up for what he believes and courage for you to take a real look at what you believe. It takes real courage to examine your believes and ask God to reveal unadulterated truth to you. I pray you have the courage to do this before you make a huge mistake of rejecting a man because he believes in Christ for salvation.
2007-02-04 13:28:09 · answer #5 · answered by dixiemade 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly why the Bible says ----Not to be unequally yoked together. In the Bible 2 Corinthians 6:14 says:
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?" (KJV)
Now as for the Marriage pending in June. If you truly love this man you will not pressure him into something that is not his choice. You've been dating and committed to this man for 3 years. Nothing has changed. You have your beliefs and he has his. By pressuring this man to change his faith and the church he attends is wrong. You accepted him for 3 years ---without this issue.
Follow your heart. You keep insisting on something that should've been clearly addressed 3 years ago you will not be marrying in June as you've planned. Follow your heart and accept your man for who he is and not base it on your church membership or religion!
2007-01-31 22:12:25 · answer #6 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO not at all ... I would not stay with this guy since he is breaking his promise to you about going to church. You should break it off with him and move on. Find someone of like faith to date and get to know. Look at it this way if he breaks this promise what other promises will he break to you down the road and will he ever go to church with you?
2007-01-31 22:05:55 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Religon is responsible for more marriage break ups & divorce than infidelity...worldwide that is....just marry who you love..thats what the important issue is
2007-02-01 06:17:48 · answer #8 · answered by Lone Wolf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is love and you should follow your heart! even if that means marrying a two headed alien.. better to be happy in love than depressed by religion
2007-02-01 21:36:57 · answer #9 · answered by robert x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its no good asking me, I'm an atheist & I cant help it because God made me that way !
2007-02-01 20:36:51 · answer #10 · answered by davis.rick@btinternet.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋