everything these days.He works long hours i also work too and have 2 kids from a previous relationship,but when i ask him for us to spend some quality time together he says im nagging him,why cant he see that his new business is killing our relationship.He says that he is working hard so that we will reap the benefits in the long run but what good is that if we seperate.I dont benefit from the business, i pay my own way and never ask him for a penny and never have done.He also wants us to have a child together,he wont marry me unless i have his child because,he wants to ensure that i dont get half of his house/money and other belongings without putting anything into the relationship (ie a child)is it time to move back to my own house and just get on with my own life,after 8 yrs together its a scary thought or am i being selfish in wanting him to spend time with me.
2007-01-31 21:10:22 · 13 answers · asked by happylove_bunny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Life is Give and Take... but it seems you are giving more than you are taking. Don't make the mistake that I did. Get your acts together and get yourself out of this situation. Yes, 8 years seems very lone, but you don't want to look back 8 years from now and regret why you didn't do it 8 years ago.
2007-02-01 01:09:14 · answer #1 · answered by Elliem 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband and I used to argue over everything in the end and that is a very stressful way to live. I used to ask him to spend more time with me and his kids but he didn't as said he was too tired from work. If your partner spends all his time away from you working then your relationship is going to suffer. My advice is not to have a child with him when you feel this way, you will be tied to him forever. He sounds quite selfish by only wanting to marry you if you have his child.
The best thing you have done is keep your own house and have your own money which will make it much easier to get on with your life if that's what you decide to do. Smart girl! I know it is a scary thought to start again after 8 years but the longer you leave it the less time you have to get used to being your own boss and to meet someone else. When I left my husband I was really scared and didnt even have a place to go but 4 years later I have met the man of my dreams and know I did the right thing.
If you are undecided then maybe you should go away for a couple of weeks or even move back into your house and see how he is then. If he begs to have you back and makes an effort to change and maybe even see a councillor together you can make up your mind then Good Luck.
2007-01-31 21:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have your own house then it sounds like that is
what you need to do. Go back, see how you get on and
let him know that you have been together for eight years
that is a committment in itself. If you do leave then
perhaps he will take it a bit more seriously than 'nagging'.
If he really loved you he would marry you and make you feel
safe, happy and wanted. Why should you have to pay your own
way? If he is so s*** scared of you getting a share of anything
what are you doing with him? This is no way to bring a baby
into the world. Good Luck.
P.S. He might have to work hard but ask him - Who will reap
the benefits?
2007-01-31 23:21:50 · answer #3 · answered by Minxy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa there.Hang on.From what you've written I suspect you're both really trying for the same goals but you're under such pressure the relationship is suffering.No,you don't just quit after 8 years because the going is tough.He's doing what he thinks he ought to do and I'm sure you're also doing your best.
Get what you want without nagging.Subtly bring some romance back into your life.Get a sitter in for the kids and organise you go out even if its for just the odd night each month.Don't expect him to take the lead on this-he's too wrapped up in his work.
Get back to the basics which brought you together in the first place.If you have a true partnership then both he and you need to realise that regardless as to who earns what and who owns what
its a joint pot from now on.Being together means you pool everything from cash to responsibilities.You're a team not 2 people working in opposite directions.Good Luck
2007-01-31 21:58:13 · answer #4 · answered by bearbrain 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems pretty harsh that he is making you have a child for the sake of your relationship. I think it is right that you should get out. Like you say its time to move on.
Sometimes, work and careers can ruin a relationship, he obviously places work and money over his loved ones and to me the whole 'HAVE A CHILD OR NO MARRIAGE' scenario seems like a business plan to me. Dont get me wrong , I am sure you have had some great times, but I would leave early before it gives you more heart ache.
It may sound harsh, but being in a relationship with someone means you have no time for yourself to like do your things or spend time with the kids. But now, if you were to leave him, i gurantee you will feel better because you will have no-one but ur kids.
2007-01-31 21:16:43 · answer #5 · answered by Charlottie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the arguement my husband and I have had for the past 2 weeks. He says I nag when I asked to spend time with him. Well, I work 50+ hrs per week, he works 30-40. We spend no time having fun. His attitude is horrible.
I asked him if there was someone else. He said no, he loves me.
I am going to stop asking for time and have my own fun. Maybe he will miss me?
About having a baby before he will marry you? Well, on that, I say get your ducks in a row and find someone without those conditions. If he loves you he will marry you whether you have another child or not.
Good Luck!
2007-01-31 22:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by lizzybit64 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you call him your partner, you should be in a partnership. But it seems to me like there is no compromise here, nothing shared. Its not selfish to want to spend time with him, why be together if you don't see each other?
Its a tough decision to make and it is scary being alone after such a long time. But you have to decide what will really be best for you and your kids and maybe that is being alone. If you do decide to go, I think you'll be amazed at how quickly you settle into it and how much you enjoy being your own woman again.
Good luck!
2007-01-31 21:17:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is a problem,i think you dont want the third child before this man marries you and i think is a good idea,he kept you for so long in his house without marrying you and if he dont want to marry you,then leave him,he dont have to use a child as an excuse for not marrying you,what if he makes you pregnant and leaves you, can you manage three kids and who is going to look for u with so many kids? You have two kids and that is a prove to him that you can still have kids but you cant have a third one before marriage.
2007-01-31 21:30:05 · answer #8 · answered by peedee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
personal speaking i think you are not a selfish woman,because i believe each women hope they can have a harmonious family,a husband who loves them very much, a clever children, do not need so much money.i think women belong to the emotional animal,feeling is very important for woman, if no feeling,they will not have heart to take good care of their family. of course, money is also enssential for life, however, money can not buy anything, though you have lots of money, you can not buy a happy family, you can not buy a health boby, certainly , you can not buy true love, maybe you will get respect when you have lots of money, but if you do not have a happy family , people will laugh at you !therefore, i think your husband should not only have a charming business, but also should spend time with you ,should be a true successful business man,so i hope you should think carefully before you do some decision, it is better to change than to seperate.you should give place each other!understand each other!
2007-01-31 22:54:17 · answer #9 · answered by leolee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont give in to the child part,if you have not decided anything.Give him some time for his work,and let him settle down.
2007-01-31 21:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by ANU U 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋