Imagine U were informed by a third person that your wife was in love with someone before marriage and its true

Question

Now my mind swings on various points that my wife made after marriage, one is this-My wife to me: “I like one Mr.X very much but not more than you”. I can’t imagine loving a girl other than my wife in my life. I know my wife also loves me. But what disturbs me is this - Her first love will always stay in her mind. How can she lov me 100% when der is still residues of her first love inher mind. Why did she not tell me dis when I was so open to her saying anything I did and I do. Hard to express how I feel now. Imagine when u learn that ur wife has offered her whole heart to someone already and she still has good name for him (by the above statement). In such deep love she wud have considered him as her husband and lived with him in dreams. She was longing for that guy, spoke to him at mid night getting too much disturbued by his thinking etc. I am collapsed. I started smokin, drinkin but nothing cud comfort me & I can’t stop or hide my love for her bcoz I gave my wholeheart to her......

Answer 1

I don't feel bad about you. Its with everyone. Some people (both men and women) has courage to accepts and admits others do not. Every one OK most of us love multiple persons. When a mother can love five kids why can a boy can love two girls!

I am 46 now and still now on Valentine day I give gifts to 5 of my girlfriends. Also in front of my wife. My wife also gets gifts. Love always does not mean sex.

Be open my dear friend. Accept the fact of real life. Your life would be smoother. At present day wife is not a personal property. You can not be so much possessive. She also has a mind. And one man can not fulfil all the requirements of a girl. In India in our society we all men think that we can go out with other girls but our wives should sit at home and look after kids. Those days are gone long back.

Answer 2

Hi,

So the problem is not the present but the past. Past of your wife.

1. Lets be specific boy. When u married u never expected to know each and everything abt that girl. So, it was ur blind game, satisfaction, tht shud be there, that you got such a good wife.

2. U know there are lot many boys and girls out there, who are talking to there loved ones right now. My friend talks for 4 hours daily to his gf. And if in any case this relation does not ends up in their marriage, would that mean, that they can never love any one else truly again? I do not happen to think so. So what are u repenting about, getting a second hand deal. Is that What is bothering you and is that what u would like to term ur relationship as?

3. And about the stuff she did not tell u about him, then my man u have been a bit un-observant to that part. She told u she liked a person but made clear that she loves you now. And if she says so, I see no reason for u to dis-believe her.

4. I think u r more concerned abt the physical intimacy part. And that, is one thing that only God can answer. Because if you ask the boy, he is mostly "Yes, I did that". And Girl is, "No, that was never done."

So what are we left with no past no future, but just one present. And this has everything to do with you and your faith. Get over it man. If you are thinking what and how you wife behaved with the other guy when u were not married, that is none of your business but your future is. Take control of it. Love her, be insanely in love with her. Support her but do not blindly be committed to her.


Love potion is best brewed when it takes time. Give this relationship some time. If that does not works out, then you have the right to complain. Not now. Love is only the answer that will solve all you query.

Answer 3

It is obvious that you love your wife and are quite possessive about her.

It is a natural process in life that you take birth, grow up in teens, have romantic feelings, you some times practice it and in some cases miss all this. Then you get married… and if the wife happens to be an above-average beauty… than… all these problems what you are having, appear one after another.

You have become so very much possessive about her that if she expresses her likes or dislikes you take her feelings as love or hatred. She merely expressed that some body is a good person… in other dialogue or expression she might have said, “She liked him” however, she might have noticed her mistake on the spot and than went on for a damage control exercise by adding “but not more than you”.

However it was too late, she had already used a wrong language for expressing something which she could have easily avoided… the bullet had already shot … and out of possessiveness, you had reduced yourself so very vulnerable that it pierced right through your heart.

You created a world of fantasy about imaginary romantic affaires and feelings of this poor woman for no fault of hers. By doing this, you are doing injustice to the most important person of your life. You should not doubt her integrity because you would become half of your existence without her. Have faith in her… do not look at every one around you with suspicion…

Look, the ‘third person’ is the most dangerous entity in anybody’s life. Such people are usually found everywhere in the society who create differences between people and fulfill their evil desires and plans.

Remove the third person from your world and live a happy romantic married life… all the very best…

Answer 4

Now first of all you have a second hand informatiom You do not exactly know what was the relationship with him. You have said that your wife loves you. Please please do not bother with an old time affair of your wife .Live in the present and look forward to the future. The past is only a bad dream. There is no meaing in getting into habits that will only harm you.
In a way as she loves you she would have forgotten all the old things . Time is a great healer so look forward to a good life.

Answer 5

She said "I like one Mr X very much", but not than you. She did not say, she loved Mr. X. I think you blowing this way out into a place that it is not necessary to be at. If she did not love you, she would not have married you are stayed with you. If she spoke to him, she was just curious, we all get curious like that sometime. Stop beating yourself up, stop smoking and stop other things that you are doing, that you did do before. Your only hurting yourself, if you do not stop, you could be making problems in your marriage. So what if she offered her whole heart to him, he refused it, you got it and you got her. You better start working harder to keep her.

Answer 6

My dear friend, please remember that it was something that had happened in past. May be she had not felt comfortable telling you in the initial days though you were an open book. And this is not going to harm your exisiting relationship anyway.

I suggest you ignore this and focus on on what is there for you in future. Also, find some time to make a visit to marriage counsellor and get some advise from him. All the best.

Answer 7

The relationships that happened before marriage do not matter at all. Perhaps ur wife would not even have looked at this guy had she known that it was u who was going to marry her. U simply r imagining things and going wild about things that do not exist. Relax!

Answer 8

Listen I have been married for 14yrs I still sometimes think of my ex from time to time, my first love it's only natural BUT ,I would not change my hubby for the world.
Women are more sentimental then men .Really I would not
worry myself sick over this!If anything you are going to
push her away by acting like this. Relax and enjoy her she is yours ,don't let the past get in between you and her.ALL THE BEST!

Answer 9

in loving someone there is always a risk in not getting the same kind of love in return. and in your case it seems that your wife liked/loved someone else before she married you. and now you feel that you have been betrayed by that fact. drinking and smoking wont answer your problem.

if you truly love your wife... love her for who she is. love her for the same reasons that you fell in love with her. people are complex and love only makes them even more complex.

consider your marriage one in a billion marriages that is less than perfect. it's what you make of it that matters.
to give you a more global perspective on marriage...

arraged marriages (more prevalent in eastern culture) unites man and woman that rarely knew each other or in some cases have never even met until their wedding day.
imagine being in love with someone and one day to be married to someone else, someone you have never met or spoken to.
there are times that these people resented their parents for this arraged marriages but there were also cases that their love for each other grew each and everyday of their marriage.

imagine that. hope you see the big picture

Answer 10

Smoking & drinking can only cause you more problems. If you really love your wife talk to her tell her this thing really bothers you. Sit down relax and talk don't just talk listen closely to what she says. If all else fails try going to church.