my parents have married and remarried many times. Hollywood marriages all end in shambles. What is going on these days?, I used to think that marriage was sacred.. now people just take it for granted. like it is a trophy. stack up as many as u can! I am starting to loose my faith in marriages. i want a family, but i am afraid, because of this growing pattern in society.. Marriage is not all that it used to be... what happened!
2007-01-31 17:35:17 · 18 answers · asked by alohaforever16 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I once read an answer a national advice columnist gave, in which she (the columnist) complained that people think a good marriage requires WORK. She contended that marriages don't require work, they just require commitment.
Well...guess what. Commitment takes WORK! Good marriages don't make it just because the spouses have made a mental commitment to...commitment.
Good marriages take conscious, careful, deliberate work. I don't mean dusting and keeping the oil changed in the car, though all that kind of stuff helps (keep the house/car etc. clean shows respect for the appearance you present as a couple). I mean it's HARD, really hard, to recognize when/where/how you as an individual have to capitulate to the you as a couple. You really do have to give up some of who YOU are in order to become who WE are. And in a marriage, WE is more important than YOU--otherwise, what's the point? Too many people don't want to do this. Some of it is ego. And I think a good deal of it is some bizarre expectation we all have that, somehow, we're "owed" something...love? happiness? I don't know. But just because you're on this planet doesn't mean you're owed anything. If you want a good marriage, you have to WORK to make it good. And if both of you aren't doing it, the marriage isn't going to make it. But if you really love each other...if putting the other before yourself is the most important thing to each of you...this is some of the most rewarding, most fulfilling, and...yes...the EASIEST hard work you'll ever engage in.
BTW...I married an older man. He gets it. Don't give up!
2007-01-31 18:03:46 · answer #1 · answered by katbyrd41 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because in society today there is a high divorce rate, doesn't mean that you will get one. Make sure you find someone with the same views on marriage as you have. Get married for all the right reasons.
1. love
2. compatibility
3. trust
Not necessarily in that order, and there are other things I didn't list, anyway don't do it cause you feel pressured for any reason. I think the high divorce rate in our society could be partially caused from not thinking things through beforehand. There are many other reasons though.
2007-01-31 17:55:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several reasons 1. people are getting married for wrong reasons 2. People not willing to put real work into a relationship. Everyday is not roses in relationships and most people today do not want to work through the bad times. 3. I think the fact that we get married a lot later also has an affect because as you get older you get more stuck in your ways and so it's harder for two people that are set in their ways to be together. It's easier if people grow together.
4. A lot of the same issues that cause divorces have been going on since the beginning of time but issues such as infideltity are different now because women are doing for themselves. back in the day a women would have to put up with a lot of crap from their husband because they were solely dependent on them financially. Today women do not have to depend on men financially so they do not have stay in a bad relationship.
2007-01-31 18:06:07 · answer #3 · answered by MISS KNIGHT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because people think marriage is all about love its not. Its about a variety of things. Top things being communication, commitment, and compromise
I could sit here and list things all day, but it takes a couple really wanting to stay together to stick thru the tough times.
Try to find someone with that same value. Someone who will say... When we are 50, I'd like to do this and this.. not someone who says... " If we divorce, or what if it doesn't work out? "
2007-01-31 17:43:12 · answer #4 · answered by joulesofaffection 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the marriage it's self but the people in the marriage.Don't lose faith in marriage because the commitment is up to you as a couple. Lots of peoples marriages don't work because of their own fault and nothing more. Your going to continue to be afraid if you never go ahead and leap forward. Not everything is bad in a marriage it's how much two people love and respect one another.
2007-01-31 17:47:28 · answer #5 · answered by teena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened is people started becoming more self riches. Self centred. Back in the day it was a bad thing if you got a divorce. It was very taboo. Now days people learn to except it. Through thick and thin used to mean something. Now it's not really practised. Plus, people get married for all the wrong reasons. 60-40 divorce will soon be 70-30 and so on.
2007-01-31 17:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by Raven Jr. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage is the same as its always been pretty much there is just more advertisement about things that have been around for ever.Its so hilarious everybody talks about threesomes and such on here like its something new but i have news for you back in the fifties they were throwing car key parties where the woman selected the keys of the guy they wanted to home with that night.. life is pretty much the same as its always been..its just been more brought to life by media events sharing every bodies dirty laundry and airing the facts that have been going on since the world started.If you are convinced about marriage maybe its best you don't get married..sometimes it can be a real drag and other times a real joy its what mostly you make of it and let the world just keep on doing what it wants ... its your choice
2007-01-31 20:07:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They were always falling apart, people just quit being afraid to admit it. Women aren't trapped in abuse relationships because society would look down on them for getting divorced. Marriages didn't just start going bad, we've just started admitting when things aren't perfect anymore, and when we're unhappy.
That being said, mine is currently falling apart. Care to analyse that?
2007-01-31 17:40:06 · answer #8 · answered by ... 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage works for over half of all married couples. Those that work at filling and refilling each other's "five love tanks" are the couples who make it in the long run. Socrates advised that "by all means marry, if you get a good [spouse] you'll forever be happy. If you marry a bad [spouse], you'll become a philosopher and that's good for [any person]."
2007-01-31 18:40:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
because marriage is now built on conditions, and conditions change, and people don't want to waste the time anymore to work things out, cause when a marriage has problems there is always someone else out there that will move right in and take the place of the spouse.
2007-02-01 01:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋