Is this cheating? If yes, what should I do now to repair my marriage?

Question

I am married for 14 years and have two kids who my husband and me love very much.I had been in email(5/6 mails) contact with a friend for one year and met him in a resort when he came here to take his wife and kids with him. Later,I had written a love letter to my classmate which I did not send but my husband found it. I had gone through lot of harassment in my marriage and we once even thought of divorce. But I always wanted my husband to change and never had plans of leaving him since he is broke. I am leaving for US in a couple of months and I wish to take my family with me. I told my husband that I never committed any wrong and that both of us only discussed our family problems and that the letter is nothing but a fantacy. I feel the pain when I see the hurt in his face. What I liked about the other guy is his commitment to his family and how he loves and respects his wife. In the letter I had written how I love him and need him a lot which my husband finds hard to digest.

I am no longer in touch with this guy and as I don't remember his Id. I even offered to give it to husband if I receive any email. I gave him instances of how I had been nice to him before, after and during my contact with my friend. Did I do something that he can not trust me any more?

I am no longer in touch with this guy and I don't remember his Id. I even offered to give it to husband if I receive any email. I gave him instances of how I had been nice to him before, after and during my contact with my friend. Did I do something that he can not trust me any more?

Answer 1

No I don’t think this is cheating it only some misunderstanding between you two. What I feel you two should go & meet some good marriage counselor who can make your husband understand the truth about the whole affair. Just saying you love some one does not mean you become unfaithful with your spouse. I can understand this feeling. I myself had a very good friend with whom I used to chat & even we used to say these things to each other, although we both married & had families. But I knew her physical condition as well her matrimonial problems for which I was giving her advice often. She was suffering from last stage of cancer & her husband was not taking care of her, at that time I used to send her messages to console her of this dual trauma which even my wife knew & understood. But it all ended one day on her death. So I suggest you to have a discussion with your husband regarding this issue & consult some marriage counselor for this purpose.

Answer 2

see yours is a problem where you have not cheated then too it seems like cheating.Firstly if you have a problem with your life and your marriage you should work towards it. It seems you are not happy with your marriage else why would you have written the letter,ok you have written it why didn't you tear it whydid you keep it, for your husband to notice it. I m a man and am talking from a man's point ofview if i ever find something like that i'll be devastated as 14 yrs is a long time. You mention that you liked the commitment which your friend had towards his family, agreed your husband is not working towards it but neither are you else this problem would have arisen.
Ok now enough of lecturing but i feel you should sit down with your husband and talk it out with him.Send your kids out for a full day and sleep over to a relatives place, and talk to your husband.let him shout and remove his frustrations once and for all, he desperately needs to do this. you from your side can assure him that this won't happen again in life. don't hit the bed until the problem is solved. Cry out in front of each other these things really help. As much as you need your husband even he needs you and at the moment he might be feeling a little lost in life, he needs to cry his heart out .
Always remember for later in life too, Never ever sleep on a fight, meaning end all your fight resolve them and then go to sleep.
I can sincerely wish you all the best and hope your husband understands you. After your husband pours his heart out you too make himrealise the circumstances which made you write the letter in the first place even he needs to work on the marriage.
All the best and may everything go on smoothly with you

Answer 3

I would say you definitely did something wrong. Would you have liked your husband doing what you did with some other woman? Writing her a love letter, sent or not, you'd know he was thinking about her in that way. You didn't actually cheat in person, but the internet causes more divorces. It is easy to be nice to people on here and tell them what they want to hear but get with them in person and it isn't the same, believe me. You took his trust for you away. You need to do anything and everything to regain it, no matter what and if he decides he can't trust you, he should be free to leave and find someone he can trust.

Answer 4

That really hurts everyone. If your husband does the same, will you not get hurt. I feel that your husband is a respectful person but you have broken the trust he has given you. Try to repair it. I would also like to advise your husband that everyone makes mistakes, trust your wife and continue that lovely friendship forever. I hope you keep us posted of the improvements.

Answer 5

To a certain extent I would say this would have been cheating, cheating in your heart & mind. My husband once wrote his ex a letter telling her she was still beautiful and all this other garbage, and it hurt me, I felt like he cheated on me. Your husband is probably feeling that you want to be with someone else. I honestly think there is no way to take back what you wrote, but continue to work through it with your husband. I would even say counseling may be needed. I hope everything works out for you & your husband.

Answer 6

you should not have wrote that letter! you should not have even been talking to another guy like that if you have a husband. Although this is not technically cheating you are not happy with your husband so you really need to have a talk about working things out between you too.

Answer 7

You have a soft corner for the other guy. It hurts your husband's ego. The effect is compunded for the fact that he is broke. I don't know to what length you are prepared to go for a patch up. But if possible, say sorry to your husband. Your actions weren't exactly conducive to mental comfort of your husband, especially as he is facing other problems in his life too.

Answer 8

Lady, when you write love letters to men other than your husband, you are opening doors you have no right to open unless you want out of your marriage. If I were your husband, I'd have a difficult time trusting you, respecting you, admiring you and even being with you. You have not physically betrayed your marriage by sleeping with this guy, but you have emotionally damaged his trust in you.

Try to repair your marriage with a few sessions of counseling....

Answer 9

I think you need to be honest with yourself.Think hard.If you feel that you are attracted to this friend of yours,then it is your decision.It may not be morally correct but then I am not the one to comment on this.But you shouldmake your own choice.But if what you have written is true and you really love ur husband then u need to convince him of his love and make him understand the truth.And above all pls be honest but u can avoid things which are secret and will hurt him even further.but do definitely remove all proof.and don't do this again.

Answer 10

you say that you liked the commitment that this other man had toward his family but if that was true what the hell was he doing hanging out with YOU????? No you didn't cheat but the intention was there and yes your husband has something to worry about......you apparently need to re think your feelings for your huband you must not love him as much as you think if you are able to write another man a love letter and NEED him....