They welcomed my previous boyfriend, but they refuse to have my new guy into their house, or even acknowlege his existence. We've been together for 2 years now, and they would only meet him once - the first and last time. They don't like (a) his age (b) that we live together (c) that he's a different race. My mom was really mean about it when I bring him up, and said that I must have a mental disorder. But I love my parents and my boyfriend too. I don't want them to disown me, but I'm way too old to break up with somebody I really really like just because of my parents. (btw, my boyfriend is one of the nicest and most respectful guys I've ever met. he wouldn't say a bad thing about anybody, and we have a lot of fun together). But I've always had a really good relationship with my parents too...how can I get them to give him a chance?
2007-01-31 16:16:50 · 10 answers · asked by Kate 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Find another boy friend.
The age difference is not bad when you're 27 but IT'S HUGE WHEN YOU ARE 52 and all he wants to do is sleep (Trust me we have friends and the wife really feels it to the point of depression)
The same holds true in reverse (28 yr old and a 15 yr old have little in common). In your 30's and 40's the gap is not noticeable but you will find it difficult later on in life no matter how nice a guy he is and he does sound like a nice guy.
2007-02-01 05:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a good relationship with your parent then you should be able to talk to them about anything and that means your relationship with you boyfriend. Why don't you try to sit down with your parents and tell them how much you love this guy and how good he treats you. Tell them to at least give him a chance. They may even come to love him very much. Tell them that you have already been with him for 2 years and you love him even more. Let them know you wouldn't have it any other way because he is very good to you and if your happy then they should be happy for you. Your parents are sure to come around once they know your never letting him go. Only time will tell. I do believe they will come to love him one day!
And if it's because of his age and race. I believe age is just a number and and every one is equal. Race is just a freak en word we are all the same!
I wish you all the luck and I hope you follow your heart and what makes you happy is very important!
2007-01-31 17:35:51 · answer #2 · answered by Humming Bird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would ask you is, how is your boyfriend taking it? Is he angry with your parents for not accepting him? Does he think you should break off your relationship with them? If not, then the situation is probably going to work itself out eventually if you are together long enough. Age may be a problem, and race. But the main thing that you must get across to your parents is that you are 27 years old and that you are now old enough to make decisions for your own life. But you must do this in a way that lets them know that you respect them still, but nevertheless it is YOUR life. Tell them that they have done a good job raising you. They have taught you well how to make the right decisions and make them understand that you still love them very, very much and that you don't want to be put in the position (by them) of having to choose between your boyfriend and them. But there comes a time when you will have to make a family of your own and if you let your parents control who you are with, then you may give up the best person for you and maybe the love of your life and it IS your life.
Try to do things that endear him to them. Like when it's Mother's Day, send flowers from both of you to your Mom. Or if your Dad needs help with something, get your boyfriend to volunteer to help him. At first they will turn him down but one day they may need his help and he will be there. He should really try to do whatever he can to show them that he's taking good care of you and you should NEVER EVER discuss any problems you have with him with your parents or other family members. Find friends to talk to if you have problems in the relationship. Your parents will only use those problems as weapons against him later. Maybe if your Dad mentions he's looking for something, like a part for a car or a certain kind of tires, tell your boyfriend and he can find them for him. Let your boyfriend bring them over to him (or you can go with him). Something like that. But be firm with your parents at the same time and let them know that you will not tolerate them calling you bad names, and you'll have to give them some tough love.
I've been through this with a boyfriend except I was the older one and my situation was even worse cuz the boyfriend's brother liked me first and I turned him down. Then when I met the younger brother I started dating the younger one. I was 43 and he was 27. The older brother got really jealous and told the parents all these bad things about me that weren't true, but the parents believed him and tried to convince my boyfriend to leave me. My boyfriend and I knew the truth that he was just jealous, but we couldn't say that to the parents because the parents would never believe it, so my boyfriend just said to his parents that I was his choice and if they didn't like it, too bad. Well, it took quite a long time, but every time he talked to them on the phone, he always said "Rachael says 'Hi' " like that to them. And we sent them cards at holidays signed by both of us and after awhile, they didn't really like it, but they started to accept it. Good luck. And I am really sorry that your parents feel that way. Hang in there. Tell your boyfriend not to take it too personally. Alot of parents really believe that what they are doing is right, even though they are being racist.
You also may want to remind your parents that marriages in this country end more than 50% of the time in divorce and living together is a good way to know if you can get along. And be honest with them. Tell them "wake up, I'm 27! It's a different world now, did you expect me to be a virgin when I got married?"
2007-01-31 16:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by themerchantprincess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are your parents and you love them, but there has to come a point when you stop trying to please them and worry about what makes you happy. If they can't accept him, take it as them not accepting you because at the current time he is an extension of you. And if you two have a family some day? Think about the big picture and what makes you happy. It's hard having parents that are upset with us but you are a grown woman! You can make your own choices and if they aren't happy with the choices you make at this point...well then tough sh*t for them!
2007-01-31 16:22:01 · answer #4 · answered by RitzFitz29 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will fix this. Your parents are probably wondering why this older guy is dating younger women and what's wrong with him that he hasn't settled down with a family at 40. If he treats you with respect and they see that this relationship is heading somewhere then eventually they will come around.
2007-01-31 16:34:45 · answer #5 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why should it even matter what your parents think about him... you're 27 yrs old; it's not like you're 16. and if your parents don't like him, they're just gonna have to get over it because there's nothing they can do about it. on top of that, discrimination against another race is just plain ignorance and i'm not calling them ignorant but it's the fact that they don't like him for that reason included. it's rediculous. but the main point is that you're a grown woman, you can do what you please and IF they disown you for it... then yes... i would consider them to be ignorant and insane. (i'll add that i'm a homosexual and just because my mom doesn't agree with my preferances, doesn't mean she will no longer love me... think about it) :-)
2007-02-02 07:17:48 · answer #6 · answered by cordell b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are a grown women and you have to live your life for your self
not any one else. if this man treated you like you want to be
treated then that all that matter, they will come around but if they
dont then they will lose there daughter and grandchildren if
there are any down the road. and that sometime is the problem.
2007-01-31 17:19:34 · answer #7 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the age won't matter now but it will when you are older take it from someone that knows its very sad. caus ethey are gong to be seniors and you aren't and they will be going to wards the end of thier life and you aren't you'll be alone. if you can handle that they its your paretns that will come to you eventually after you are married.
2007-02-04 12:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they might never they probably always pictured you with someone your own age and race try explaining to them how much you care for him and you want them to be part of your life with him
2007-01-31 16:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by malone1423 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go on with life as usual and let them alone they will come around one day when they realize that you arent..
2007-01-31 18:20:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋