If someone let you spend their money but treated you like you are beneath them,by arrogance, what do you do?

Question

You can spend what's left after bills (theirs and yours) and if you enjoy what you've bought too much, it gets broken or stolen. They never buy you anything or say thank you for anything you may do for them, but they expect you to be grateful to them. They lie to you and behave childishly at you knowing what a burden they are and they don't HAVE to change or consider your feelings....after all they do let you spend their money!?
This is a morals/ethics and psychology question.
SO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Shi
You've made a lot of errors in your assumptions! You have calculated that you have all of the information you need in order to offer such misdirected advice.

Answer 1

divorce him

Answer 2

This sounds like a relationships question too... If you are in this relationship with such an unreasonable person - I'm sorry for you.

You need to talk to them about their behaviour - if they are willing to listen to you.

If they are not willing to listen and either make some adjustments or get some help for their behaviour (which is clearly unreasonable) then the relationship will need to be re-negotiated unilaterally by yourself. You will need to take steps to defend your self esteem or this ongoing situation could damage you. Some people would choose to extract themselves from a relationship like this. Others would take control of their finances within the relationship and not take the nonsense.

It sounds as though you really need to have a good chat with someone sensible who will listen to you and help you sort out your own mind and a way forward. Hope you make some progress,

Answer 3

When we get into intimate relationships and find that "perfect soulmate," we expect that our partner will be like-minded, have similar views, like to do the same things, have the same views on raising children, and the same ideas about spending money.

The reality is that we are each separate individuals, with different backgrounds, belief systems, and emotional patterns. In an issue of "Modern Maturity" magazine, an article highlighting inter-racial, inter-generational, and inter-cultural relationships caught our attention. Since there's a 16 year difference in our ages, this article really spoke to us.

In this article, John Gottman, author of several relationship books, said, " We often expect our mate to understand and meet our expectations. If that doesn't happen, we feel he/she must not love us enough, or is intentionally being hurtful."
The point is that your mate is just coming from another point of view. He goes on to say that because "inter" couples "often enter marriage with a more conscious awareness of the cultural, age or racial differences between them, they're more likely to address these issues by talking openly about them."

This openness from the beginning of the relationship helps to depersonalize the conflicts and eliminate the hurt feelings that often arise when differences surface.

People tend to believe that if they have the same spiritual beliefs, grow up in the same community, got to the same schools, have the same family background, or like bowling, golf or dancing, they will always think alike and the differences between them won't be great. The fact is that you can grow up next door to someone, be the same age, go to the same schools but have dramatically different cultural, philosophical and personal viewpoints and belief systems.

The "inter" couples in the article said that when there are apparent differences in ideology, culture, race, age, religion, those differences stand out quickly,forcing you to deal with them up front. We've all heard people say "What happened to the person I married?" The truth is that more likely than not the differences were there all the time and were just finally coming to the surface.

It seems like such a shock to you that you have these differences that you start doubting the wisdom of your choice to be in a relationship with this person who is so "unlike" you.

This concept is illustrated in Steven Covey's story about the man and the optometrist. Imagine if you would sitting across from your optometrist.

Your are handed his/her eyeglasses and told to try those on. When you tell your doctor that you can't see a thing, the optometrist says, "I don't know why--they've worked well for me all these years. I can see perfectly fine with them!"

Isn't that what happens when we don't accept that our intimate mate might come from another frame of reference, separate from ours, on a particular topic?

You expect that someone else's lenses will work for you and when they don't, you are surprised and sometimes angry.
If you really want intimate, connected relationships, you have to understand and respect the "glasses" that your mate uses to see life, while honoring and sharing your own "pair of glasses." We've found that expecting that there will be differences, listening without interrupting, and then speaking freely without fear are key elements to working through the differences that arise between us.

The first step to healing anything in your life is through awareness, If you are feeling separation or distance from your mate or anyone in your life, try looking at the issue from the frame of reference through which the other sees life. Habit 5 of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits says, "Seek first to understand then be understood."

When you do that, it's very difficult to be angry with that other person and can be the beginning of a deeper connection.!..

Answer 4

i'll give them their money back and tell them point blank that i will not be made to put up with or tolerate their crap, any longer, leave and forget about them. i don't care about the money, rather i want respect from them, and if you don't get the respect that you deserve, then why subject yourself to them by allowing them to treat you like ****? as well as it being wrong, it is also immoral and inexcusable too

Answer 5

I would skip town, better yet the state, and make a better friend, and when that "friend" of yours reminds you what a burden you are, I would personally go there and slap them on the face
'till it falls off. (is it your husband/wife you are talking about? If it is punch the bad out of him/her)

Answer 6

money iss'nt everything. you will never find true happiness in such a relationship. Leave while you still can.

Answer 7

Give or take my circumstances, remove myself from the situation as quickly as possible.

The individual you describe values nothing but the 'Power that money gives them to Control the other person and their feelings.'

It's a good game to play, if you want to play it. Otherwise...

Sash.

Answer 8

Never spend someone else's money. Work for your own.
I would rather hold my head up high than be beholden to another.x

Answer 9

I like my job, so I would leave the person and live perhaps poorer, but without the hassle.

Answer 10

take their money, and RUN, but do it in a fashionly way that suggests you are spending their money but really aren't then when the time is right, leave them

Answer 11

you should lock them in a cellar, make sure u check they are ok about 6-7months later. problem solved