How do you cope with being critical of others or criticism of your self from others.?

Question

To my shame I'v been told I'm to critical of others,I'v all ways knowen it is easy to find bad things in others more so than good. and when it comes to criticism of my self. I like to think if I can see some thing in what being said I will be the first to addmit it and say sorry or take note of it for futcher ref... in any event I like to know what others have to say on this matter and any addvice on how not to be critical of others. THank You in addvance. yours in J. C. peter william lack. and do have a nice day.

Answer 1

When we speak angrily in negative criticism about a person, we attack or cricize in that person not that person's legitimate weakness or misdeed, but instead we attack that person's greatest strength, or gift, to hide that very wrong or flaw in ourselves.

Of course, there are primarily two kinds of criticism. One kind of criticism is good. Another kind of criticism is bad. Good criticism is presented to a listener in love and kindness. Good criticism is thought out beforehand, then shared insightfully. It is criticism meant to do good for the one spoken to. It is information presented in a way that might best be received by the one spoken to for his or her personal wellbeing. Bad criticism, on the other hand, targets the one criticized in a spirit of anger, frustration, impatience and irritation. So, why do we people criticize negatively, I mean the bad criticism? Let us be clear, the reason we criticize in a bad way is "never" to change another. Instead it is to change ourselves. When we as humans criticize in venting rage or anger, we attack in another that other person's greatest gift, in order to conceal an opposite and polarizing flaw or wrong in ourselves. This statement is the first principle in a long beautiful process of understanding true Catholic Christianity. It is the "first brick" in an "entire cathedral" of Catholic historical experience that has transformed men and women into saints, foundations of Christ's Church in a history spanning more than nineteen centuries.

In current psychology it is called an "ego defense mechanism". But no, Sigmund Freud did not invent the concept. It was first spoken by Jesus in His sermon on the mount (Matthew chapters 5, 6 and 7). When we criticize another person, (yes, even when that other person is in our family,) we not only harm that other person, but we also destroy something vital in ourselves. I will develop this later, step-by-step, but for now, to begin with, remember: Without fail, every time and continually, whenever we criticize angrily or with sarcasm, we are subconsciously not seeking to change the other person, but are instead seeking to change ourselves in a way that is unhealthy. "Words we speak in anger, attack the very gift, the very strength in another, to hide that precise flaw or wrong in ourselves!"

It is like the art of using a divining rod. When a man cuts a limb from a tree, then uses it to find water in the ground. He walks around holding the forked branch with amazing sensitivity. Finally the man stops and proclaims, "Dig here!!!"

Then again, its like a large wooden ship built and placed on the water. As the waves hurl the ship about, tension and stress scatters about through the structure of the ship, and immediately each board directs tension and stress towards the large beam of wood that is positioned in the center of the ship to absorb that tension and hold the ship together. Without the large beam at the center of the vessel, the ship would fall apart and sink in the sea. In principle, the person criticized is the "beam of wood".

Have you ever wondered why it always seems that people criticize you in certain ways, but but do not seem to do so with others? The group can be your family, your neighbors, your work staff, your classroom, sports team, convent or profession. Sometimes it can almost feel like the whole world got together in a room someplace and decided to talk bad about you equally on the same topic! The reason is, bad criticism, even abuse, Does not happen randomly like a sawed off shot gun, but instead like precise electrical charges from negative and positive electrodes on a battery, the best inside you is attacked, accused or lied about, while the person correctly wrong hides their fault behind the actions of their targeting blame.

You might be a father who's strength is loving your children with all your heart. Yet, lies can be said, your character trashed, and bureaucracy be used to take your children away. You might be a wife who's gift is being patient, loving, innocent, yet experience night and day of being screamed at and humiliated falsely accused of being cruel, heartless, not good enough or not beautiful. You might be a responsible teenager who enjoys making up your bed in the morning, exercising God given responsibility as a natural character trait. Yet, a parent or guardian who is not responsible in an important area of his or her life, may nag and insult you continually for not placing a blanket, sheet or pillow case in the precise location that guardian insists is necessary at the expense of the responsible one's personal integrity replaced with shame.

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

Answer 2

1st. I hate it when others 'wish me to Have a Nice Day.'

On the other hand, I occasionally think that 'maybe s/he might actually mean it and not simply spout this as a platitude.

Yes, I can be 'too critical of others' (though i might challenger the 'too' part of it), although there is nothing intrinsically wrong with criticism (it's a bit like trying to tune an engine in order to get the best from it).

In itself is fine, but it's a matter of what the person doing the criticising is trying to do through it. If it is to beat down or belittle the other person etc, then that is likely to simply engender a round of attack and defence, attack and defence, and that spiral often resolves nothing (like the 'revenge killings' between families of old).

I've been criticised by someone who has not meant me any 'harm' in what they have said, in fact the reverse. And as a result, I've experienced much from a very different perspective and have been very grateful for it.

In turn, I like to try and do the same ...though sometimes, i do fail and simply revert to being 'human.'

But, my saving grace is that 'I do like to try'.

Sash.

Answer 3

It's always easier to look outside than it is to look in, looking at ones-self is something we only kid ourselves about. If one is over critical of others, and aware of it, and hasn't done anything about softening then perhaps not only does their false ego need relaxing, but also the reality that it is merely a 'gimmick' or 'layer of an onion' to present a hardened invincible/untouchable facade- (possibly designed to cover over feelings of perhaps secret low esteem, and a gentility in nature that should really be nurtured and expressed outwards) -that reality, could form an unconscious pressure, tightness over all of life. Where's the fear there, and what for? perhaps if people realised (sorry, soap box time) that they are never going to leave themselves and are trul;y the one companion that will be with them, loyally right thro it all, well if they could just glimmer that -as if it was someone else and not themselves....?. Also -
Basically if someone could have the self disrespect at a level where they could post such a question to others and not to themselves (as only they really know- and they already know too!) They have little self worth - which is much easier to take out on others. Displacement.
- That's my opinion, anyhow, people should give themselves a bit more of a chance and try to be the gentle, consistent and loyal person in their own lives, bit like being proper friends with themselves. Relaxing with one's self by paying close attention to the moment and not letting one's self down would leave plenty of room to allow for other's ways, maybe even be in a position to give genuine help from what they discover thus easing the twisty-face rucksack the next fellow feels like humping about too. ?

Answer 4

as you c the box that I'm writing from~dose it remind u that I'm doing an answer~while u are in question~in identical boxes~getting and giving guilt trips is an art~no one really got on to it till the companies & corporations needed input~pre~1960 was the preditor j.edgar hover~social control~good for americans but a whipping post of paid slavery to the behavioral scientist that would ink out the blanks with applied psychologies gleaned from war efforts to understand the arts of torture camps of the nazis & the japs~all were linked to self condeming by the applied sciences of big brother to get americans to do the work as cheap and patriotic as possible and then they would roll out a big white lie and play politican saying they would do this if we do that and they are paid and we are in the entrapment of the think tank, you may want to be able to hold your breath when thewy make their promises of the american dream cause it makes them feel good that we still get stigmatized by their desires to use us, and we don't even know which countries they are recruited from to run the think tank, is there any soviets in the wood pile as administrators of this persons problems?

Answer 5

paronoia is not good