We have been married for almost two years now.The love in our relationship is gone.
I am a very sexually inclined person, but I want nothing to do with my husband even touching me at all.
We have tried counseling, but he insists that the problem is MINE ALONE and that "he doesn't have any issues".I admit that I do have a couple issues, but I am working on them!He refuses to even admit anything other than he's perfect.... I realized after I married him that he is the ideal Momma's boy...all the way til he was 31!!When I met him.
He won't include me in financial decisions and I have had to fight tooth and nail to get him to tell me where my paycheck is going.
His family constantly treats me and my daughter like outsiders and they KNOW it hurts her. They just don't care. He doesn't stand up for us when they talk down to me about my going to school because "proper wives" don't do that, because if they really love their husbands, they would quit and get factory job.
2007-01-31 15:33:31 · 12 answers · asked by patti_jim_reynolds 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says I "don't need friends now that i'm married, I should be spending all of my time with him". I think it's unhealthy not to have any friends and it bothers me. He has also tracked the miles in our vehicle before which screams passive cotrolling tactics to me.I have completely shut down inside and no longer feel any love towards him. I am terrified of the person I have become and my family notices the difference as well. I am not the independent, bright, outspoken, young woman I was when I met him. I am dependent, self conscious, timid... and it scares the sh*t out of me! I don't want to lose me!
Is there hope when there is so much wrong and he doesn't care how I feel? I have completely shut down and no longer have any love towards him. Can you regain love when you don't know if you even WANT to?
2007-01-31 15:42:29 · update #1
I have tried to change to what I thought would be more acceptable but now I'm losing the best parts of me and it's still not helping.
My daughter is from a previous relationship, not from my husband. I told him that she will always be #1 so I have to look at this as what is best for her, and he has threatened SERIOUS physical violence before and we split, I told him I would take out a life insurance policy on him, then have him killed if he hurt her... so yeah I guess i hav anger management issues, but who wouldnt protect their child to the death?
2007-01-31 16:30:52 · update #2
You sound like a smart women - but you are doing something very foolish. You are ruining your own life & happiness. Further ... you are setting a poor example for your daughter and her future relationships with men.
I think you need a divorce and don't make the same mistake twice. Counseling would help you quite a bit. Find a counselor that deals specifically with women's issues.
I might suggest you check into the topic of emotional abuse, since it often leads to physical abuse down the road. Isolation is one of the first warning signs.
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm
http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/links.html
Patricia Evans writes wonderful books and try to find the one called The Emotionally Abusive Relationship and see if you can draw any parallels. I'll bet you can.
I am going to re-emphasize that I don't feel any woman would be treated well by him - and if I were in your shoes, I'd be out of there. It sounds like his formative years in his family have really twisted his idea of what relationships are all about.
2007-01-31 15:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look my dear, i fully understand what ur saying and yes all will tell u bail, divorce get out, i can only say this and that is u and your child deserve the best and only u can decide what u guys want for your future, so understand that life is to short and if's and buts dont help cause tomorrow u dont wanna say i should have, u decide what kind of life u want and go for it and that way u will find yourself and enjoy every moment of it, cuase it what u decided and not others. i'm sure u r beautiful and so is your child so and any fool who cannot see what a wonderful gift he has in the both of u, then that fool certainly does not deserve to be anywhere near u. dont be afraid and stand up for yourself, u only live once, take chances how else i u gonna find yourself and what u r looking 4.
2007-01-31 16:31:36 · answer #2 · answered by trial & error 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you want your husband touching you anymore? What is wrong here and with this picture? IF there is no hope for you marriage at all why are you still there? He is wrong however about saying that wives should not go to school. He seems kinda sexist. Are you getting counseling for you at all???
2007-01-31 15:39:29 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not even worth any i wouldnt even be surprised if you no longer want him
cause turns out he is a loser
a man who cant even protect his family
a man who has issues with his parents
you really should continue studying
get a job, know where your pay check is going
buy a new house,
forget that he exists
you dont need him and his family
youre a strong woman! i admire you for not wanting to have a factory job
2007-01-31 15:40:17 · answer #4 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I think it's not good for you. as woman you have rights to have friends going shopping, arranging family finance,etc. if your family always being interuppted by your mother in law then there is no harmonic family. but it's not wrong that you respect to your mother in law.
About your husband, may be you have to adjust your self to him but having a communication is very important. getting disvorce is not the best way. how about your daughter?? think about it!
2007-01-31 16:00:23 · answer #5 · answered by padeitan_chen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you have a husband who has no spine and won't stick up for you, then what good is he? It must be very frustrating for you that its a sexless relationship. I think you should listen to your intuiton on this matter. If your not happy and it certainly seems like your not, then maybe its time to bail.
2007-01-31 15:43:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hum, control freak,,,,you are an outsider to his family and will continue be until you submit to there ideas..open your own account with your next check, and move move on. He does not trust you and never will. He depends on what you can do for him, no love there.
2007-01-31 15:57:14 · answer #7 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not want any one to touch me who did not belive in me or stand up for me. If you are not sure what to do...think about what is right and fair to your little girl who has done not a thing wrong. You know what you need to do
2007-01-31 15:48:04 · answer #8 · answered by russellvero 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly you both have some real crzy issues get yourselves some help cuz this seems like its going to lead to something ugly and thats a bad thing for the family..
2007-01-31 16:02:57 · answer #9 · answered by xX-steve-o-Xx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is a real piece of work and has a really screwed up view of the world.
open a new checking account. keep your paycheck. start saving. look up your old friends. leave. start over.
2007-01-31 16:10:03 · answer #10 · answered by j_mang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋