My husband and I have been together for 7 years coming up in March. For the past month or so he has changed so much. Today he told me he talked to one of his Marines and they suggested maybe he's going through the 7 year itch, he thinks he may be. This is my first time hearing of this. My husband is a big fisher and he's been going nearly everyday, occasionally he'll take the kids, but mostly he just goes with his friends. He has mixed his priorities all up. Fishing has come before everything including his children. He says he is just trying to show me he can do whatever he wants whenever he wants, which hello, any of us can, the wiser ones choose not to. It is like he is rebelling against our marriage, I don't get it. Has anyone gone through this themselves or with a spouse? I have not changed, I am not controlling, I don't get it. I just want my husband to spend time with me & our kids.
2007-01-31
14:21:17
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18 answers
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asked by
Happy
3
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I may being traeted like I'm stupid but I'm not, I have shown up numerous times and found him fishing every time either alone or with his guy friends, and most of the time he is bringing fish home, so I do believe he is really fishing.
Also as far as going to the gym and all that stuff, I am still young, in great shape, have nice clothes, do my hair, makeup daily. I switch things up in bed, take care of the house, our 2 kids during the day, plus 2 that I provide care for. I have hobbies. Thanks for the ideas still. :) So I really don't know what else I can do to spark his attention, we are a military family and far from our families, so we don't exactly have an available babysitter, but I do what I can. Thank you all for your advice.
2007-01-31
14:43:56 ·
update #1
You should seek counseling ASAP. This is the beginning of the end if you don't. Something is bothering your husband that he isn't talking about. As a man, I can attest to the fact that we usually don't. Women talk about everything, whether they seek advice or not. Men tend to internalize everything and ponder a solution. This what we are doing when you ask us what's wrong or ask us what we are thinking about and we say nothing. To us it is nothing, because we do not consider it to be any of your concern. By this I mean we do not want to worry you with it. We can and will work it out. The problem is that we unrealisticly expect the same from you. You are not wired that way and should not be expected to deal with things as we do. The way things are now days, our way doesn't really work for us either.
Your husband should be there for you and his "whatever he wants, whenever he wants" statement is a huge red flag. For some reason, he feels intruded upon or held back from something. Either way, it is a warning sign that should not be ignored. He has a right to do what he likes, but he does have a family and the responsibilities that go along with it. Please talk to him and try to get him in couples counseling. You may have to get ugly or even threaten to take the kids and leave but if you love him, it will be worth it in the end.
2007-01-31 14:48:58
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answer #1
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answered by adam62471 2
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they say there is a thing called the seven year itch but i think that is just an excuse .at some point in time in the marriage you will have problems with wanting to be a lil free of responsibilities and so forth like u said anyone can do what they want the wiser choose not to .my x did the same thing he tried to say it was cuz i was controlling but i was not controlling i wanted my husband to help with our kids and spend time with them and me ,he didnt he kept putting freinds and other things before us .i put my foot down we would fight well i couldnt take it anymore we sep and divorced .now that dont have to happen with you if he is willing to compromise .really does he need to fish every day .can he skip it .why cant he do things with u all and go places with all of you .why men feel that they can do what ever they want when ever they want when they are married with kids .if that is what he wants he should of stayed single .i would suggest marriage counseling also make sure there isnt something bothering him (drug use ,work related problems,anything that may be making him feel less of a man where he feels the need to assert his self as a man and can do what he wants etc.......) but other than that i really dotn know what to say i put up with it since the day i got married to my ex and each year it got worse til after 11 yrs of marriage i just couldnt take it anymore.everything and everyone else came b4 his kids and I .and even now after being sep and div for 2 years nothing has changed he is still the same as he was before.i wish u luck in this .
2007-01-31 14:39:13
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answer #2
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answered by blackfoot124 3
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Try going fishing with him the next time. Let him know you and the kids want to fish. Maybe you can swap time with another mom and spend some time alone out with him, no mention of children or anything else to do with the service. My husband found that by going on a date once a month we were able to get past our troubles. Sometimes we just need a reminder who the person is that we fell in love with.
2007-01-31 15:27:03
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answer #3
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answered by desiree c 3
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Maybe I'm confused, but my understanding of the phrase "7 year itch" is related to a man having an affair, not a man who wants more "me" time. So it's not the 7 year itch.
But it is true that guys have to have time to themselves...and if they don't get it they get cranky and useless in a relationship. Unfortunately, it sounds like he's trying to make up for lost time.
If everything else is ok in your relationship, then talk to him about this, let him know you support his having time to himself, but if he overdoes it then it's not fair to you, as it leaves you with 100% of the parenting duties with no break. If that gets no response, confront him on the idea that he's putting his time ahead of his family, and there will be consequences...not a threat, just the reality of the situation.
2007-01-31 14:49:10
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answer #4
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answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5
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Who knows you did marry a marine we need them but i have not met one i thought was responsible when there was not some other kind of authority figure in the picture. there is a reason when we hit ports the marines have to be in groups of 7 with and officer or senor NCO in every group but the sailors can go out in groups of any two people even the two lowest raked people can go out together. They have crazy ideas if he thinks he has a 7 year itch then the problem is he thinks he has a 7 year itch. One of those self fulling prophecies you know.
2007-01-31 14:27:34
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answer #5
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answered by thatoneguy 4
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Yes, and you can do what you want too. Start making yourself scarce, esp. at dinner time. Even if you have to hire a sitter. Fix yourself up real pretty and go out to dinner with a friend or relative. Be careful, don't get into trouble with men or anything. Just have a good time. Show him you are still attractive and that you can have fun without him. If he doesn't like it tell him your friends say you must be going through the 7 yr. itch.
2007-01-31 14:28:53
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answer #6
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answered by crazywoman88 4
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There is nothing wrong with you it is all him if he so called has the 7 year itch and that is nothing but an excuse if you ask me. He needs to really get a life... Sounds like he is bored of marriage and of you... My husband is not saying that and we are married for 7 years going on 8.
2007-01-31 14:35:39
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answer #7
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answered by Lady Hewitt 6
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I think maybe some people experience change about this time in life (It happened to me at ten years) but some people look for an excuse to do what they want. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Yes, you could go out shopping, with friends, etc daily too but you want to spend time with him and the kids. Tell him to grow up and be responsible. Life isn't all about fishing.
2007-01-31 14:33:41
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answer #8
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answered by chemky1 3
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Unfortunately you can't change him, but you are still a person. Don't go man hunting, bad move, cause you still love him, he's just blowing you off. What I would do is... go on with out him, when you change he will too. If you were pissed off in a room of a bunch of happy people, you would soon be happy, if you are happy, going on with life whether he participates or not, and having a good time, he will change, cause he will want that too. So you carry on with life they way YOU want it to be, cause your happiness doesn't depend on him , and he will come around.
2007-01-31 14:39:53
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answer #9
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answered by Dannielle T 1
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that is not the 7 year itch
the 7 year itch is when he wants to go out and have sex with someone else
this sounds more like a midlife crisis of some sort
2007-01-31 14:47:01
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answer #10
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answered by zether 6
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