My husband and I are in the midst of divorcing and trying to get along. One night we have it out and I say somethings and he gets on his knees and cries, mind you this is nothing new. I'm at the point where I'm just so tired of arguing at this point, it doesn't even make sense, he never listened to me before and doesn't now so I'd rather just not argue. The following day he puts a tape recorder in our car and hears a conversation I have w/ my best friend about the night before and I tell her about him crying and on his knees and the whole thing. He feels I betrayed him by telling her and I don't because best friends are there to be your soundinig board to let you vent to calm you crack jokes and make light of a bad situation when needed. Your opinion on this would be great, thx.
2007-01-31 14:04:31 · 17 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off what about him invading your privacy by placing the recorder in your car without your knowledge ? Secondly, it was not betrayal, you were venting to someone that cares about you and how you are. Everyone has a friend they confide in. He really needs to get over it and grow up.
2007-01-31 14:11:37 · answer #1 · answered by jenny 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What a mess! No, there are some things even a best friend shouldn't be in on and your marriage is one of them. Your husband needs help. He should not have put the tape recorder in your car but you should not be laughing at him either. Until you are divorced you shouldn't be talking about him to anybody but your lawyer, unless it's here where nobody knows who either of you are. If you must vent, do it here.
2007-01-31 14:13:10 · answer #2 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's really an insecure guy, isn't he.... god, it would never occur to most people to put a tape in a car...
Your issue is not who you talked to, your issue is your soon -to be ex- husband, and the fact that your marriage is over... From the time you and he agreed it was over, it is indeed over --- feelings, shutting the hell up, protecting his reputation,yadayadadyaday......And from that point on, you do what you need to do to get comfort, to discuss what your future is, and how you should be planning it. Had this occurred while your marriage was intact, then, some of the sad things in a marriage we keep to ourselves, and discuss only with a counselor... Otherwise, who the hell cares?? Certainly you should not.... (From what you have written here, if any of it is true, he sounds like a control freak.... scary!!!!!)
2007-01-31 14:22:18 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly do not see anything wrong with having a friend you trust. Although it was wrong of him puting a recorder in your car, after all you all are divorcing right? Don't feel bad. You chose not be with the man. He will have to just forget about and it move on. It's easier said than done but if you two can not seem to work things out then what is the use. Don't sweat it and keep your head up. Good Luck!
2007-01-31 14:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by Shorty06 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is not betrayal. Best friends do share everything with each other or almost everything. You needed to let your feelings out without having to fight about it. You decided to vent to your best friend who yes you should confide in and your husband is upset at you for not talking to him about it when that will only cause an argument which you do not want to happen. You need to tell hubby this and if he doesn't listen just ignore him.
2007-01-31 15:54:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you tell people is NONE of his business: it is entirely your business what you say, and to whom you say it.
"he puts a tape recorder"; ..."he gets on his knees and cries.." (such HISTRIONICS!). He "projects" onto you, and blames you for his own bad behavior (in this instance his histrionic behavior) calling it a "betrayal" (he's trying to manipulate you - to control you) - by making you feel as though YOU are the guilty party in the entire marriage (nevermind just this single incident.) This man has never accepted responsibility for his actions: his behavior now is the same as it always as been: nothing is ever his fault! He is having extreme difficulty coming to terms, and moving on. This guy seriously has a SCREW LOOSE and I advise you to get away from him as fast as you possibly can. He has paranoid tendencies. I can tell he was very possessive of you and controlling. Be careful: I suspect this nutter is likely to become your stalker.
2007-01-31 14:39:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let me be totally honest with you. If your man is anything like me then he feels that deep emotional displays from him should be guarded and kept between you and him. As far as I am concerned the worst thing a woman can do to me is reveal to outside sources my times of emotional distress. They are very rare for me, but when they happen I expect the things that occurred to be treated like classified information. I guard my private life and inner emotions almost to the point of paranoia. So when my privacy or times of vulnerability are violated by a lover, I shut down completely. Women want men to give emotionally but will not protect and cherish those times (whether good or bad) enough to keep their damned mouths shut around friends and family. Your man has every right to feel betrayed.
2007-01-31 15:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
They just do not under stand that we can not hold every thing in all the time . But yes they do look at it as a betrayal and not at our sanatie , But on the other hand what would you say to him if he aired private things to others weather it was a male or female hay so I guess it is all in the way each of you look at it . GOOD LUCK TO YOU .
2007-01-31 14:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see this from both points of view. If he felt betrayed then maybe it just wasn't a good relationship. I think he needs to accept the fact that you are moving on. Good friends last a lifetime so it's normal to vent to them, I know I do. I agree with you about the whole friends thing. Completely and 100%
2007-01-31 14:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by *♥Jinx♥* 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I agree completely with you. he betraed you by putting a tape recorder in your car for staters.
but yes best friends are there to vent. and thats what you did.
you are getting a divorce (as am i) all you say is venting at least thats how i see it.
good luck, need to vent. im here! lol....
2007-01-31 14:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋