after years of ups and downs, good times and bad~ the love and desire to be together as well as our passion is strong! Tragically serious mistakes have been made by both of us and deep down there are resentments neither of us want to have ~but sooner or later they pop up and make it hard for us to trust or not think the worst~ How can we get past this and move on?
2007-01-31 13:55:49 · 10 answers · asked by hotgirllunn 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no instruction manual on this and as badly as I want to tell you that I believe we can forgive and forget,.. I can't honestly say it. I think that when your heart has been crushed by something involving the "love of your life", you just never let go. It'll fade with time, surely, but it will only take a small reminder to trigger those feelings of heartache and pain again. When that happens, you begin the fights and arguments, and then the entire healing process all over again.
It's equally hard, if not harder, to say that you can't get past it and that you need to take time apart. You have to make the decision though,... is it easier on you to "move on" and deal with it occasionally, or to just start fresh with someone else where you don't have the bad memories and trust issues? This is a question that you'll have to answer on your own.
2007-01-31 14:08:35 · answer #1 · answered by Justin W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When that trigger comes that brings up the past issues... acknowledge it and move on. Don't feel the need to discuss it with him, or to punish him for it years later. Remind yourself that your spouse has changed, and that they are no longer the same person that did that to you. Just as you've grown, so have they. When you can't help but think of it, spend 5 minutes (or 2) listing the reasons you decided to stick this marriage out in your head. Then show your spouse some sign of affection - a hug, a kiss, a touch on the shoulder, an "I love you". Act as if you've moved past these things... because you already have.
Remember, past wrongdoings can be forgiven, they cannot be forgotten. I'm sure the resentments are coming up less and less frequently as time goes on. Try not to give each other a reason to doubt - if you're going to be late, call and say why. If something comes up you think might be a trigger for him, explain yourself to him. If he's upset because you're going out with the girls and that led to problems in the past, go ahead and explain to him why it's different now.
Like I said, you HAVE moved on to some extent, just by staying together and surviving as long as you have.
2007-01-31 15:02:50 · answer #2 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The resentments are normal if you have been hurt. But if the hurtful behavior does not continue and if the guilty spouse has apologized, you should try to put it out of your mind. It's when the guilty spouse never admits the wrong doing and never apologizes that decay sets in. That can and does kill love and marriage. If you both have made mistakes, have said how sorry you are and did your best to make up for it and you still love each other then consider yourself fortunate indeed. Think of the happy times and go trom there. Good luck.
2007-01-31 14:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes l think you can, it is certainly not easy but with a lot of hard work, love , caring and honesty you can overcome any obstacles in your life and marriage. You both need to work on it 100% though or it will not work. We all make mistakes and we must all learn to forgive and eventually forget. Best of luck to you both.
2007-01-31 14:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two choices here...you have to let it go or choose to hang on to the bad memories. You'll never be able to forgive and forget unless you go thru a brain washing. You just have to put it behind and move on again either together or not. The choice is yours to make, choose wisely. I've been there, I do know.
2007-01-31 14:43:38 · answer #5 · answered by cuddles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, but it will take perhaps years of devotion and hard work to keep it going. Do not give up. Get help if you need to, clergymen are wonderful listeners if you don't want the stigma of going to a shrink.
Don't quit if you don't have to. Bad times are what really makes a relationship stronger. You wouldn't have mountaintops if you didn't have valleys. I know that's very clique' but it's also very true.
2007-01-31 14:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can if you choose to... Life is all about choices and choosing to forgive is a really good choice to do and forgetting comes with time and healing. Yes you can get past this and move on if you choose to. You may need help and counseling to help get past this.
2007-01-31 14:18:56 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really understand where you are comming from.my husband and i did this to each other and we are still happyly married for 30 yer's. but it took alot of mending and back to respecting each other. and oh my gosh the resentments were just awful. though it was very hard and sometime's hurtful i sometimes still like just walking out of the marrige. but i did'nt. and i'm glad.at the time we were 28 (me)him 32..and now we are (me)46 him 50.....so hang in there . oh yeh we got counsuling from church . but it was really up to us what we wanted.once in great whial i ask myself if we wouldnt have workd on our marriage where would i be now. but god had a plan. and god has a plan for you to....
2007-01-31 14:29:13 · answer #8 · answered by dounut 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now which you're humble and repentant, pray and ask Him for education and ask to be conscious of Him. you do not could worry, you do not could be suitable, you merely could shop the commandments as ultimate you are able to and repent once you're making a mistake and fasten it. Pray, and permit Him to be your convenience and your pal and to lead you and instruct you. He does forgive us, merely like a parent is chuffed and forgives as quickly as a wayward toddler starts residing authentic and is sorry for their silly previous. The undesirable section is that the wear and tear we've finished now and back can't be fixed. those that we could have harm do not swiftly substitute into healed through fact we are forgiven by God. i don't even care approximately myself, I merely desire the outcomes of my previous undesirable habit it incredibly is on others to pass away. i decide to repair issues I tousled yet that in the time of basic terms God can fix now : ( i be conscious of God incredibly does forgive. merely get on your knees and tell him.
2016-10-16 09:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love covers a multitude of faults.
2007-02-01 03:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by NC_Pianist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋