Am I being set up for failure?

Question

My ex-husband has custody of our 14 year old daughter. He lives in another state and has moved due to job reasons. He has left our daughter with his mother.

Now, he has asked me to come and take care of the child because his mother can not take care of her for too long.

I live in another state. I want to do what is best for my child.

If I go there, I don't want to take her without doing it legally. However, since he is not there it will be a long drawn out process in that he has to be notified and served.

However, he and his mother are suggesting that I live in the house until my child finishes school for the year. My ex will keep returning to the house every few weeks and we can see if we want to pick up our relationship.

I don't want to return to the relationship with the same problems. (emotional abuse), but I want to do what is right for my child. She does not want to move.

If I stay here, I will feel bad and if I go, I don't know if I can adjust.

Answer 1

Go back to your daughter... she needs you. While you're there with her, get the custody process started. I can't see it taking too long, since he essentially abandoned her (even if he did leave her in his mother's care). If you can, stretch your stay until the end of the school year - it's so much easier to start a new year fresh than in the middle. From there, you can work out a long term plan, with your daughter's input. Take her feelings into consideration when making your decision, but she's 14 - not an adult. You're the mom, your rules. Seeing her mom be emotionally abused is NOT in her best interest. If you want to make an attempt at the relationship, take it slowly, make him prove himself, and get into marriage counseling.
Just make being with your daughter your first priority.

Answer 2

No! #1 You should be in the same state as your daughter within visiting distance (not going to tell you how far). #2 You don't owe your husband the time of day (especially if he was abusive). #3 Do whats best for your child do not move into your ex mother in laws house (to much control) and tell him to back off. No need to get the court involved as your daughter is fourteen pretty soon she'll be an adult. Don't give him a chance to screw up your life even though he's enticing you.

Answer 3

sorry, but I wouldnt go! If his mammy cant take care of your daughter then the daugther gets to come live with you when the school year ends.
Why would you quit your job and leave your house to go and move in with his mother.
For all we know, the 'lets get back together thing' could have been the carrot placed in front of you to get you to return.
For all we know, he might have two or three women where he lives now.
You will be miserable living with your mother in law.
Unless he has gotten help, the emotional abuse wont change.
Sometimes doing what is 'right' for your child is what is right for you.
YOu are the breadwinner in YOUR house, please dont give that up so that your daughter can go to her school.
If his mother cannot put up with your daughter for 6 months then she has to come and live with you
PERIOD
if your husband did not like that then he should have turned down his recent job
(women have been doing that for years)

Answer 4

isn't there any way u can get a job out there and make a new life for yourself. i mean wow i just had to give my 1 month old grandson to his mother back today and at first i felt bad but they just live 5 minuets away so i can just imagine how you feel. if you can walk away from your daughter then do it. but if you can be women enough to help her then i feel you should. pray on this. there is the alliance rights for children rights group that will help you get all your paper work done for you.(lawyers) or go to your legal aid and they will help you get custody for your child. you can do this well your up there with her.so don't cute your self short.