How Do I Get My Fiance To Understand That It Hurts Me When He Goes To Strip Clubs?

Question

My fiance has gone to strip clubs 3 times (that I know of) in 2006. It makes me very angry. He says he goes when his friends suggest it and he only goes there for some drinks. He says that he doesn't get any dances. He got mad when I called him out on it this time and he said that I don't trust him. I do trust him I just don't want him looking at strippers--how can I make him understand that?? We're getting married soon and I don't want a husband who goes to those kind of places--I've even contemplated not marrying him for this reason. I don't need the stress. I already had one stressful marriage where my ex husband was being shady I don't need another one. It just breaks my heart and makes me feel like I'm not good enough so he needs to look at someone else. I always do what's in the best interest of our relationship but when he goes to those places it makes me want to do something bad to hurt him. I told him if he goes to strip clubs I'm going to start looking at guys.

Answer 1

I would say that no matter where he is, it boils down to one thing. Either you trust the individual or you don't. anyone who has ever been in a relationship where cheating has occured knows one thing, their partner can be at work ,school , bar, strip bar, park, golfing, foot ball game, basebakk game , home, you get the picture, anywhere if that person wants to cheat that person will.
If you are projecting your insecurities onto that other person you will project them no matter where he or she is as well.
If you aren't worried about that person cheating, then what are you really worried about? Is it really that important if it isn't cheating?
If it is about how you feel about anything other than him or her then I think the problem lies within thyself. I am not a phycology major so anyone with a degree feel free to correct and please provide as much detail as possible, or a source for the information.
I think if you think he or she is going to cheat on you , don't marry. If you trust that person but by this line in your question (My fiance has gone to strip clubs 3 times (that I know of) in 2006)you do not, and maybe you have good reason not to. If on the other hand, the person gives you reason to trust him then I would wiegh the importance of the two conflicting feelings that you must have....

Oh and I just wanna ask the very few immature females who replied with "Leave him" with no other information, How many kids do you have out of wedlock?
How many times have you been married to a man and for how long?
Quote from Cat Williams "It's called SELF-ESTEEM, b#$%h. Noone can give it or take it away that is why it is call SELF-esteem."

Answer 2

You don't need to marry this guy unless you have a good, solid, trusting relationship. It's that simple. He isn't showing any consideration for your feelings. Sounds like he is immature, and I really think you deserve someone better than a guy who hangs out at strip joints - - - even if it is just once in awhile. You've been married before, right? Well then, you KNOW that marriage doesn't magically change a man. He'll still do the same crap after you are married. Really, is he worth the heartache? Don't keep ignoring the red flags on this one. Good luck and I hope you find a man that you deserve and that will make you very happy.

Answer 3

fianceiancé should not be doing things that hurt you. And giving up something that he does three times a year shouldn't be too difficult either.

However, the behavior that your fiancé has been admitting to really aren't that bad. Three times in a year, with friends would not be considered shady by most people.

If everything else in this relationship is strong, you shouldn't give it up over this. But he shouldn't let something so simple make this relationship weaker, either.

It sounds to me like you both could benefit from some professional help. Either a marriage counselor, or some kind of pastoral care would help. Let him know that you are worried about the relationship, that if you both can't work it out, then the relationship might suffer.

And if you have to, cry. That should get him to go counseling pretty fast.

Answer 4

That is a hard one. Some guys go with their guy friends once in a while and that is all. If it becomes a habit and he is spending money a lot I would be worried too. Luckily my man doesn't go to those places and I told him years ago that I would never want him spending our money on women.. i will gladly strip for him!
Why don't you go with him sometime? That might make him feel uncomfortable or why don't you go out with the girls to see some naked guys? Even just saying it to him how would he feel about that or if you hired a male stripper for yourself?

I wouldn't break up with him over this unless you see it as a problem/addiction and he is spending his time/money there instead of on you.

Answer 5

Let me tell you something... Your fiance isn't going to the strip clubs because his buddies want him to go. He's going because he's looking at females that he'll never have a chance with. It's called a fantasy world and your fiance seems to be caught up big time in one. Let him find out how it feels. Round some of your girlfriends up and head out to the next male stripper show in town. If he can do it then so can you right? If it's okay for him to look at naked girls and not think anythings wrong with that then I guess it's okay for you to look at naked guys! To tell you the truth I don't think your engagement is going to last much longer. He doesn't sound like he's ready to settle down. If he was, he would respect your feelings and know that wasn't the smartest choice to make when you're just about to get married. My opinion, you deserve better. Good luck.

Answer 6

Statistics say men that go to strip clubs always come home to their wifes or gf's that they love and thank god their with them. All the guys I talk to would never even fantasize being with strippers bc they think their dirty and have no self-respect for themself. So I would stop stressing out. I don't personally like nor understand why men go to strip clubs either bc they should be pleased with their girlfriends!!! Tell your bf/fiance that it bothers you and you don't understand it bc he has a girl that should be more attractive than those strippers any day AND even will provide love for them! If he doesn't respect your decision then maybe you need to rethink your relationship. If he loves you, he will stop going to the strip clubs.

Answer 7

First of all if you start to play games on hurting each other you should not get married at all. Secondly, what is the matter with stirp clubs, my husband and I go together quite a bit and enjoy the show, we even went on our honeymoon, whats the difference in that or looking at pics or porn, trust me honey in this day and age you have to keep some imagination going in the bedroom or the boredom sets in and its all over in a short time. Would you rather have a happy man or argue with him all the time??

Answer 8

First of all, calm down. Try talking to him in a non defensive manner. Sit him down and quietly (and logically) explain to him that although you trust him if hurts your feelings when he goes to strip clubs and that if makes you feel like you don't look good enough. Try and reverse it and ask him how he'd feel if you went to Chip n Dales a couple times.

Listen to him and why he goes. I understand places like that are "unattractive" and I held the same views until I went with my husband and realized that although there were half naked women-he still came home to me and it was a way to blow steam without being unfaithful.

Good luck!

Answer 9

And what was his response to you looking at guys? Was it, silence? Did he say something along the lines, like, that's fine? If so, that means, go ahead that just gives me more reason to do what I do. If you are being bothered this much by this, he knows it, and is only makes excuses, and doesn't stop, then you should really rethink this whole marriage thing. He will be like this throughout your whole marriage, and it wont just stop at strip clubs.

Answer 10

tell him that it makes you feel like you arent good enough for him.... Tell him he'll get a better show at home and the rest minus the diseases.... Explain to him how much it hurts you, and tell him that you cant be his wife if he keeps doing it because you have to look out for yourself, no woman should have to put up with that from someone who is going to be her husband.... But talk to him, and if he doesnt respond I think you know deep down what you have to do.... Because if you let him do this you will become his doormat and he will do what he wants to do even if it is hurting you... And if he says he only goes to be with his mates tell him they can do other stuff, like go to football or a regular bar or whatever... Good luck to you