How should I handle husband caught in a lie?

Question

I am 35 weeks pregnant my spouse and I decided to quit smoking. It was more on me than him(I am a home for our child) and he was going to cut back until he quit. I knew he was having a hard time , but proud of him. 6 months later he stopped, but took drags once in a great while. I am now 8 months pregnant and he's chewing gum (which he hates) wears lot's of cologne and keeping me out of his truck. I never have spied on him before but I felt he was hiding something. One morning he was asleep I went into his truck and found a 1/2 pack of smokes and lot's of empty ones. I handed him the pack and left it at that. He did say he was sorry. I have not responed(that was 2 days ago)Today reciepts were on our table I looked down and all of them were recent cigarette reciepts. Our friends and co workers knew he was smoking and keeping it from me. I feel like an idiot. Now with our son due in 4 weeks he tells me he has no intention to quit. why did he lie and what should I do.

Answer 1

Lying about anything in a marriage definitely breaks a trust and it will be very hard to believe him in the future. I would confront him tactfully about it and let him know just how you feel and that you are also concerned for the health of your baby and his health and see if maybe yall could seek help together. Good Luck

Answer 2

I think as mother, you feel more resposibility to do what's right for your child. I had the same issue with me ex. He was a smoker and I wasn't and one of the conditions to marry him was for him to quit smoking and he agreed. Well, I have to say I went through hell and back fighting over his smoking and never got anywhere,,, he too always lied abour it and hid it from me and of course us women always find things out on our own!

Anyway, the moral of the story is that deep down he really doesn't want to quit. He may have made a promise to you to keep you happy but unfortunately I learned that most times cigarettes are more powerful than love. Fathers some times don't feel as obligated towards the kids as much as mothers do. Just make sure if he continues to smoke to keep it outside and never inside since you'll be having small children in the house.

BTW, I agree w/everything "u-asked" wrote.

Answer 3

He lied because he didn't want to admit that he couldn't do what he said he could. As for the what should you do about the lie, let it go. I know that's very hard but trust me. Now, you still expect him to cut down and you don't want him smoking in the house. As I always say, we have to feel like we made this decision on our own. Ask him something like, "What are you willing to do about the smoking when the baby comes?" He sounds like a good enough guy. He might surprise you.

Answer 4

Well, i understand your issue as far as health for him and your baby. But the plain truth is, it could be worse.
I wouldnt divorce him or anything like that, but you dont have to tolerate it either.
If he refuses to quit, tell him he is not to smoke in the house or anywhere that the baby will be present after its birth (vehicles). Make him go outside and tell him that he needs to change clothes and brush his teeth before he gets close to you or the baby because it stinks.
The only thing you can do is make it unhandy for him. But dont be so dramatic that it drives a wedge between the two of you. You simply dont have a major issue here hun. But its one that bothers you because of his deceit. I would be most bothered that he chose to lie.
As far as dealing with that......he needs to understand your position on the deceit. There is never a good time nor an ok time to lie to your significant other. Regardless how small the issue, never lie. He needs to know your feelings on this, and once he has heard your point on the matter....drop it. Dont bring it up again, and start with the making it difficult for him to smoke bit.
It worked for me.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

He tried but couldn't stop smoking so he lied to make you feel good. Not everybody can stop even if they try their best, so let him smoke like a grown person can do legally. As long as he doesn't smoke in the house what harm is it doing to you or the baby when it enter the world?

Answer 6

smoking is a difficult vice to quit. its harder when you are under stress. since you are about to have a baby he said he was going to quit for you and the baby, but still he feels nervous about the newcomer, doesnt know how to act, and maybe its hard to get down with the idea of being a daddy. is normal. he lied to you so you didnt get stress from knowing he was smoking therefore causing some complications with the baby. you will have to tell him what you feel and let him know that second hand smoke is even more dangerous to women because it causes higher risks of cardiovascular problems heart, blood flow, etc. it will take time but he could settle down after the baby. so talk with him and let him know your feelings and dissapointments.

Answer 7

Smoking is no easy thing to quit. But he shouldn't of lied, that was wrong, and tell him that. Say I understand its no easy task to give up smoking, but for the health of our baby consider it. Hopefully he will sing a different tune when your baby is actually born and he sees the baby and realizes that he doesnt want to smoke around him/her. But overall sit down with him and tell him how you feel, the silent treatment is only good for a day.

Answer 8

You need to let that **** go! Really! If that was the only thing wrong with my relationship, I'd buy the smokes for my man.
I know it's not fair that you had to quit and he didn't. I couldn't have quit if I didn't have my little baby growing inside of me. He's probably stressed out with baby coming and everything. Let him have his smokes or he may try to assert his independence in way worse ways. Trust me. Tell him you understand why he lied and thank him for trying to protect your feelings and trying to be supportive of you being healthy for the baby. You probably would have lied too!

Answer 9

Smoking around a baby is not ok, but if he is only doing it in his truck and when he is out, can you live with that? If not, you need to talk to him about why it is so important to you for him to quit. but be patient with him. As you probably know, it is difficult to quit. If you can't come to an agreement, try a third party or a councilor to help you resolve your differences.

Answer 10

He probably wanted to quit. He should not have lied, but do you really want to make a big issue out of it. My hubby smokes, BUT since I do not smoke and I do not want our kids around it he has never(in 5 years) smoked in our home. I feel if he is going to smoke I cannot stop him, but I refuse to have me and our kids stinking and inhaling it. If he has been hiding it, he shouldn't have a problem not smoking around you. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE it if he quit simply for his health, but I have learned I cannot make him give it up. He has to do it on his own time. Good luck.