What should my husband be expected to do, while I am pregnant?

Question

I am 39 weeks pregnant and I am off work right now. My husband and I both worked full time shared the household chores before I got pregnant. Since the later months of my pregnancy I have had a hard time doing the chores that I did before. Not always but sometimes my back gets really sore when I do certain chores. Sometimes standing in the kitchen cooking for too long hurts my back too. Is it unfair to ask my husband to do more chores to help me while I am pregnant?
After I have the baby should I be expected to keep up with the same chore load as before?

There has been times that I have hinted to my husband that I don't feel well, or that my back hurts and he still expects me to cook or clean. I expect my husband to take my cues and help me out but he does not do that. It makes me feel like he does not care about me.

Answer 1

Keep in mind that your husband is a guy, and most guys don't pick up on subtle hints. I'm sure he cares about you a lot, but he just doesn't understand that you are asking him to do something. Try saying it straight out - "Honey, my back really hurts, do you think you could make dinner tonight?"

As far as the division of chores, your capabilities are going to be different as the pregnancy progresses and after the baby is born. Choose a calm time to sit down and figure out together what chores you can let slide, what you think you will be able to do, and what he can do.

SInce you both work full-time, what about hiring some cleaning help through the first few months of the baby's life? If you can afford it, that would probably be the best solution.

Answer 2

Being a mom is a full time job - just ask one, she'll tell you. When there's no children involved, and a couple both work full time, a 50/50 split of chores is fine... the birth of a child temporarily changes the rules completely.
Now that you're not working (except for all the internal stuff, your body getting ready to deliver and all that fun), your husband's feelings are probably that now you have all this time, you should obviously have no problem keeping up with the chores you did while working full time. He's never been pregnant, so he can't understand the physical drain it's taking on your body... no matter how many times you explain it.
For the last weeks of pregnancy and the first weeks/months (ok, years) of the baby's life, you're going to have to prioritize - chores that NEED to be done, chores that should be done, chores that can be done if there's time, and chores that really aren't necessary. Be realistic about what you can accomplish, and build your lists based on that. Can the sheets stay on the bed an extra few days? Can you vacuum/mop half as often as you used to? If there's ones that are important to him, but not you, let him handle them.
Once you've had the baby and have settled into a routine, I'm one of those old fashioned types that feel that if you're home all day (yes, I know, you're not sitting on the couch watching soaps and eating bon-bons) and he's out at work, the home is primarily your responsibility. Obviously, there are some things he'll take care of, but the majority will fall to you. (I know, that's gonna get me a bunch of thumbs down, that's ok) I work part time, dh works 60+ hours a week... I wouldn't imagine asking him to cook or do dishes... but he wouldn't ask me to mow the lawn or change the oil in the car, either.
Sit down together and make those lists. If you don't discuss it now, it's going to develop into resentment on both your parts... and lead to numerous screaming matches or silent treatments.

Answer 3

I have 2 kids and after the 1st one I stayed home for 7 months and my husband worked long hours so I took care of the household stuff. When I went back to work we shared the chores after I had the 2nd I quit working and am a stay at home mom so I again take on most of the chores. My husband does help out if he sees I need it. I figure since I am home all day I should be doing that stuff. I think after the baby is born you are going to need help though it is hard to keep up with everything and you will be tired. My husband took a week off after both kids and was a big help. I think your husband will see how hard things are and start to help, mine did.

Answer 4

It sounds like your husband needs to be helping you out some more. Believe me, when your baby comes home and after the grueling longest night of your life, you will not feel like doing any chores. It is gonna be hard to get back in the groove, so don't feel bad if you slack on house work. That baby is first priority and the dishes can wait. No, that isn't unfair to ask him to add on the load. Unless he's gonna have the baby for you, you better ask for help. And you're due any day!!! Don't be too proud to ask family and friends for help too. But another thing that you can do when the baby comes home is to start a schedule. Every other nap sleep when the baby sleeps, then in between clean a lil bit here and there. But the most important thing for the few weeks when you're home from the hospital is to relax and take care of that baby. How is he gonna help if you don't make him more responsible? And that's gonna hurt you in the long run because this is the time where you need to be off your feet as much as possible getting as much rest as you can, because when baby's on board, mama's gonna get tired and worn out reeeaaaaaaaaaallllly quickly. And it will take you a while to get back into your normal routine as far as house chores and stuff, so gradually get back into it and just make out a schedule when you know your baby's feeding times and nap times... But girl you are crazy if you don't let your husband know. If he is concerned for you and loves you, he will pick up your slack. Because you're toting a baby for 9 months will never equal up to him helping out with some house work...

Answer 5

i dont think they is much need to asking this question anymore. your baby could be born at anytime. I am 37 weeks my husband helps more with chores now than before i got pregnant. He helps mostly with laundry. My washer and drier and in the basement and i have trouble taking the laundry from the second floor down there and back up. My husband also cooks sometimes. After the baby if you return to work and you both take turns getting up at night i think you should do what you did before. But if your the only one getting up and your working then he should help more. If you dont return to work you should do more. And right after the baby is born resting is more important than the cup in the sink or that towel on the floor. you can do those things later.

Answer 6

i can understand not being able to do the same things you could before and he should understand that too, but at the same time you almost sound like you are looking for excuses to "milk the system". you're pregnant, not a princess. if cooking makes your back hurt, cook something simpler or sit down occasionally. no, you shouldn't have to do the same amount of chores when the baby gets here, but only for a few weeks depending on the delivery. how many chores do you have to do anyway? there seriously can't be that many. i worked up until the day i had my first child. right now I'm 28 weeks and i work a full and part time job. i shoveled snow last week. anything is possible if you stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to do it.

Answer 7

He should be there for you.... He shouldn't be your slave, but he should understand that your lives are different and you are going through something difficultu right now... Maybe ask your husband too cook dinner twice a week.... You can cook 3 times and maybe you can get a frozen meal or go out the other two nights to kind of compromise... IF your back hurts then he shoudl do the cholres becuase you don't want to injure the baby.. For example you don't want to be using ammonia, so maybe your husband should do things like wash the windows or the floor...
Wehn you have the baby you are not going to be able to follow the same chore routine, becuase the baby is going to be your number one responsibility.Your body will probably be tired.. and so you won't be able to maintain the same chore load. Try to strike a compromise with your husband. Maybe if you do chores, he ahs to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your child. You really can't plan your post baby life becuase you don't know your baby's sleeping eating and other schedules yet, your husband has to be willing to help, and eventually you will find a groove that wokrs
Congrats on the baby !

Answer 8

You need nothing but support from your man. He should have no trouble picking up the slack with chores. He should do as much as possible to secure your comfort. After the baby is born who cares if some of those chores are not done as often or not done at all for a few weeks. Your baby is what you should both focus on. It's a learning experience and you both need to learn together.

Answer 9

I think that of course he should help, and hopefully he already has. But he can't read your mind, and I find that my husband does better with very clearly defined requests. Also, in the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I streamlined cooking, used paper plates, ordered lots of takeout (you can also purchase prepared foods at the grocery or just visit the salad bar), and continued making things as easy as possible for a few months after the baby as well. Finally, and I know this may be controversial, but since I was home with the baby, I had my husband sleep in the guest room during the first few months. Why? Because I felt that at least ONE of us should be well rested, and why not the one going to work every day? I saw absolutely no reason for him to get as little sleep as me. I was breastfeeding, so I had to get up anyway. This way, he was rested enough to handle all the other household duties, and I got to stay in bed and enjoy the baby! He also prepared all the meals after the baby came, and arranged for the laundry to be done. Some things didn't get done as often as I would have liked, like housecleaning, but this system worked really well for us. And he was very anxious to get back into our bed at night after about 6 weeks. Good luck and enjoy your new baby, and your husband!

Answer 10

It is completely fair....My husband always works 15 hour days so I mostly do everything and always have. He will jump in there if he sees something that needs to be done, but I dont ask him to. I am 36 weeks, and my husband is really good at helping out even though he is dog tired! You will probably want to do a bunch of stuff after the baby, but I would just let it go for a while so you don't wear yourself out.