I may not approve of them being like that but they are saying "will I love them any less if they were like that"?. Of course not, but I would love to see them mature and have a family of their own. And most of all I want to see their children as well and have grandchildren. But I don't know how to encourage them to lead a normal life like men and women do.
2007-01-31 11:33:22 · 15 answers · asked by majeck 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Both are homosexual?? What a double bummer.... erm, no pun intended.
2007-01-31 11:39:15 · answer #1 · answered by Oliver T 4 · 0⤊ 8⤋
Get involved with PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. This is a great organization full of other parents just like you.
What you are saying is that you don't believe they are mature, and are being childish by accepting their homosexuality. You are also saying that homosexuals don't have family's, and you will not have grandchildren(something that can happen with heterosexuals as well). You are also saying that they don't live a normal life.
I'm not surprised that they believe you love them less, because you are voicing a whole lot of conditional love there. "I will love you more if you give me what I want and not what you want).
Don't mean to be harsh there, just trying to reword what you are saying so that you can see what they are hearing.
I know you are disappointed, but your kids are your kids and the fact that one is a gay man and the other is a Lesbian, isn't going to change because you aren't happy with it.
So your choice is to either accept them and get to know them for who they really are (cause they have been this way all their lives, didn't you notice?), or walk out of their lives. Do you want to lose your children? You will and you will also live a very lonely life as you age. Don't be pig headed, nothing has changed but your perception.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-31 13:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your son is still a man and your daughter is still a woman. The first thing to recognize (and you probably already have) is that there's a lot going on there that you don't understand. The first step is educating yourself, and dealing with your own issues. PFLAG is pretty good for that; I'd definitely look into a local chapter. (They still can mature and have a family of their own, and you still can have grandchildren; for the most part, they can lead a "normal" life if that's what they want. The only abnormalities come from legal and social restrictions from society.)
By educating yourself, your children will see that you ARE actively trying to understand them, and I think that would go a long way towards showing them how much you love them.
When you say you still love them, but you don't love that part of them, you are in fact loving them less because you're not loving them in whole. We can debate the truth of that statement, but what matters is that that's how its percieved. That's how THEY will feel, no matter what you say.
2007-01-31 13:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's nice to see someone that is trying to make an effort. There is no set hard and fast rule for reaching out to your gay and lesbian children. Just the fact that you already know you wouldn't withold your love from them is huge. Not all parents are capable of doing that. Granted I've never had to deal with this personally from your perspective but from the other side I know how it is. My parents were pretty devestated when I told them of my orientation and like you they worried about how far I could go in life not being "normal." They mourned not having grandchildren before I was even in a relationship with anyone. They assumed all the worst possible scenarios and in some ways were more distant than they had previously been.
Of course this led to me having doubts about myself and wondering if maybe I couldn't just try to be straight for the sake of making the people that gave me life and so many advantages happy. It didn't take long to realize that just wasn't possible and I had to be who I am or suffer the consequences.
As time went on my parents began to realize it wasn't as big an impediment as they perceived. I went on to serve in the military, finish college, get a good job, and settle down with a person I was totally in love with. I was happy. When they saw how happy I was being me and that I was in fact able to lead a good successful and by all accounts normal life they were able to overcome many of their fears. They even have the grand daughter they always wanted because altho my partner and I can't have children on our own, adoption is available and they love our daughter as much as we do.
The thing to remember is regardless of their sexual preference all the things anyone can do they can do as well. Just continue to be open and accepting and love them and things will work themself out. Just knowing you support and love them is as big a thing as you can do.
2007-01-31 11:55:01 · answer #4 · answered by bi_tgrl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your son is gay and your daughter a lesbian your not going to encourage them to lead a heterosexual life without damaging your relationship with them and most likely you will end up pushing them away.
So the best thing you can do is accept them for who they are and love them all the same. Anyway just because there gay or lesbian doesnt mean you wont have grandkids.
Anyway there are benefits to having gay and lesbian kids, you should learn to appreciate those too.
2007-01-31 11:41:31 · answer #5 · answered by Sam L 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, thats great that your love is unconditional. Although, you want them to lead a normal life for your benefit. Thats what you envisioned in your mind. Your kids to grow up with families, children, grandchildren the white fence in front of their small ranch home.
If you truely love your kids you'll see that loving them is all you can do. You kids are normal. They just have a different trait. they will still have a family. and most gay couples even have children. Don't encourage them to change there lifestyle only for your selfish benefit. Let your children be happy. and love them for who they are.
AFTEr all the gay gene was in you or your husband. ponder that one if you will.
2007-01-31 11:48:14 · answer #6 · answered by digitaldancer22 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays (PFLAG) is a national non-profit organization with over 200,000 members and supporters and over 500 affiliates in the United States. This vast grassroots network is cultivated, resourced and serviced by the PFLAG national office, located in Washington, D.C., the national Board of Directors and 13 Regional Directors.
2007-01-31 12:51:43 · answer #7 · answered by mabster60 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some times you have to except some things. You spoke of wanting to see grand childern and all that. How many Gays or lesbians have you seen who have childern. I know two woman who did have childern by artificial insimination. I all so know two men who adopted childern. Just because they perfer some one of the same sex does not mean they can't enjoy that part of life as well as you enjoying their childern they have ion this manner. All I csay is don't close any doors because of what saciaty has labled as wrong. Soom people are more comfortable being with some one of the same sex.
2007-01-31 11:49:16 · answer #8 · answered by bi_anna58 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You love your children and want them to be happy. They will not be happy with you "encouraging" them to lead a so-called "normal" life.
Parents have a preconceived notion as to how their children will be. A good parent learns to put aside their own personal disappointments and accept their children for who they are. Be a good parent.
2007-01-31 11:49:07 · answer #9 · answered by castle h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is just as possible for people to be gay and settle down and raise kids. Your children can live "normal" lives with a partner of the same sex. As for your hopes and dreams, no child lives up to all their parent's expectations.
2007-01-31 11:46:30 · answer #10 · answered by carora13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God made them they way they are, there is nothing that you did or can do. Just accept them for the way they are and be glad that they felt comfortable and secure enough to tell you. Now prove that they didn't misplace their trust and be supportive of them because they will get enough of people trying to convert them and telling them that they are doomed to born in hell without their father just trying to ignore fact.
2007-01-31 13:03:49 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋