best way to fight that empty feeling?

Question

I am breaking off my engagement due to my fiances disinterest and disrespect for me, and although it is the right thing to do, I just can't shake this empty pain that I feel left deep inside. It is like a feeling of how everything that we shared meant nothing to him and it only did to me. He doesn't care if I am around or not and made that more than clear, he has cheated on me, and it took me a while to learn this, so I feel totally f***ed on and I feel a bit mentally wiped. Anyone else feel this way? How do/did you shake it?

Answer 1

Unfortunately that is just part of the whole process. We all take varying amounts of time to get through this process and I don't think there is any magic solution to make it go away quickly. Give yourself credit for the effort that you made, the things you learned about yourself and relationships. Apply what you learned during this relationship to the future in hopes of making better choices and for better success in nurturing a relationship. Just don't be too hard on yourself. You know there will be someone else and better times ahead, there always is, if you let it happen........

Answer 2

I (FINALLY) ended a very bad 15 year marriage a number of years ago. I didn't hate my husband- he had just been so "absent" for so many years- physically and emotionally- that all I felt towards him by then was disinterest. After I moved out, though, after a couple of weeks on my own, I was just convinced that I HAD to go back to him and the marriage. I had that same "empty pain" that you described. I talked it over with a friend who happened to be a psychologist and he explained that the death of a relationship is similar in a lot of ways to the death of someone you love in that it's so final, and that there is a certain amount of "mourning" involved.
There are usually feelings of things-left-unsaid or undone, there is a huge feeling of loss for the relationship, questions about whether if you had acted or reacted differently maybe things would have turned out better. From what I read, you are out of a relationship that was pretty toxic for you. Your ex sounds like a selfish, lying, cheating self-centered jerk, and honey, you are SO much better off now that he's out of your life. And that's what you have to do- throw yourself 100% into living. Do stuff with your friends and family, buy some new clothes (shoes were always a great cheerer-upper for my sister!), take a class in something that interests you, whatever. Just don't let your ex cheat you out of any more happiness than he already has.

Answer 3

yes it does hurt, takes awhile, just doesn't happen overnight. we can't make people care for us or the things we care about. if he has cheated on u he definitely doesn't love u. first u must distance yourself from this person, stop talking to them, and just be glad u didn't marry him and find all this out 10 years from now, after the children, the house, the cars, all the stuff, just be glad u can get out of this relatively clean. than start over again, and know u made the right choice here, so many of us go into a marriage and never really know the person till after we are already in the marriage. alot easier to move on now, than later. will take a while to shake it, he tramped on your heart, and he isn't the person u thought he was , that has to hurt if u have any kind of heart at all. just give it some time, as the pain is a teacher, and maybe next time u meet someone u will be able to spot a bad one before u make a commitment.

Answer 4

I've been there, darlin. It sucks and it takes time but honestly,(not to sound like my grandmother) the best thing to do is to keep busy. I started taking a mambo class to forget about a guy (I totally had two left feet) and now it's one of the best parts of my life. I would never dream of giving up a dance night for anything, it is a new passion of mine and it has given me confidence in other areas of my life. Do something you've always wanted to do, take some risks and REFUSE to waste ANY days of your life on some jerk who didn't value you the way you deserve to be valued. Above all else, do NOT sit alone with your thoughts right now. You'll just eat yourself up inside. Keep busy and try something new! Good luck and I'm there for you!!

Answer 5

You solve the "empty" problem just like anything else that's empty.......you FILL it up! Now, I'm not over-simplifying your situation, but you have to find something, or someone, to fill the empty times. Not necessarily a love interest, cause you're not ready for that, but friends, co-workers, going out and having fun. Live your life to it's fullest. Do things YOU enjoy! Good Luck!! It WILL get better!

Answer 6

You're going through withdrawal. You may want to consider an anti-depressant for a while. If that's not up your alley, here's what worked for me:
-Listen to great music that makes you want to dance (chose songs that don't remind you of him)
-Watch comedy shows. Laughter is awesome!
-Talk about your situation with friends who'll respectfully listen.
-Stay away from cafeine and junk foods. They have stimulants which make it harder for you to relax and sleep.
-Find entertaining things to do to keep your mind stimulated. You may trick it into not dwelling by keeping it busy with other stuff.
-Get a massage, spa treatment, whatever is up your alley. Physical release of stress helps the mind.
My best wishes for you. Congratulations on making this choice now and not 6 years from now with divorce proceedings. Best of luck to you!

Answer 7

i've never had anything on that scale. but go out with friends, if you sit around you'll keep thinking about it. definately hold off on hooking up, dating and all that for a while, because you're obviously not in the right position to.

Just go out with friends, maybe talk to some old ones, stay busy!

Answer 8

Take up para-sailing, splurge on that vacation you have always wanted, color your hair and get extensions then go out with your friends bar hopping and flirt it up with every man you meet, volunteer at a charity drive, etc. Basically, keep yourself so busy you don't have time to think about that cheating MAN HORE!! It takes time. Because as they say, "Time heals all wounds." And take comfort in knowing, "Time wounds all heels!" Good luck, sista! Hang in there. It get's better.

Answer 9

never felt this way but i think the best think to do
is chill out with sum really strong female friends and stay away from the dating scene until this pain subsides.... the worst thing u cld do is rebound .......by the way u seem like a strong woman i m glad that u realize what he is doin to u and u are makin an active descion to pull ur self away from hurt

Answer 10

everybody feels that way at some point. there is nothing you can do but wade through it. don't do something silly like hurt the guy or become promiscuous. maintain your self respect and go on with your life. consider yourself lucky that this happened before you were married with a child and assets. it gets real ugly then.