I need reviews on a poem I wrote. Please comment?

Question

Title: Leaving Me To Face The Lies
Written by a 14 year old girl


I have been facing a brick wall of lies for days now

Without a single person wondering of my motives

Nor without any questions of turning back to the real world

This is the punishment that I have chosen for my sins

And I will serve it without a single word of complaint

Maybe someone will notice me standing here alone

Or someone would care to look up for a change instead of down

This is a crime that I comitted so willingly, so freely

Is that of the upmost severity and is looked down upon

The horrible deed that I did was allow you to steal my heart

I allowed you to guide me past the darkness, towards the light

But when all was revealed to everyone, you fled in terror

Without a word of apology or vague explanation

You left me alone to their cruel eyes, the tyrant's stare

And I was trialed an unfair trial and sentenced to

A life of solitude, a life of silence, and life of songless breathing

So I stand here alone, shunned by the world of good and

I am not a welcomed resident of the pits of Hell

Not a holy, sinless person, walking through the gates of Heaven

And now I dwell in the forest of evil that even now, is lost eternally

So now, I just sit here and wait for a final resolution

I just stand here and stare as everyone passes by me

Forever wondering why you left me when I needed you most.

Answer 1

Brilliant poem, absolutely wonderful. However I think you can add more details about your feelings, about the situation and being in the position you are. Other than that brilliant, absolutely brilliant, word choice is excellent, the flow of the poem is excellent, and it dos what any good written thing should do; affect the reader personally. However, you do have punctuation flaws; the end of each stanza should have a period, and each complete thought or statement should have a comma at the end of that complete thought or statement. I might be on later to add some more recommendations because I know your not done with the poem (I'm not saying you have a flaw in the conclusive line, it's just that I don't see a period at the end of the words "sentenced to," if you really are done, it is definitely a punctuation flaw.)

I see the rest of the poem, good, just check your punctuation! You have a future as a poet missy you should publish!

Answer 2

Very nice. I like it a lot! It vaguely reminded me of the book The Scarlet Letter, for some reason. *Shrugs* Probably because I just finished reading it. Anyways, fantastic job. Keep writing!

Answer 3

every pieces of poem is nice. i like reading them.

Answer 4

prity deep man

Answer 5

nice.... you sound pretty lonely and broken hearted though