rate my poem?

Question

moments in my life....

He waited for me at the stairs,
Felt like I hadn’t seen him in years.

I was wrapped up in silk scarves,
Smelling of Japanese perfume,
All I could think of was being wrapped in his arms,
Like a bracelet and I was his favourite charm.

Down the spiral steps I went,
Full of wonder and excitement.
Did not see his face at first,
He saw my legs and denim skirt,
Then I saw him in that shirt.

We both began to laugh when we finally saw each other in full view,
So many things I wanted to say,
And do,
But I was too busy being in love with you.

Few moments in my life have been as special as that,
The fact is you already knew that,
And that’s why I’m so lucky to have you.

Answer 1

I would change the ending a little bit but otherwise it was REALLY good!!!!!!! Just don't slip between "him" and "you"

Answer 2

I like to write, too- more song lyrics, and it's a hobby...
anyway, I think you've got good use of imagery.
You have one time, one place, one theme.
To tell true, it's a good start... and if it's part of a larger story, it's a nice touch. Taken by itself, there's nothing profound, there's nothing that changes my view of the world, nothing moving about it.
Also, you change perspective-
the person is a he, and then a you?
Unless, you didn't change it, and you ended up rejecting this person you hadn't seen, because you were in love with the person you had been speaking to?
No, I doubt that, it was a pre-arranged date.
OK, you get the idea.
Please keep writing.
And always write for yourself, too, no matter what any of us say.

Answer 3

is this for your valentine?
it sounds very special, but I don't like the title "Moments in my life" try something more romantic sounding. If it is for a Valentine name the poem after him like "Johnny"
I don't really like the denim skirt-it sounds harsh in comparison to the soft scarves, but if this was written about something that actually happenned and you were wearing a denim skirt I gues its ok. Overall it is super sweet and I wish I could write something so romantic however nothing that romantic has happenned to me yet..

Answer 4

I loved it on a scale from 1-10 i would give you a 11

Answer 5

Poems don't always have to rhyme; and this is a topic ALWAYS addressed in MUCH the same way. But despite that, it's pretty good.

Answer 6

Is this your 1st its good out of 100% I'd give 64%

Answer 7

just because something rhymes doesn't mean it's poetry, there's far too much I, Me,You and not enough metaphor, want to make it special? Add a little ambiguity to it and don't be in such a rush to come out and say something obvious

Answer 8

wow, i think that's pretty dang good, should enter it into a poetry contest, or something like that, could get published, id give it a 10, keep on writ ting, make a whole book, could be calling for you-if you like doing it? great work, thanks for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Yeah it's not bad

Answer 10

amazing...i would give u 10/10