This is my second gothish poem. Tell me what you think.
Title: Eternal darkness
As i bask in the sun of death it slowly takes me away
the wind of the eternally perished reigns over me
and throws me into a dark frigid cellar that engulfs my weakened body
the cranking of the chains lifting me off the cold and unforgiving floor
as i dangle so helpless the rats gnaw the skin from my bare feet
my body aches as the life leaves my submissive tomb
and my withered corpse sways in the darkest of corners.
2007-01-31 09:44:06 · 27 answers · asked by Barrel_Racing_Cowgirl 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
It is beautiful and yuo are very gifted.....keep writing and by all means publish. i am published by the way. Very good!!!!
2007-01-31 09:46:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 4⤋
I tend to dislike melodramatic poems. It is not you, just your poetry.
There is nothing more beautiful than the truth. If you write the truth, it would be much better.
On related matter I would change the title, Eternal Darkness is a video game title. Try to be more original.
2007-01-31 09:51:54 · answer #2 · answered by JC 301186 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very dark and morbid, but it is has potential to be published. Try The national Library of Poetry they have contests constantly
2007-01-31 09:53:51 · answer #3 · answered by the duke 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no eternal darkness only everlasting light, I hope you get your answer from someone who is also in the cellar.
2007-01-31 09:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by Mike S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great! Ur use of vocabulary is very nice. It is not "blah blah" like that other person wrote. A+!!!!
Where did u get all of this talent from?! I would loooove to write poems like this but unfortunately i have no talent and SUCK at writing. So, use that talent. You'll go places.
2007-01-31 09:50:18 · answer #5 · answered by Miss §hopaholic 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
GROSE! What ever happend to those catchy jingles about Rainbows, Sunshine and Love?
I guess i just dont get the point. Are you sad? Depressed? or just bored?
Sorry if i'm bashing you, i dont mean too, i too write. I just try not to be so EMO. (its kinda gay!)
Keep on Keepin on though... do your thing!
2007-01-31 09:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Extremely depressing. But I guess that was the point so, good job.
2007-01-31 09:50:09 · answer #7 · answered by ZEE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok. I use to write stuff like that. it's good. but the whole rat thing is raw. think deeper and darker and if your talking blood don't do the whole animal thing. that's just me but it fits
2007-01-31 09:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by everlasting_matchstick 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a bit scary! i mean cant it be about bunnies or farts!?!?
like this poem
I Can Smell
I can smell your fart
It smells VERY bad
I can smell your fart
its making me gag
I can smell your fart
im going to die
i can smell it
i can smell you
And being stuck in this car with you's making me vomit
so leave- becus my eyes are tearing
and you smell
BING! i know i know a little rusty but hey! in a few seconds its pretty good!
2007-01-31 09:52:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anna Costner 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay that was just bad. Why do everybodys poems not rhyme. I think that's dumb. Anyone could come up with something like that though I don't know why they'd want to. I hate goth stuff.
2007-01-31 09:48:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
Lovely. You are a fine writer.
2007-01-31 15:24:36 · answer #11 · answered by Me, Thrice-Baked 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋