Im 38 husband is 42 and we have been happily married 16 yrs..Well anyways lots of times we will go a couple of weeks without making love..He says he wants to have sex but is waiting for me..I guess he means waiting for me to intiate(WHICH I DO MOST OF THE TIME)but sometimes i guess i do the samething waiting for him to intiate..I told him a few times that he has a low sex drive but he says he doesnt..So who is right? I think i am..My 1 friend says i shouldnt say that to him that he has a low sex drive.
2007-01-31 09:09:26 · 22 answers · asked by lauren l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i would NEVER divorce my husband i love him
2007-01-31 09:14:45 · update #1
Sillykimm nobody told me to leave him.
2007-01-31 09:15:45 · update #2
No gabby we are not drinkers
2007-01-31 09:16:30 · update #3
Well fearless i wouldnt tell my husband i will get it somewhere else if he doesnt put out...I think that is a terrible thing to say plus i wouldnt cheat on my husband
2007-01-31 09:24:50 · update #4
You've been married for 16 years. So, why be shy? ASK when you wish to play. BOTH of you. Heck, you two must have figured out each other's signals by now. Keep in mind that quantity isn't everything, especially if quality is good. Just keep the quality of lovemaking high, and you'll both be happy. Of course, if you folks keep the quality high, you'll both want more. Kind of a viscious cirle, but instead of viscious, it's a happy circle. LOL
2007-01-31 09:40:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Low sex drive is purely subjective. If he's not wanting sex as much as you do, then maybe he has the lower sex drive of the two of you but it's only a problem in as much as you're bothered by it.
Here's a thought, talk with him and decide how often you two want to have sex. It could be once a week, it could be twice a week...whatever you two are both most comfortable with and then try setting a rule: You'll be responsible for initiating sex once in that time period and he'll be responsible for initiating sex the next time.
Taking turns takes some of the pressure off each of you and might make the encounters more enjoyable.
2007-01-31 10:51:38 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I have to say this is a unique problem because its usually the other way around where the husband has to initiate it..I don't know about people that wait for the other to do this..I just don't understand if both desire each other on the same level why both can't alternate between initiation but well hope you get an answer here I see many people saying the same ,but usually the man complaining about the woman..
2007-01-31 09:18:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this with my husband, and after talking about it and arguing who has the higher sex drive, we decided to just tell each other whenever we were "in the mood". Eventually, we realized that we both have a really high sex drive, and we went from having sex maybe once a week to at least once a day. Communication is a wonderful thing!
2007-01-31 10:23:53 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both gotta initiate intimacy to feel loved, needed, and sexy...Don't divorce your husband because he has a low sex drive! How many times has your friend been divorced? Don't listen to her or anyone else that says you should leave him. You gotta work hard on your marriage, that works both ways. Sit his butt down and talk to him about this!
Well if you want to be mature about this, I suggest talking to him about it, yeah maybe he does have a low sex drive, doesn't mean you should throw that in his face though.
Fearless, I agree, that's what needs to be said. Wives are just too lazy to have sex or don't feel like it. Well men have needs to and if they aren't going to get fulfilled, I wouldn't be surprised if they filed for divorce and found someone else. It's not that they are "using you" or just want to "get off" men simply have needs!!
2007-01-31 09:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 37 and the wife is 35 we both flirt all week teasing each other
until the weekend comes up...not making love has not gone more than 4 days 5 at the most... then we are like rabbits during the weekend...I'll be flirting with wife part of the week...and I'll be thinking of something else later on and she will say something to me...when you get off work you want to...and she will smile...and I tease and say forget work in that case and she will start to laugh. and say..no we have all weekend to mess around...both partners and make the move...it's more fun...I think he is a bit afraid to ask you to fool around...more often
2007-01-31 09:24:51 · answer #6 · answered by hononegah1988 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try something new, you say he waits for you to initate, which I do too. Take control out of your hands and put it in his, but at the same time intiate. Leave a bag of toys out on the bed. Tell your husband you want him to tie you up (that will really put him in control and can really grow on both of you). Tell him you miss how he used to be a sex fiend but above all else, NEVER TELL HIM TO STOP, you want him to take the bull by the horns you can't say not tonight, I have a headache.
2007-01-31 09:18:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sex is not the time to play tug of war! The longer you go without having sex, the easier it is to keep putting it off. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Make a pact to have sex for 7 days in a row no excuses and you will retrain both of your libidos.
If you are concerned about low testosterone levels, he will show other symptoms like lack of energy, loss in intrest in hobbies and general life. Your family doctor can order a blood test to see where his testosterone level is.
2007-01-31 09:31:41 · answer #8 · answered by victoriaspleasuresfl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not about who's right. It 's about keeping each other satisfied and happy. You just have a communication problem. You need to work out a way to let each other know whether you're "definitely in the mood", "neutral but receptive to persuasion" or "NOT in the mood". Then you can maximize your togetherness without either of you feeling pressured when you're not in the mood. It's really important to avoid letting sex be a control issue between you.
2007-01-31 09:22:59 · answer #9 · answered by Abigail 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest talking to him and letting him know that it's very important for him to initiate intimacy also because as a woman, we really need to feel wanted. Let him know that if he can start doing that, then it'll be very rewarding for the both of you, you'll feel more comfortable initiating more often also because you feel sexy and attractive to him, and vice versa. And I kind of agree with your friend. No man wants to hear that he has a low sex drive. Good luck!
2007-01-31 09:52:29 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋