Little sister is still cutting! Any advice?

Question

My little sister is 17 years old. She's had a ton of issues with rebellion, cutting herself, overdosing on her depression pills, still has depression, getting into trouble with the wrong type of guys. My mom has never been there for us kids, I'm the oldest and took it upon myself to be the mom of the family. I really care about her and want to help her out. It's all been going on for over a year now and she knows that I'm here for her. But she won't use the help available to her. I'm getting so overwhelmed with it and just feel like giving up if she's not even going to ask me for help instead of cutting.

Answer 1

If she will not back down from this stance of rebellion, I say threaten to commit her to an institution. Do it in a spirit of love and caring....I say "threaten" because I do not believe all people need to be hauled off to these horrible places that often times do not help the patient, but only hold them for up to 72 hours I think.

Remind her that when her hard times have passed, she will forever have it on her record and that it will UNDOUBTABLY compromise her credibility later on in life when she has children of her own. If CPS ever gets involved in her life (say if its yrs down the road, and she has children of her own).....the fact that she was in and out of trouble, and in an institution will harm her cred greatly.

YES! I do realize I am telling you to use scare tactics---BUT, remember, she is hurting, and even still....she likewise has no concern for the load that YOU are already carrying on your shoulders. Dont speak to her about that, it will only call attn to you. and this is not our objective.

Tell her that everytime she cuts, she is leaving herself wide open for ANYONE to commit her. Console her, get her to sit down and really get it all out, lay it on the table and sort thru what her issues are, and ask her to be adult enough to TRY to resolve these issues. Remind her (as Im sure you have) that she is essentially in your care, and that everyday, you are concerned greatly for her bc you love her THAT much.

Remind her that death is an eternal resolve to a temporary problem, and that with work and strong will, she can overcome whatever pains her. Tell her that it doesnt have to be like this.

It is clear that your mothers' absense of duty has caused many ripples in what should be calm waters. It will not stop until she comes to grips with the fact that others out there will love her and treat her right. My own mother has been "emotionally absent" in many ways, I am 28....and will not lie and say "Im over it" bc Im not. I cannot go to her, and get consolation as a mother of four myself, I cannot go to her for anything, bc she simply does not care. I praise GOD and thank GOD that I have not turned out the same, as I would like to have assurety that I would die for any of my four children, and that I go to excessive lengths to ensure their emotional health to be healthy and that they are never hurting uneccessarily!

I am sorry for what you are going thru, I am sure that alot of what your sis is going thru more than likely stems from your mothers inability or unwillingness to care for her babies' (u get it Im sure).

One FINAL THING; I really am impressed that you stepped in and took on the role that your mother could not or would not fulfill. I know what you are going thru and commend you for living what's right. GOD WILL and DOES reward those who are so self-less; and what you do, you do it out of love. I admire you greatly, may the Lord intervene in your situation and bring peace to your home. <><

Answer 2

First off you dont need to be the mother, you're her sister so that's all that's required from you. Your feeling like you need to step up in the role as her mother is going to overwhelm you so dont take this approach.

I'm assuming from what you said previously that your sister is already seeing a doctor. If your sister is not in therapy you should most definitely talk to your mother about getting her in a regimented therapy program. The reason why is that If she is still depressed even while on medication then there could be a couple of solutions. The problem could be the dosage is to low on her medication. They might need to prescribe another form of medication. Or she just might need to talk about this as well. Too many times Doctors and Psychologists seem to make parents believe that medication is the holy grail and that's simply not true. There's more to treating someone for depression than medication. Alot of times there are underlying problems that need to be addressed as well and from what you've said I'm going to assume this is the case.

As for you, dont give up, take this in stride. Her mistakes are not your own. If you feel your mother is not doing enough to help treat your sister then you need to discuss that with her. If that doesnt work and you truly feel this is detrimental to your sisters health you can seek assistance from a local resource. Check your phone book and talk to some non profit child advocacy groups they should have the resources to help you help your sister.

I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

I don't really understand the whole "cutting" thing --I don't know what people are trying to get out of it and I really have a hard time feeling bad for a person that harms them self--I would get help it sounds like you are in over your head and it doesn't seem to be getting better--if you really are trying to help her then forget about being her "buddy" and betray her -if she was worried about your feelings then she would not be doing this--it is her way of getting attention and she is playing it on you hard!!! A little tough love wouldn't hurt!!! Tell someone who specializes in this sort of behavior and help her that way otherwise you might as well just get her a bigger knife--I am not trying to be rude or mean but, you need to face this for what it is and show her that hurting herself is a stupid childish and meaningless way to get noticed

Answer 4

first of all, I want to say, I think you are an amazing person for trying to do so much to help your sister. It's great that you are trying to do everything you can to help. Unfortunutely, sometimes there is only so much that one individual can do in order to help someone in pain. Your sister needs to get into professional counseling and on medication for depression and then try to help herself. If she is not in counseling already, you will need to talk to your Mom and let her know that your sister is still cutting herself and your mom needs to get her into counseling. If this doesn't work, then I would tell your sister that she needs to go with you to the doctor to get help.

Answer 5

Ask her if she had children how would feel if they knew she was doing this, and make her think about how her mother let her down and explain how she is letting everyone else down (compare) explain by her cutting herself people have the same feelings towards her as she feels towards her mother so................. does she want people to feel that sadness and hurt the way she feels it about her mum??? If there is someone close to her that has passed away ask her if what she is doing will make that person proud and what reaction and what they would say to her if they were here........... tell her to make the people closetst to her proud by getting her act together............ it works for my sister so try on yours, x

Answer 6

I know you love her, and want to help her and take care of her, but she is at a point where only she can help herself. I know it is horrible to watch her self-destruct. All I can advise is to just keep letting her know you are there for her when she does decide she wants help. Unfortunately, we as humans are in control of our actions, as much as we try to deny it. She'll either "see the light" or destroy herself. Try and be as supportive as possible without destroying your own life.

Answer 7

If she doesn't get some help soon, she will die.

If it is too much for you (and there is no shame in admitting you are defeated), then contact a local counselling agency and see what they can do to intervene and force her into some kind of help!

Answer 8

She needs counseling and anti-depressants. She may even need in-patient care for a while.

Answer 9

Get professional help

Answer 10

Don't take it all on yourself anymore.
It's not good for you and you're not helping her if you're overwhelmed.
She's still a minor, have her commited if you have to. Take her to see someone. It won't be easy but you have to find someone to help her and yourself.
It's not easy to take it on yourself.