Why do people think the Ferber method/sleep training is cruel?

Question

Or the people that have used such methods are "lazy"/"mean"/etc.? When my daughter was developmentally ready (at four months, this varies for different babies), and she had demonstrated that she COULD go to sleep on her own but WOULDN'T because she relied on sleep crutches, we decided to try Dr. Ferber's method. It wasn't half as bad as the pregnancy forums made it out to be. On the contrary it involves a lot of work from the parents. You don't just leave the baby "to cry it out all alone/in despair/etc.". To work, you have to set up a consistent calming routine, be it story/bath/feed, and THEN you put them into the crib drowsy, yet awake. Of course the baby will fuss/cry, and you do intervene, but eventually the baby learns how to close their eyes and fall asleep. It makes parents become aware of their babies cries and learn how to decipher which is protesting, pain, etc. my seven month old falls asleep on her own, and throughout the night, even travelling and rarely cries now

me: We are all mothers day and night, thank you. You don't wear a gold star, sorry. And please provide me some other linformation than yet another Dr. Sear's one from yet another Dr. Sears devotee. There is no chemical yimmer yammer that happens when you use gradual intervention or sleep training. If that was the case, a lot of us would be really messed up in the head because very few parents in the 60s and 70s coslept.

baby_savvy: that is the point I was getting at. There comes a time when rocking can no longer be done, and nursing either. Many babies need to be helped along. It's like riding a bike, or learning to crawl. Of course they're going to fall down, but babies are resilient. It's harder to get a routine done than to simply cuddle in the bed and hope the baby goes to sleep. If my daughter cries after ten minutes, I know she isn't sleeping. Most parents can tell the difference.

Answer 1

I think some people have a very hard time hearing their baby cry. They think their baby is crying out of anger and hatred. This is not the case. They should know that the baby is crying because he/she is tired and needs sleep. If they laid the baby down after he was already asleep in their arms, then the baby would wake up screaming wondering where his parents were. That is cruel to me. When we teach our babies to fall asleep on their own, we are teaching them it is OK when they wake up in their cribs. We are teaching them to fall back asleep every time they wake up in the middle of the night.

It's funny because friends and family are amazed that my children do not protest bedtime.

ETA: I think it is funny that you mention Dr. Sears. He was just on Dr. Phil and even Dr. Phil didn't agree with many things he said including letting a baby cry. Dr. Phil also thinks co-sleeping is bad as well. I think Dr. Sears just writes books for insecure mothers telling them what they want to hear. It is pretty sad.

Answer 2

Recent research has shown that babies and toddlers are more securely attached and happier after sleep training. The Ferber method is the old way of sleep training that doesn't encourage a secure attatchment for you and baby. Letting a baby cry it out just makes him feel that he's not worth responding to. I didn't let my babies cry it out and they all are great, independent sleepers that hardly wake up at night. But if it works for you, then great.

Answer 3

The way you have described it, it does not seem cruel. If your baby is old enouh, crying for a short period of time is not going to harm their development.

But it seems that a lot of people try to use this method on newborns, when they have not developed the abitlity to "self-soothe". Also, a lot of people just let their kids cry it out for long periods of time. Both of these are contrary to your natural feelings as a mother, and that is why I object to them.

Personally, I did something similar to you - when my baby was 3 1/2 months and it was obvious she could go to sleep by herself, I would go through her bedtime routine and then tell myself to let her fuss for 10 minutes - she usually falls asleep around 5 minutes. If she is still awake at the end of 10 minutes, she is probably not going to fall asleep.

Answer 4

I haven't tried it yet myself or need to so far. BUT from other post on different sites, it sounds like some of the parents let the baby cry it out and don't give any details of how long..etc..This is what makes it sound cruel.

Answer 5

Dog training is not cruel, if it is done humanely. If it were cruel, big companies that specialize in pets like petsmart and petco, would not offer puppy and dog training courses. It also depends what type of training youre talking about. Of course training a dog, or any animal for that matter to fight is cruel and inhumane. But to train a dog/animal to be obedient without inflicting physical or mental/emotional harm, is just fine.

Answer 6

I don't know. I used it for my first baby at my doctor's recommendation at 2 months. People just assume you let your baby scream until they pass out, but those of us who have used the method know the truth.

Answer 7

I think that most people feel that a good mother wouldn't let their baby cry. Or maybe they don't understand the method.

Answer 8

I just want to say that I think it's wrong to question anyone's parenting method so if that is what you want to do then fine. I know parents who have done it this way and their children are just fine.

Answer 9

Because it's harmful for babies. I'm a mother day and NIGHT!

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies
Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:

Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16

Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17

One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8

Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”

Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13

Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)


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